


Reserved

by Sunset_Doyle



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25333069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunset_Doyle/pseuds/Sunset_Doyle
Summary: Harry Styles is a famous singer and is viewed in the press as the lady’s man. But that is as far from the truth you could get. Louis Tomlinson is a English major at uni working at small coffee shop just trying to get by. One night when a mysterious man steps into the coffee shop Louis despises the snobby man in front of him but that soon changes.Or the one where Louis has no idea who Harry is and falls in love with a lie
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 25
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi it’s my first time writing fics, not sure what anyone is gonna think of it. But I tried my best and I hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> Trigger warning ⚠️  
> There will be talks of self harm right from the start and through out a majority of the story and it will be some what graphic and later on there will be talks about sexual assault that will also be graphic. But also talks about an eating disorder or fasting.

**Reserved chapter 1**

_The first time I met you_   
_I couldn't forget you_   
_Girl I know, I really had to get you_

The first time i met you - Tony Tuff

Hearing the water hit the white titled wall and softly flow down into the drain is something Louis always found calming. He wasn’t too sure if it was the sound of the water hitting the tiles or how smoothly the water flows down the drain.  
Or maybe he finds calming because it’s a ritual for him watching the water before he steps under. The warm water stinging his thighs and burning as he watches the water turn from clear to red and slowly fade out into a pink color and then back to clear. He found pleasure in the sting, the warm water cleaning the fresh slashes on his thighs that are oozing out droplets of blood.

He can’t help but hiss as the warm water comes in contact with his cut skin. It’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, it doesn’t last for too long not as long as Louis would want it to last. But when the burning stops Louis continues to wash his body and hair. It’s not often he regrets his actions but today was one of those days.

Guilt washed over him, knowing he was clean for almost 6 days. Louis knew it wasn’t much, but to him it felt like much and he was angry with himself that he threw it all away just because he was having a bad day. He couldn’t seem to drown out the voices in his head constantly repeating how useless he was and so he gave into the urges. The ones he had been fighting for the past 6 days, it helped to keep busy so he would forget about it for a while.

But today was a Saturday and Louis didn’t have much to do, his shift at the coffee shop didn’t start until 2 pm. He didn’t have much school work to do since it was just the beginning of the semester. It was small stuff really, that ticked him off, it was when he accidentally spilled his tea all over the kitchen counter, it was the fact that he couldn’t find his phone for over an hour and the last straw was when Niall and Zayn returned from the park how they talked about sunbathing in their underwear.

Louis knew he could never be confident enough to show his body in public. He hated how fat his thighs looked in shorts, not to even mention all the cuts that would be visible. Not to even get started on being shirtless, how his gut would hang over his waistband and how his hips had so much excess fat on them. Whenever he saw Niall or Zayn shirtless he envied them, how they had perfectly toned abs as if they were chiseled by the Greek gods. Despite eating like a pig and never working out Niall had the best body ever. Zayn on the other hand did work out and Louis did follow him to the gym on multiple occasions but it never seemed to help and he’d never lose the gut or the fat on his thighs and hips. If anything it made him feel worse than he did before going.

He couldn’t blame any of the boys though, he loved them with all his heart. They didn’t know about the self harm, Louis could never tell them he knew it would hurt them. They’d blame themselves not for noticing and they’d watch every step Louis took. And he really didn’t need watchdogs.

Louis has known Zayn since they were in diapers pretty much, their parents were close friends and their younger sisters were close too. So him and Zayns friendship was just meant to be. Louis always viewed Zayn as his brother, he was the first person Louis would go to if anything was bothering him.

In primary school when Louis had gotten pushed to the ground by a bully Zayn was next to him to help him get back on his feet and the pushed the bully right back telling him “don’t touch my brother”

Zayn was the one who was also there to hug him when his first crush rejected him. Zayn was the person he confided in by telling him in the 6th grade that he might have a crush on a boy. Louis at the time was terrified over how Zayn would react, all Zayn did was shrug his shoulders and ask who the boy was.

That’s when Louis knew him and Zayn would always be best friends. They were side by side from then on. Zayn sitting next to Louis holding his hand when he came out to his parents and family at the annual summer barbecue. Louis' mother just cried as he hugged her son telling him how amazing and strong he was.

The boys stuck by each other throughout their teens facing the first day of secondary school together, Zayn fighting anyone who dared to call Louis one mean word and Louis doing the same for Zayn. Louis wasn’t afraid to be out and proud, he wasn’t embarrassed about who he was and he wasn’t going to let anyone force him back into the closet. There were obviously the kids who would yell “faggot” “gay” or “twink” as he walked down the corridors. Zayn would always be quick to react causing people to wonder if him and Louis were in a secret relationship.

Louis had told Zayn he didn’t have to fight his battles for him but all Zayn said “I’m not fighting for you, I’m fighting beside you because that’s what brothers do”  
They had their first drunk experience together and were beside each other for their first real heartbreaks. They were beside each other on the first day of college and the first day of Uni. They shared a dorm the first year and in second year got a flat together and have since shared a flat with Niall.

Louis and Zayn had met Niall during freshers week and the little Irish boy was so lost. He had never been far from home and he had been a bit sheltered so moving to London was a big step. Niall was mostly looking for friends and being the odd one out didn’t really help his case, he tried to buy his way into people's hearts with alcohol and food. The night Zayn and Louis found him they clearly noticed that people were only using him for his money, so when they saw Niall splash out 150 pounds worth of drinks for people he barely knew.

That’s when Louis and Zayn decided to enterfeir and hall the drunk Irishmen back to his dorm. Ever since that night Niall never left the boys side, he quickly learned that they didn’t want or need his money. Both Louis and Zayn having part time jobs helped them pay their part of the rent and other bills. It wasn’t much but it was enough to get them by.

As soon as Zayn and Louis got to know Niall they knew immediately that Niall was someone they’d be close with. The Irishmen constantly bringing laughter and lighthearted fun to their little dynamic, he never took anything too serious. But he had a heart of gold and was willing to do anything and everything to the ones he loved the most.

As soon as the first year ended they knew straight away that they’d want to live together. So then began the apartment hunt, it was hard finding a 3 bedroom in London that was in their price range. But they finally found a small adorable 3 bedroom flat in the south. It was about a 15 minute commute to the uni, about 25 minutes from Louis work and 10 from Zayns. Louis didn’t mind the commute to work, it gave him time to listen to his favorite songs.

When it came to the boys flat Louis drew the short straw and had to take the bedroom that was closest to the front door, none of them wanted it because Niall freaked them out by saying “if someone breaks in they’re going straight to that bedroom”

So after entering the flat and the little entrance area his bedroom was on the right and across him was a bathroom that was pretty much his. Further down the hallway was a laundry room, which they were extremely grateful for and a storage room that held a bunch of random stuff. At the end of the hallway was the living room, kitchen and dining room. It was a open space all three areas interlacing with each other. To the left was the kitchen, it wasn’t too big but it had a working stove, fridge and freezer, a microwave and a bunch of storage for their snacks. What more could they ask for? Then there was a brown table off to the corner with 4 chairs, it was rarely used only when the boys had family visiting. They ate most of their meals at the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen or on the couch. To the right was their living room area with a large light gray couch sitting in the middle with a loveseat on the left, cutely decorated with a couple white and navy blue pillows and blankets. In front of the large L shaped couch was a small glass coffee table. Right in front of it was their 60” tv, it was the only thing they had chosen to splurge on. It was worth it in the end because they ended up having many movie nights in front of the tv, all snuggled up together.

Behind the couch was Niall’ and Zayn’ bedrooms but also a bathroom they shared. In the end it turned out that Louis hadn’t drawn the short straw, whenever Niall had someone over Zayn would be able to hear them and Niall would hear Zayn when he had someone over. Louis on the other hand was on the other side of the apartment and couldn't hear them or be heard if he had someone over.

Louis rarely had anyone over though, after his last relationship that ended pretty sour he had pretty much given up on love. Of course there were the occasional hook ups but he never brought them home, he’d always go to theirs.

Louis was brought out of his thoughts when there was a banging on the bathroom door.

“What do you want?” He shouted trying to be heard over the water spraying down on him  
“Should I pack you dinner?” Niall asked him from the other side of the door  
“No I’ll just get some food at the shop and before you ask I will bring you left over pastries” Louis said

And it wasn’t completely a lie he would be bringing Niall the leftover pastries from the day.

“That’s ace mate but you should hurry up, your shift starts in 45 minutes and if you need a lift home just call me” Niall said before Louis heard his feet walk down the hallway.

Louis quickly washed the rest of shampoo out of his hair and got out of the shower. Quickly wrapping the blade he used and disposing it in the trash. After drying off he put on his long sleeved black shirt and black jeans.

Grabbing his apron and his backpack that contained the book he had to read for his reading analysis class and his laptop, he said a quick bye to the boys before leaving the apartment and jogging to the tube station that was about 5 minutes from their apartment

-

The shop had been quite busy up until 6:30pm when rain began to pour down and the clouds looked gray and heavy. The sky was dark and gloomy and pouring out the rain, Louis found it quite peaceful.

There was nobody In the shop and Louis didn’t mind it, he could hear the rain hitting against the big windows at the front of the shop, some soft jazz tune playing over the speakers and the smell of roasted coffee beans filling the air.

His coworker had got off at 7pm as Louis would be the one closing the shop at 9:30pm.  
Louis enjoyed working the evening shift because most evenings the shop would be empty from 7:30pm until closing time, with the occasional customer now and again.

Most days around 7:30pm he’d sit down and do some homework he had just so he didn’t have as much to do when he arrived home later in the evening.

It was around quarter to nine, Louis was seated at one of the tables in the shop reading crime and punishment, with his laptop out in front of him. Occasionally pausing his reading to write down some thoughts or make small notes.

Louis' eyes were brought away from the book in his hands when he heard someone enter the shop. His eyes raked over the stranger from his feet all the way to his head. He couldn’t see much of the person's face; they were wearing a black cap casting a shadow over their face enclosing it in darkness.

The stranger was tall and wearing baggy white trousers, dirty around the cuffs. From probably walking in rain and getting dragged in the dirt. They had a light blue oversized jacket hugging closely to their body.

When Harry had stepped into the small coffee shop it was abandoned except for a man sitting at one of the tables. He couldn’t really see the boys face but his brown hair was swooping over his forehead, he seemed to be into the book he was reading. Holding it in one hand while tugging his lip with his other, fully concentrated at the book in front of him.

Until the boy noticed Harry standing at the door, Harry took a direct notice of the boy's flushed face and shy smile. But also his eyes, the color were the depths of the ocean but at the same time the brightness of the sky. Harry immediately knew it was something he could get lost in.

Harry asked, finally breaking from his trance “Are you open?”  
His deep voice filled the air, Louis could hear an accent in his voice but it wasn’t a London one.

Louis was guessing it was from up north maybe. Louis found the man somewhat intimidating, towering over Louis with a deep voice and broad shoulders. He gave of authority vibes and it was something Louis despised.

“Yea- Yea we’re open” he said stumbling over his worlds as he scurried to get behind the counter

“What can I get you?” Louis asked as he steadied his voice.

When Harry had stepped forward, he removed his cap running his hand through his hair that fell in a natural middle part. It was a deep brown color, it was wavy and a bit disheveled. After removing the cap his face was more visible showing his stubble beard, his lips full and a light pink color.

When Louis finally looked into his eyes it was a shade of green he’d never seen before, they were green with specks of gold in them. There was a small spark in them that filled Louis' whole body with this warm feeling he’d never experienced before.

Harry was expecting the boy to recognize him at any moment now, asking for a photo or an autograph. It was the only downside of being a singer, not being able to meet someone without them already knowing who you are.

“I’ll have a cup of coffee” Harry said noting the look of displeasure on the boys face

Who orders plain black coffee Louis thought to himself, utterly boring and disgusting might he add.

Harry soon noticed the silver shining tag on the boy's apron. Louis it was a cute name, it suited him.

“Lewis” Harry said out loud and Louis couldn’t help scrunch up his face in disgust once again.

He absolutely hated it when anyone called lewis instead of Louie. But he didn’t correct the man he’d soon leave he thought to himself.

“To go or to stay?” Louis asked as he mustered the best smile he could

Harry had a hard time deciding whether he wanted to stay or not but he was intrigued by Lewis so he was going to stay for his coffee.  
Begging that the man would say to go, but Louis prayers weren’t answered.

“To stay” Harry finally said and Louis was extremely disappointed  
“Would that be all?” Louis asked with a fake smile plastered on his face

“Yea for now” Harry said shooting Louis a smile  
“That will be £4,50”

Louis watched as the man reached out into his pocket and brought out a Gucci wallet and Louis couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He then handed Louis a £20 note and shot Louis a smile. The only person Louis would not hate for owning a Gucci wallet was Niall and Niall only.

Louis already despised the man In front of him and couldn’t wait until he left.

“The rest is your tip” Harry said in hopes to get a genuine smile from Louis  
“You sure? This is 15 pounds mate” Louis said with a puzzled look on his face  
“Yeah I’m good It's not like I need it” Harry says before realizing how obnoxious it sounded

Louis couldn’t believe he had said that, who did he think he was?  
The only words Louis could get out was “thanks I guess”

The man then moved away from the till and walked to the table Louis had been sitting at. Louis kept an eye on him as he began to make the man's coffee.

“Crime and punishment by Dostoevsky, interesting” he said as he eyed the book  
“You’ve read it?” Louis asked curious  
“No but I’ve read some of his other work ‘poor folk’ and ‘the idiot’, but not this book” he said “s’it any good?”  
“I’m not that far into it, but so far good, it’s interesting the concept behind it” Louis answered truthfully as he walked around the counter to serve the man his coffee

“Here’s your coffee” Louis said with a small smile as he handed the man his coffee their fingers lightly brushing at the exchange  
“Thank you Lewis” Harry said giving the boy a smile  
“It’s Louie”  
“Oh I’m sorry I had no idea, my apologies” Harry said feeling like a complete idiot and embarrassing himself in front of the very cute boy  
“No worries and your name is?” Louis asked, maybe this stranger wasn’t all too bad

“You don’t know who I am?” Harry asked, shocked , written all over his face.

It’s not like he expected Louis to know who he was; he assumed that he would because most people did. But he found himself smiling a bit, the thought of keeping his identity a secret was exciting.

All the hope Louis had for the man disappeared with those few words. He was probably some fucking d list celeb that had been on love island or some other dumb show, that now thinks he own the world. Dumb piece of shit Louis thought to himslef.

“Should I know who you are” he snapped at the man  
“No no, I’m sorry” Harry quickly said, noticing how annoyed Louis Was.

So he was now faced with a choice, telling Louis the truth or lying.

“I’m Harry, Harry Doyle”

The name rolled off Harry’s tongue, a tad bit too easy. It wasn’t a complete lie, it was the name Harry uses at hotels and for booking. His name is Harry, just not Harry Doyle.

“Mind if I join you” Harry asked shifting the subject from his ‘name’

Louis wanted to say no and tell him to fuck off but it would be rude and Harry was a costumer so he just nodded and said ‘sure’

“I’m assuming that you enjoy reading” Harry said as he sat down across from Louis  
Louis just shrugged and said “i wouldn’t say it’s my passion or anything but I don’t mind it” while eyeing the book  
“What made you choose this book specifically then?” Harry asked

He was unsure why he was engaging in conversation with the feathered haired man in front of him, he was clearly not interested. But Harry couldn’t keep himself from wanting to know more about the boy. Honestly he wasn’t even sure if the boy was into men or if he had a girlfriend or boyfriend. With his looks he probably had everyone down on their knees in front of him. No wonder he wouldn’t give him a second look Harry thought to himself.

“It’s for one of my classes” Louis said, looking up at the boy's face. It was only now Louis noticed the dimples on his cheeks and how his eyes would squint when he smiled.

He was beautiful Louis had to admit, a beautiful arrogant piece of shit.

“So you’re in Uni, that’s cool, what are you studying?” Harry asked eager to know more about Louis  
“I’m an English major, what about you? Are you in Uni?” Louis asked curious about the man in front of him.  
He hadn’t given too much information about him but then again they’d been only talking for many 5 minutes.

“That sounds interesting, what year are you in? i'm not in Uni or anything like that, I work with...um…. my father's company just a boring office job but we travel a lot so that’s a plus” Harry said hoping his lie would be convincing  
Louis couldn’t help but scoff and mumble “that makes sense” but quickly following up with “I’m in my last year, and yea I guess traveling is a plus”

Of course he worked for his dad, Louis just hated the man even more, all he could think was how much of a spoiled brat he was.

“Do you enjoy traveling?” Harry asked trying his best to keep the conversation going  
“I’ve never been outside of the country but I’d love to travel and explore, all that stuff” Louis said truthfully  
“Well if you ever get the chance to then you should definitely travel”

Louis just nodded and hoped that the man would take it as a hint that Louis didn’t want him here.

Harry just took this as a cue that he had overstayed his welcome and said “I should probably get going, it's getting late” hoping the pretty man would ask him to stay.

“Yea it is getting late” Louis said looking out the window and out on the street that was flooding with rain water.  
“Do you need a ride home? You know it’s just raining and it would be a shame having to walk in the rain” Harry said hoping he could get some more time with Louis

Louis was extremely confused and asked “why are you being nice to me? I’ve been pretty much rude to you since you stepped foot into the shop”  
“You intrigue me, that’s all” he said  
“What are you like planning to murder me or something?” Louis asked then adding “not like there’s much worth living for anyway”

After realizing what had slipped out of his mouth Louis was quick to cover his hand with his mouth as he looked at the shocked expression on Harry’s face.

“Don’t say that, there’s so much worth living for”  
“It was just a joke, honestly just forget I even said it” Louis said hoping this topic would be dropped  
“Also I don’t need a ride home, my friend is picking me up” Louis lied hoping the guy would just leave him be

“Okay, but maybe we could exchange numbers if you’d like. I’d really like to stay in touch” Harry said giving Louis a kind smile  
“Why’d you want that?” Louis asks with raised brows

Harry knew he should take the hint and left a long time ago but he knew he’d just regret it if he had left.

“Like I said you intrigue me and I’d love to stay in touch”

Louis knew he shouldn’t give out his number to a stranger, he was taught better. But he was so persistent and he couldn’t possibly say no to that adorable smile and dimples, could he?

All Louis said was “give me your phone” and Harry’s smile beamed even brighter than before.

Louis quickly wrote his number and saved it under the name “Louis📚” and Harry just smiled when he saw it.

“I’ll text you so can save my number”

Louis just nodded giving the desperate man a smile and nodding.

“I’ll see you around Louis” Harry said before turning towards the door  
“Goodnight Harry”

When Harry stepped out of the coffee shop it hit him like a ton of bricks. He had given Louis a fake name and he was sure Louis would find out sooner than later who he really was. Maybe he should just come clean and tell Louis. But what if that’d push him away? He needed to go home and talk to Liam, Liam always knew what to do and say.

Louis just sighed as he watched Harry leave, there was something familiar about the man. He probably just took pity on Louis for making the death joke, sometimes he forgets to think before speaking blurting out the stupidest things.  
The fact that Harry was extremely attractive didn’t really help Louis nervousness or stupidity. He would probably not text Louis but Louis couldn’t help but shrug and move on with it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Reserved chapter 2**

_If you see something in my eye_

_Let's not over-analyze_

_Don't go too deep with it baby_

Crush - Jennifer Paige

The day after Harry met Louis, he had a spring in his step and a smile on his face. He had yet to text him but he desperately needed to talk to Liam before he wanted to do anything. Liam has agreed to come over to his house with lunch around noon and all Harry could do was patiently wait.

“Liam you’re here” Harry said after he opened the door  
Liam had a concerned look on his face “yeah is everything alright?” He asked as he stepped into Harry’s house  
“Yea I’m good, how are you?” Harry asked with a big smile on his face  
“I’m good just worried about you” he said truthfully as they sat down at the dining table  
“There’s honestly nothing to be worried about, sorry if I scared you. It’s just I met someone” Harry said smiling the whole time  
“What really? I’m happy for you Haz, when?”

“Last night, he didn’t know who I was and I gave him a fake name and he doesn’t really like me and he said some really concerning things to be honest,also I have no idea if he even likes boys or was interested in me but Li he has the most beautiful eyes and the cutest smile, not that he gave me much of it” Harry said practically squealing in his seat  
“Haz did you just hear what you said?” Liam asked with a concerned look on his face  
Harry just sighed before he spoke “I know it’s just it was good not being recognized and he was kissing my ass and being overly kind. I know I shouldn’t of given him a fake name but I just wanted him to get to know me for me and not ‘Harry styles the famous artist’ I’m more than that you know and he didn’t have a clue who I was”

Liam just sighed knowing how hard it had been for Harry coming out in the music industry and finding someone that didn’t purely want him for his fame. Liam did what Harry did to find someone that loved him for him and for him to be happy, but he did not want his friend to get hurt or for him to hurt the poor boy if he truly didn’t know who Harry was.

“What if he was lying?” Liam asked, trying to reason with Harry.  
“No you should of seen his face and heard his tone when I asked if he knew who I was, he was so annoyed and rolled his eyes at me, he didn’t know trust me” Harry said because he was 100% sure Louis had no idea who he was  
“I just don’t want you to get hurt Haz and if said man doesn’t know who you are he doesn’t deserve being lied to and played and eventually getting his feelings hurt”

“Li I wouldn’t let it get that far, his name is Louis and he’s in Uni, a English major and he works in this coffee shop right around the corner from the studio. I got his number but I wanted to talk to you before I texted him” Harry said telling him all he knew about Louis

“What does he think your name is?” Liam asked as he began eating his lunch  
“Harry Doyle and that I work for my father at his company” Harry said scared to look up at Liam  
“Ah fucking hell Harry, you have a whole story and all. Just don’t hurt him”

Harry really didn’t want to hurt Louis and lying to him maybe wasn’t a great idea but he felt like he had to and then said “I won’t let it get that far he seems really nice and he looks like one of those people that’s been through a lot and I don’t want to add to any pain he’s been through”  
“Then text him and as soon as you find out if he’s interested in you then you tell him” Liam warned  
“Thank you Li and I won’t hurt him” Harry said all giddy, fumbling to get out his phone.

It was not like he needed Liam's permission but Liam had always been the sensible one out of them and he just needed someone to tell him that he wasn’t absolutely crazy.

-

Louis was sitting on the love seat in the flat curled up with a cup of tea in his right hand and a book in the other. Niall and Zayn were on the couch playing FIFA, Niall currently winning 2-1.

Louis couldn’t help but look up once in a while, whenever Niall and Zayn would yell at the TV and Louis would just laugh at their stupidity and competitiveness before returning to his book.

“Lou you phone just went off” Niall said looking at the phone on the table.  
“Who is it?” Louis asked not too bothered about who it was.

Probably assuming it would be someone from his class asking for help with an assignment or his family. Louis didn’t really have any close friends except Niall and Zayn, he didn’t mind it though, they were all he needed.

“It’s just a number” Niall said as he tried to look between the phone and the TV  
“What does it say?” Louis asked, a bit more intrigued now.  
“Just says Hey it’s Harry” Niall said, his gaze flicking between the phone and tv.

Louis was shocked sitting up quickly spilling a bit of tea on himself in the process.

“Harry?” Zayn asked, confused as he paused the game.  
Both Niall and Zayn were looking at Louis as he placed the tea and book on the coffee table and grabbing his phone off the table.

Zayn and Niall exchanging puzzled looks. “Lou who’s Harry?” Niall asked with a small smile on his face.

“He’s no one” Louis said staring at his lock screen confused  
“The tea on your shirt says otherwise” Zayn mumbled causing Niall to snicker.

It wasn’t even funny but Niall was always easily amused.

“He’s just this guy-  
“Oooh a guy” Niall said, cutting off Louis as he bounced up and down on the couch.  
Louis just rolled his eyes and continued “as I was saying he’s this guy that came in last night, he was a bit sketchy not going to lie, spoiled brat, self obsessed and a bit prissy. Cute though and he asked for my number and I gave it, didn’t expect him to text though”

He was most likely just checking in on Louis after he said he had nothing to live for. Harry had reacted pretty badly to Louis' comment about having nothing to live for.  
It was partially true, if it wasn’t for his mum, siblings and friends he would have done it a long time ago. He was just scared to hurt them and that’s why he stuck around not for him, but for them.

“Why did you give him your number if you think all of that?” Niall asked confused  
“He’s probably good in bed” Louis said, causing them to laugh and just shake their heads and continue their game.

“You gonna text him back?” Zayn asked looking at the tv

“Yea I think so, it would be the only kind thing to do, incase he comes in again ” Louis said still looking at the text  
Niall just laughed saying “sure mate that’s the only reason”  
“What do I say? Hey Harry it’s Louis?” He asked, completely ignoring Nialls comments.

Niall and Zayn just nodded not really paying Louis any attention.

Text

Louis: Hey Harry, it’s Louis.

 **Harry:** I was scared you gave me the wrong number, you didn’t seem too keen on me yesterday.

 **Louis:** of course not, I’m not that rude. And sorry about that, I was just having a bad day.

 **Harry:** No need to apologize, we all have those days. Hope you’re doing better x  
 **Harry:** I’m not bothering you, am I?

 **Louis:** I am and thank you. No you’re not bothering me, I was just doing some reading.

 **Harry:** Crime and punishment?

 **Louis:** yeah I have to write an analysis on it, but I have a full week to get that done so I’m not too stressed about it

Louis couldn’t help but stare at the text he had sent, was it too much? Did he over share?

 **Harry:** It’s still a long book, I hope it goes well and I’m not too much of a bother x  
 **Harry:** I was thinking if you were working tonight maybe I could stop by and we could hang out again. Feel free to say no if you don’t want to.

 **Louis:** why would you want to hang out with me?

 **Harry:** Because you seem really cool and I think we could be good friends, but if you don’t want to feel free to say no and I’ll let you be x

 **Louis:** I’m not working tonight, it’s my day off :/

Harry: oh okay I understand

 **Louis:** but I am working tomorrow if you’d like to come by then

 **Harry:** yeah that would be great! What time?

 **Louis:** around 8, there’s usually no one there around that time.

 **Harry:** Great, ill see you then. I’ll let you get back to your studying now x

 **Louis:** I’ll see you then. Thanks, have a great day x

 **Harry:** You too xx  
-

“He’s so weird” Louis said out loud, putting his phone back on the table and picking up his book and now cold tea.  
“Why” Zayn asked glancing over at Louis  
“He asked if he can come see me while working tomorrow”

“Why not see you before or after?” Niall asked confused  
“I don’t know, maybe he works late hours? M’Not sure he’s weird though” Louis said as he tried to find the page he was on before being interrupted.

\- - - -

Louis was anxiously waiting on Harry to arrive at the coffee shop and it was a bit past 8 and there was no one in the shop but Louis. He couldn’t seem to focus on the book and was having to reread the same paragraph over and over again.

That’s when the shop door opened to reveal Harry , he was wearing a white Rolling Stones t-shirt and black jeans, with a black jacket to top it off.

“Hey sorry that I’m late” Harry said as he watched Louis peek over the book he was holding.

“That’s alright Hazza, can I call you Hazza?” Louis asked unsure if he’d be allowed to use the nickname  
“Yea Hazza is great, call me what you want” Harry said with a shrug as he sat down across from Louis.

“Okay, can i get you anything to drink or eat?” Louis asked as he stood up and walked towards

“A coffee and get yourself whatever you want” he said with a small smile  
“You do know that I work here and free drinks is a part of the job” Louis said with raised brows  
“Yea but I still want to pay for your drink” Harry insisted  
“Why?”

Harry couldn’t help but blush a little and smile “I don’t know it feels more formal, just let me buy your drink” he said, the smile not leaving his face once.  
“Fine if you insist”  
“I do” he said eagerly

After Harry paid despite Louis saying he didn’t have to, he returned to the table and handed Harry his coffee and held his tea.

“So have you always lived in London” Harry asked trying to start a conversation  
“No I was born in Doncaster and grew up there, I just moved to London for uni. What about you? I can tell by your accent that’s you’re not from London” Louis said as he pointed out Harry’s accent  
“No, I'm from Holmes Chapel, near Manchester. But I moved to London when I was 16, I thought my accent had faded”

“No I can tell, but don’t worry it’s cute” Louis said before he could stop himself. “So how old are you now then?” he asked hoping to change the subject and that Harry wouldn’t acknowledge his stupid comment.

“I’m 20, turning 21 next year, what about you?” Harry asked  
“I’m 22, turning 23 in December. I would have guessed that you’re older than 20, you’re really mature for your age” Louis said, confused as to how the stunning guy in front of him was so young.

“I had to grow up quickly, because of the business I work in, didn’t really give me the chance or opportunity to be a child” Harry said with a shrug

Don’t get him wrong he was extremely grateful that he was able to do the one thing he loved, but he would have loved if he could be a teenager too, and experience all the stuff he never got to.

Louis looked at him a bit confused and asked “how come?”  
“It’s a tough business and a lot of responsibilities at such a young age, but don’t mind me I’m still grateful for it all and I wouldn’t change a single thing. But enough about me” Harry said desperately wanting to change the subject and Louis could sense that so he let it go.

Before he had a chance to speak Harry began to talk “so you said reading wasn’t really your passion, so what is your passion? The one thing you could for hours on end and not get tired?”

Louis eyes widened a bit because it wasn’t really a question he’d been asked before, not even by his previous boyfriends. No one had ever really been interested in his hobby’s or his passions. He looked up at Harry who was sitting across from him with a bit of worry on his face as if he had asked the wrong question.

“Sorry was that too personal? We can pretend that I never asked” he said as he fidgeted with his hands  
“No no it wasn’t too personal, I don’t know I’m just not use to people asking about the stuff I care about” Louis answered truthfully blushing a bit and embarrassed over it  
“How come?”  
“I guess they never really cared enough to ask”

Harry looked a bit shocked, how could no one not care what this beautiful man had to say or about the stuff he loved.  
He wanted Louis to know that he cared about his hobbies and anything else he had to say. “I care” Harry simply stated

Louis just looked confused, why would he care they had just met and Louis has been rude to him. Harry being nice to him was messing up the image he had in his head of Harry being a spoiled brat.

“But why?” Louis asked still confused  
“Because you’re a really nice person and I’d like to be you friend and friends care about each other’s hobbies” Harry said  
“Yea I guess, but I was thinking like the question would be how many siblings do you have or what’s your favorite colour”

Harry could feel his heart sink in his chest, he never meant for Louis to feel uncomfortable with his question.  
“If you’d rather answer those then I’m okay with it, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable” he said apologizing and he looked down at his coffee.  
“No no, I’m sorry, I was just taken back you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable” Louis said quickly trying to reassure Harry.  
He then added “how about I answer all three then you can also answer all three?” And a small smile formed on Harry’s lips and he just nodded.

“Okay so my passion” Louis began thinking about what he really was passionate about “I guess my writing, I'd love to become a writer. I just enjoy the process of it and just get lost in the story, it’s like I can transport into the characters I’m writing about and I just forget I’m me. It’s like an escape and I think I’d love to see how others would interpret my words and thoughts. I know it’s really stupid you don’t have to mock me” he said shyly

“No I would never mock you for that, I think it’s really cool actually, don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed for loving the things you love and don’t ever let anyone put you down” Harry said and he meant it, he really did.  
He didn’t know who had made Louis believe it was stupid or anything of the such but Harry knew he hated who ever that was.

“Thank you for not making fun of me” he said shyly, a light pink color spreading over his cheeks as he looked down at his tea. He then continued “and answering the other two questions. I have 6 siblings, all younger than me, 5 sisters and one brother. I love all of them so dearly, they mean the world to me and I’d honestly do anything for them. And my favorite color is red, I know a lot of people see it and the color of love and all that but I kinda view it as a depressing and sad color, like red represents blood and when you see blood it never means anything good. I just resonate with the color” with a shrug

“Wow that is a big family, I’m guessing being the oldest also came with a lot of responsibilities” Harry said and Louis just nodded  
“I didn’t really mind it though, I just wanted to be the person they could always come and talk to no matter what and I’m hoping that they can tell me everything”

“Yea I understand that and I’m sure you’re a great big brother to them. I also see what you mean about the color red and red being blood and blood not being a good thing, but it also represents love and love is happy and warm feeling that brings joy to your life so I have to disagree with you about love being a depressing color” Harry said trying his best to explain love

Louis just scoffed and rolled his eyes and said “All love does is causes pain and suffering”

It’s not like Louis couldn’t feel love, he loves his family and his friends, and it’s because the love he has for them he’s still alive. But being alive only causes him pain, so in the end his love for them is also the reason he’s in pain and suffers through every day.  
Not to even mention the boyfriends who have lied to him, played with his feelings and the worst of the worst, the one who cheated and made Louis feel worthless.

“Bad breakup?” Harry cautiously asked  
“When has a break up ever ended well? And it’s not just that why would you ever give someone the opportunity or chance to break your heart? It’s so stupid” Louis siad while huffing and crossing his arms over his chest  
“I guess I’m a hopeless romantic, I understand what you mean but I’d like to believe that even if you give someone your heart and the opportunity to break it, that they won’t, that they love you enough not to”

Louis couldn’t help but think how naive and stupid Harry was because everyone always ends up breaking your heart weather it’s by purpose or not. Louis just eyed up the pretty boy in front of him sighing and saying “I’m trying my best not to call you stupid, but you’re making it extremely hard Harold”

“Just Harry, not Harold” he said while snickering and Louis just rolled his eyes.

“Okay if we look at non romantic love, you love your family and friends, that love isn’t pain or suffering” he said trying to show Louis the good parts of love. It didn’t always have to be romantic, it could be platonic.

And when the words “my love for them causes me the most pain and suffering” left Louis mouth Harry’s eyes just widened in complete shock and confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked scared that Louis would react in a bad way to his question.  
“Never mind, your turn now Harold what’s your passions and how many siblings do you have and what’s your favorite color?” Louis said changing the subject

“Let's get the easy ones out of the way then” Harry began “I have one sibling, an older sister. We've always been really close to one another and she’s always the first person I go to when I need advice and she’s just like my best friend. My favorite color is blue and I go through periods where different shades are my favorite, sometimes it’s the shade of the blue sky just light and airy, then there’s times where my favorite shade of blue is the oceans color, like when you’re out on sea and you can’t see down like this dark deep complex color” Harry explained a smile never leaving his face

“It’s nice that you’re that close to your sister and I get it, the color changing depending on how you’re feeling right then and how your life’s going. What is your favorite shade now?” Louis asked as he watched Harry tilt his head a bit and his eyes wandered up like he was trying to remember.

It was really adorable and so where the dimples on his cheeks when he smiled, or when he was talking about his sister there was this light in his eyes and you could really tell he loved her.

“The color of your eyes” Harry said without hesitation causing Louis to blush and look down at his lap in an attempt to hide his blush

Harry could still see Louis blush no matter how much he tried to hide it and that just made Harry smile but he decided not to mention it.

“And I’d have to say my passion is singing and writing songs. I’ve never really been good with telling people how I feel and I always found it easier to write it in forms of songs. And I think it’s like you said about your writing. It's the aspect of seeing how people would react to something I wrote and how they’d interpret my words. And it’s a nice way to get all my feelings out and just let myself feel my feelings if that makes sense” Harry said and it was the truth he loved writing and it is his passion.

Even if Louis wasn’t aware of who he was he was going to be as truthful as he possibly could.

“You have to let me hear you sing” Louis said a smile spreading over his face and looking up to harry

“What type of music are you into” Harry asked changing the subject  
“I see what you did there, you’re gonna sing for me sooner than later. But I’m into more old music, you know oasis, the beatles. What about you?” Louis asked

“I’m into older stuff too, like Stevie Nicks and the Beatles too have been a big inspiration to me, also Freddie Mercury”

Louis was nodding as listened to Harry speak when he got the idea “let’s make each other playlists”

Harrys just widened at the request “like now? On the spot?”

“No it’s Monday today so how about a deadline for Friday” Louis suggested  
“Wow deadline makes me feel like I’m back in school again” Harry said while laughing a bit “but yea that works for me”

They continued talking until closing only being interrupted once, by a customer who got coffee to go and after they resumed talking.

Louis learned that Harry was a health freak and always watched what he ate, which honestly didn’t make Louis feel better. But Harry’s favorite cheat meal was burger and fries, while Louis told him his favorite food ever was his mum’s lasagna. Louis also told Harry that his favorite way to spend a weekend off from work was with his two best friends or just in his room writing or with a good book or movie, while Harry said his favorite way to spend a weekend was to bake until his whole house smelled of bread and other baked goods.

He had also told Harry about his best mates and how Zayn had been by his side since they were babies and how Niall just completed their friendship. Harry told him about Liam and how they’d probably get along and how Liam was a big part of Harry’s life and he was the one who always stopped him from making stupid decisions.

Harry expresses with the biggest smile about how sunflowers were his favorite flowers and went on a little rant about how the plant just spoke to him and he felt like they deserved more love and Louis couldn’t help but fondly smile at how passionate he was about sunflowers.

He also noticed how Harry’s eyes would light up when speaking of the things he loved whether it was his mother’s cooking or the bakery he worked at or sunflowers. And whenever Louis would make a joke Harry would let out the most obnoxious and loud cackle before he’d be quick to cover his mouth and blush. Every time he did it Louis couldn’t help but laugh a bit at him.

Louis was more of a listener then a speaker and that was clear to Harry so he didn’t push it, he’d occasionally ask questions and he’d get vague answers but he didn’t mind because he knew it was better than nothing. But he had yet to establish whether Louis was interested in men or not, they never discussed relationships.

They were talking when Louis' phone buzzed on the table flashing them the time in the process.

“Wow it’s already 9:20” Louis said staring at his phone  
“I guess time does fly by when you’re having fun” Harry said with a chuckle  
“I should start cleaning up and closing for the night” Louis said, looking into Harry's eyes.

He almost found himself wishing the night would be a bit longer and they could have talked for a bit longer. A part of was hoping that Harry would offer him a ride home.  
Louis looked over the text from Niall asking him if he needed a ride home and he assumed he had been staring for a long time because Harry asked “Everything alright?” With concern written all over his face.

“Yea, just my roommate asking if I need a ride home” Louis said as he went to answer Nialls text  
“I can drive you, if you’d like. I’m already here you know a bit unnecessary for him to drive all the way down here, but of course only if your comfortable” Harry said as he began to ramble  
“Are sure? It wouldn’t be too much to ask”  
Harry just shook his head with a grin on his face “you’re not asking, I’m offering”

“Okay thanks, you just sit and I’ll just tidy up around here” Louis said as he quickly sent Niall a text saying he’d take the tube.

“I can help, it’ll be quicker” Harry offered  
“No I couldn’t ask you that, just sit and I’ll be done soon”  
“Once again Lou you’re not asking in offering” Harry said with a smile

“Lou?” He asked with a small smile  
“I’m sorry it just kinda slipped out, I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to” he said, panic washing over his face.  
“Harry it’s okay breathe, I don’t mind and If you insist on helping them you can put the chairs up, but you have to take home some leftover pastries” Louis said with raised brows  
“Okay deal” Harry said grinning and getting up from his seat.

They both worked in silence only the soft jazz being heard in the background as Louis was packing two boxes, one for Harry and one for Niall. After Harry put up the chairs he insisted on also sweeping the floor while Louis did behind the counter. Within 15 minutes they were done and Louis was locking the doors as Harry patiently stood beside him waiting.

“You didn’t have to help me clean up” Louis said as they began walking towards Harry’s car  
“No I didn’t mind it, it was nice doing something like that and feeling somewhat normal” he said while stuffing his hands in the pockets of his black jacket  
“What do you mean by feeling normal?” Louis asked looking up at Harry.

The height difference made Louis look so small next to Harry and Louis didn’t really like it, he didn’t enjoy feeling small and he was intimidated by Harry now that he was right next to him.

“I told you I travel a lot and it’s often hotel after hotel so I never get to do the little things like clean” he said looking straight ahead  
“Not gonna lie you sounded a bit spoiled there” Louis said while laughing  
“I am grateful for it, I know I’m privileged” Harry said. He desperately wanted to change the subject and not look like a spoiled brat in front of Louis.

“So what do you want to do after you graduate?” He asked  
“Obviously I’d want to become a writer but I have to be realistic so am thinking maybe paralegal or an English teacher. I haven’t fully figured it out yet” Louis said as they stopped in front of a black Range Rover.

Louis tried his best to not look shocked but the car was beautiful and he definitely did not feel worthy of stepping into the car. He was even more shocked when Harry opened the door for him and Louis just smiled and got in.

Harry then went around and go into the driver's seat doing his seatbelt before saying “i could see you as a teacher, with some cute glasses and standing behind a desk trying to look intimidating”

”I am intimidating” Louis protested crossing his arms over his chest  
Harry just scoffed and rolled his eyes before saying “sure you are”

Louis just huffed and pouted like a child and Harry couldn’t help but let out a giggle.

“Write in your address” Harry said as he watched Louis act like a baby in the passenger seat.  
“If I must” he said playfully before writing his address in the gps.

The car ride was enjoyable for both just casually talking about London as they drove away from the city and towards Louis flat. The conversation was lighthearted, just their favorite thing about London and things to do. The car ride was also filled with a bit of silence but it wasn’t awkward or anything, just more of a comfortable silence as soft music played on the radio

Louis hadn’t realized he closed his eyes until he felt the car come to a stop and his eyes snap open.

“I think we’re here” Harry said as he looked out the window at the apartment complex  
“Yea were here, I’m guessing it’s not what you’re use to” he said as he watched Harry who was staring at the building  
“No but it looks cozy”  
“Cozy?” Louis asked confused as he looked between the building and Harry  
“Yeah”

“Thank you for the ride, I really appreciate” Louis said as he looked over to Harry looking at his side profile watching how his hair frames his face  
“No need to thank me I offered” he said turning to face Louis

“I was thinking, I’m working tomorrow again same time if you’d like to come by then too” Louis said his cheeks flushed and a bit shocked that he was even asking  
“Yea I’d love that, same time?” He asked as he felt the blush creep on to his cheeks

Louis just nodded before handing Harry the box with the pastries.  
“I gave you the best ones and I’m sure Nialls gonna hate me for it” he joked and Harry just smiled even wider than before  
“Thank you” he said as he took the box from Louis.

“I’ll see you tomorrow and text me when you get home” Louis said before stepping out of the car  
“I’ll see you then and I’ll text you! Have a good night” he said smile not leaving his face once  
“You too and drive safe” Louis said before closing the car door.

He just stood outside and watched Harry drive away before going inside. After kicking off his shoes and trodding his way to the living room.

“Hey man” Zayn said who was sprawled out on the couch  
“Hey, how was work?”  
“It was alright, a bit boring, what about you? Did that Harry guy stop by?” Zayn asked with a big grin  
“Yes he did, and yeah work was alright” Louis said as he put the pastries in the fridge  
“Is that all?” He asked with raised brows

Louis contemplated whether he should tell him about getting a ride home, but he knew they’d just make it into a big deal.

“Yes, where’s Niall?” Louis asked changing the subject  
“Asleep he was working on some paper he has due tomorrow and he was exhausted” Zayn said  
“Poor leprechaun” Louis said, causing Zayn to laugh “when are you going to bed?” He added looking at the time on his phone  
“I don’t know, want to watch a movie?” Zayn asked and Louis nodded eagerly  
“I’ll just get changed and you pick a movie” Louis said before running off towards his bedroom

After getting changed into a hoodie and sweatpants, Louis went out to the living room where the beginning of Deadpool was playing and obviously Zayn was going to pick this movie. But he didn’t complain sitting down in the loveseat and wrapping up with a blanket.

20 minutes into the movie Louis' phone vibrated in his pocket and after looking at it, it was a text from Harry and he couldn’t help but smile a little.

Harry: Hey I just wanted to let you know I made it hope safe. Hope you have a good night, sleep tight x

Louis: I’m glad, you have a good night too x

-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // There will be mentions of selfharm and eating disorder/ starving yourself

**Reserved - chapter 3**

_I feel a little rush_   
_I think I've got a little crush on you_   
_I hope it's not too much_

Cush - Yuna

Louis had no idea why he had the feeling that he needed to hide his coffee shop interactions from Niall and Zayn. He knew they’d make it into something bigger than it actually was. 

Harry had been going to the coffee shop every evening for the past week. It was the one thing he looked forward during the whole day, whenever he was doing a task he wasn’t too fond of he’d just think ‘I’ll get to see Louis tonight’ 

Harry had yet to tell Liam about the fact that he was going off to see Louis every night, he knew Liam would just tell him off and try to talk him out of it or make him tell Louis. But Harry was just having so much fun with Louis it was carefree, it was fun and lighthearted conversation and just getting to know each other. It was something Harry longed for, talking to Louis made him feel this warm feeling inside of his chest as if he was going to explode and suffocate him and he didn’t mind it. 

Harry enjoyed telling Louis about the stuff he liked and stuff he had experienced, childhood stories and it was nice talking to someone who didn’t know of your existence before meeting you. It was nice not being known. 

They had exchanged playlists and Louis knew a few songs on the playlist but some he had never heard, so it was on repeat; when he was studying, going to work or just laying in bed the playlist Harry had made him was playing. Harry had told Louis he enjoyed the playlist but Louis himself was having a hard time believing it. 

Louis hated to admit it but he was growing fond of the spoiled brat, he'd make the absolute worst dad jokes and then laugh at his own joke, he’d get extremely shy and blush whenever louis complimented him. He’d pout like a child whenever Louis swore and would remind me he'd get on Santa’s naughty list if he continued. He was an absolute dork who snorts when he laughs and has this loud laugh, almost like a screech when he gets overly excited, then gets embarrassed about it.

Harry always insisted on paying for his coffee and Louis’ tea, and then giving Louis a tip on top of it. It wasn’t until Louis joked about not being a prostitute that Harry stopped with the tips but continued to pay for his and Louis drinks. 

Another thing Louis liked about Harry was the fact that he was genuinely interested in the stuff Louis was interested in and he asked about his classes. It confused Louis because why would a good looking guy like Harry care about him and what he was interested in. It was foreign to Louis, none of his previous boyfriends had really cared as much as Harry did.

Louis had had 2 serious relationships, his first boyfriend he had the last year of college his name was Andrew, it lasted about a year. None of them had actual boyfriends before so it was exciting, new and fun. Louis had also been the first to fall, it seemed like he always was quick to fall and when college came to an end, Andrew was going to Ireland and Louis to London and they knew that long distance wouldn’t work. 

Louis' second relationship was much different to the one with Andrew. He met Nick in the beginning of the first semester of uni but didn’t get together until the second semester. At first it was amazing, Nick would buy Louis flowers and walk him to his classes, they’d do these cute little movie dates and study dates. Within the first three months of the relationship Louis was head over heels and that’s why it was harder to leave when things turned sour.

The relationship lasted a bit over a year and the last 6 months were the worst. Louis never got to go out with his friends any more and was rarely home, all his time was spent with Nick. Zayn and Niall tried their best to make Louis see how toxic it was but he wasn’t having any of it. He did believe Nick loved him and it wasn’t always bad, Louis justified his actions by explaining how guilty Nick would feel after he’d treat Louis badly. 

When things turned really bad was when Louis saw that what he and Nick had wasn’t love. And despite how rude he had been to Zayn and Niall they took him back with open arms. They helped Louis to the best of their abilities and took care of him and got him through the last months of school. 

Louis was still hurting and he didn’t blame the boys for not noticing because he put up a front and plastered a smile on his face whilst on the inside he was slowly breaking. It was also around this time he gave up on love and finding it. He made sure to push his face in his pillows whenever he was crying in his room at night and that he’d cut in places only he could see.

He’d lie about how much he was eating, telling them he got some food after class so they wouldn’t complain about how little he was eating at dinner. Louis always told them he would have breakfast before his morning classes or he’d tell them he would have dinner at work. Their schedules rarely matched up enough for the boys to catch on to Louis lies. 

And it wasn’t like he had an eating disorder, he just wanted to lose a bit of weight and it wasn’t like he’d go days without eating and he was really hungry he would eat. He wouldn’t starve himself. Or that’s at least what he convinced himself of 

Harry would always ask if Louis was going to eat something when they were at the coffee shop, but Louis would always lie and say he ate before Harry came. Harry could sense it was a lie but he never pushed it because he could tell it made Louis uncomfortable.

It was around closing time when they had decided to start closing up and heading home. Harry would have loved to sit and continue talking but he could see how tired Louis was, the bags under his eyes, his eyes looked lifeless and tired. His smile wasn’t the same and when Harry asked if he was okay, Louis just blamed it on the stress from school. 

Louis got up from his chair and he managed to take two steps before his vision began to become blurry and he lost total vision in his right eye. It was like the room was swaying and he swayed with it as he tried to regain his balance and the soft jazz playing over the speakers were slowly fading out. Then he felt a hand gently wrap around his forearm slowly guiding him back to the chair. 

Louis sat in the chair with his eyes closed for a bit taking a couple deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again meeting Harry’s eyes staring back at him with worry, his breath hitched in his throat. Harry was crouched down in front of him, his hand on Louis' knee desperately looking at his face searching for answers. 

“Are you okay?” Harry asked his gaze not leaving Louis face 

“Yea I’m fine I just stood up too quickly” he said brushing the hair out of his face

“Have you had anything to eat or drink today?” 

Louis opened his mouth for a second before closing it again. He could lie and say he had but Harry’s eyes looked too kind and too worried to be lied to so he just shook his head no. 

“Okay you sit tight I’m gonna clean up and then I’ll take you to get some food” Harry said as he stood up

“You don’t have to do that” Louis said as he began to stand up 

“No sit back down, I’ve got this and I know you think of me as a spoiled brat but I do know how to clean” Harry said with a stern look

“I don’t think you’re a brat” Louis mumbled as he sat back in his chair with his arms crossed and a pout on his face.

Harry just chuckled before he went around the counter to begin cleaning. He had watched Louis do this enough times to know exactly what to do and how to clean out the coffee machine. After that he made sure to pack Niall the leftover pastries and some for himself since Louis insisted on it. 

After Harry swept the floors and put up all the chairs while Louis stood at the door smiling fondly at the man in front of him. After locking up they silently walked towards Harry’s car, Harry’s hand around Louis's waist giving him support. As much Louis wanted to scream and tell him not to touch him there, he let it happen until they got into the car. 

“So where are you taking me?” Louis asked as Harry began driving 

Harry just smiled and quickly glanced over at louis before looking back at the road “it’s my favorite place, it’s this small diner and they have the best food and no one is ever really there so that’s a great plus” he said 

“You don’t like crowds?” Louis asked 

“I like kinda being alone and I typically don’t enjoy meeting new people” Harry said truthfully 

He wasn’t lying; he liked being alone because then no one could take pictures and no one could start rumors. The reason he didn’t like meeting new people is because they seemed to already have their minds made up about him and know all about him. Harry since he was 16 he was viewed as this womanizer that had a different girl in his bed every night. Mostly it was to cover up the fact that he wasn’t into women at all but it took a toll on him, it was exhausting. 

Every song he wrote was speculated about who he wrote it about and that was the worst part. His music was something so personal to him and even that had been robbed off of him. Couldn’t his music just be for him? That’s why he was glad Louis had no idea who he was, he could be whoever he wanted and Louis would come to an opinion about Harry on his own. 

“That’s a lie, you were very eager to talk to me” Louis said giggling a bit

“Because you were different” Harry said smiling to himself 

“I was rude to you” Louis said with a confused look on his face 

“Exactly” he said glancing over to Louis 

Louis was a bit confused but he decided not to question it. 

“So where is this secret place you’re taking me then?”

“You’ll see” Harry said as he smiled at Louis “I’ve never taken anyone there, not even Liam” 

“Is it like the place you escape to when you want to get away?” He asked staring at Harry’s profile 

“Yea kind of, it’s just so quiet and peacefully, you’ll see” 

Louis felt a pit in his stomach weighing him down as he began to fidget with his fingers. “Are you sure you want to take me there? It seems quite personal” he said 

“I still want to take you there, promise” Harry said and Louis just nodded, smiling to himself and looking down. 

The rest of the car ride to the diner was quiet. The only thing being heard was music playing from the playlist Louis had made for Harry. Louis was surprised that Harry would actually like the songs. 

When they arrived at the diner and Harry parked the car he quickly got out and ran around to open the door for Louis and help him out of the car before leading him into the diner. 

“Harry darling, it’s been a while” an older lady cooed at Harry. 

She was clearly working at the diner, she had ginger hair and she was a couple inches shorter than Louis and had the kindest eyes. She had this aura about her that just screamed mother, she looked like she’d give the best hugs ever. 

“I know I just got back from LA a week ago” he said embracing the elder lady into a hug and squeezing her tightly and Louis just rolled his eyes 

“I know you’re a busy boy but you can’t be gone that long again” she said letting him go and staring at his face 

“I won’t, Helena this is my friend Louis and Louis this is the owner Helena” Harry said introducing them 

Louis put out his hand but Helena just smiled at him dearly before pulling him into a hug and squeezing him tightly and swaying left to right. Louis just looked over at Harry that was just smiling at them, his eyes slightly squinted and dimples clearly visible. 

Helena let Louis go shooting him another smile with her hand over her heart. 

“Louis, how about you go and choose a booth for us and I’ll be right there” Harry suggested putting his arm around Helena's shoulder and Louis just nodded before nodding and leaving the pair.

“He seems like a nice boy, first person you’ve brought here” she said looking at Harry 

“I know, I think I like him. But he doesn’t know who I am or what I do so if you could just not mention it” Harry said slyly 

“Harry” she said with a stern look on her face 

“I will tell him I promise I just wanted him to get to know me for me” he said sheepishly with a crooked smile 

“I understand that but just don’t wait too long, now take these menus and go sit down” she said handing him the menus 

He just nodded, smiling and skipping off to the table where Louis was sitting. 

“You seem happy” Louis said with a smile 

“I am, here you go” he said handing him the menu 

“What do you usually get?” Louis asked after opening the menu 

“Usually the burger and fries, it’s my favorite but also a slice of pie or cake” Harry said looking at Louis who was focused on the menu 

“There’s a lot, it’s a bit overwhelming” Louis said nervously looking over the menu. 

Harry then took the menu out of Louis' hands before closing it “how about I order for you?” He suggested and Louis just nodded sighing with relief. 

“When there’s a lot on the menu it’s hard to choose you know?” Louis said too afraid to meet harry's eyes 

“It’s okay, you’re not allergic to anything are you?” Harry asked thinking about what he should order for Louis and Louis just shook his head. 

“There’s not a lot of healthy options on there” he said hoping Harry would get the hint that he didn’t want anything unhealthy 

“You haven’t ate anything today so I think it would balance out” Harry said with wide eyes and a concerned look 

Louis didn’t say anything as he turned to look out of the windows, biting on the inside of his cheek trying to ignore the tears burning his eyes. Harry didn’t say anything as he stared at Louis with a concerned look. Louis was brought out of his trance when Helena walked up to them asking they were ready to order. 

“Yes he will be having the turkey roast with mash and gravy, I’ll take my usual” Harry said ordering for them studying Louis face when he ordered his food 

Louis relaxed a bit. Turkey wasn’t too bad; it was healthier than 90% of the menu he could do without the gravy but he didn’t complain about it. 

“And what will you boys be drinking?” She asked looking over at Louis 

“I’ll just take water” Louis said giving her a small smile 

“I’ll have the blueberry pie milkshake and we’ll take a slice of chocolate cake to share” Harry said giving his best tooth smile to Helena and Louis just stared at him wide eyed and Harry just shrugged. Louis couldn’t help but think about how many calories that would be but he bit his tongue not saying anything. 

“You okay?” Harry asked, looking at Louis' face that had gone pale and Louis just nodded.

He was desperate to change the conversation away from food and push it out of his thoughts and it was like Harry could read his mind. 

“What is the scariest thing you’ve done?” 

“Wow that’s a good question actually, Id have to say when I came out to my family” he said before he even registered the words that had left his mouth

Louis began to feel a bit panicked, what If Harry was homophobic or wouldn’t want to hang out with Louis anymore. What if he’d think Louis was coming on to him and he’d feel uncomfortable? All these questions running around Louis' brain unsure what to do or say. 

“Yeah I understand that, was it hard?” Harry asked the smile not leaving his face and Louis was relieved 

“A bit I guess, it’s mostly how they will react, type of thing and Zayn already knew he was the first one I told and I think deep down I knew my parents wouldn’t care but it was what if that scared me. I remember Zayn having to hold my hand to calm me down, but once I told them they just hugged me and my mum cried and told me how proud of me she was and that was that pretty much” Louis said explaining a bit more knowing that Harry wasn’t judging him

“Yes I understand that, I feel like it’s always scary no matter how accepting your family is because there’s always that little bit of doubt, like what if they’re accepting of others but not of you. When I came out it was kind of like nothing, you know. Like it was common knowledge that I wasn’t straight” Harry said sharing his experience and Louis couldn’t help but smile so wide his checks ached 

“Even telling you was a bit frightening, it’s not first time I’ve lost friends for coming out to them” Louis admitted 

“Likewise, I just don’t understand how you can judge someone based on who they love, it’s messed up. But it just shows who your true friends are and those who aren’t” Harry says and Louis nodded in agreement 

“Zayn never left my side and when Niall found out he just said well that means more girls for me and laughed” Louis said smiling at the memory and Harry chuckled. 

“You seemed surprised when I said I wasn’t straight, how come?” Harry asked curiously 

“I’m not sure I just assumed you were not and I guess that’s wrong of me to assume” Louis said unsure to wh he had assumed that Harry was straight. 

“Most people tend to assume that I am straight and it’s honestly just whatever, the most important people know the truth. It’s not like I hide it but also I don’t go around telling everyone I meet” Harry said and Louis couldn’t help but blush because Harry told him and does that mean he’s one of those important people. 

“I’m the same,” Louis said, still blushing and looking down at his lap 

After their food arrived they continued talking and explaining at what point they realized they were into guys. 

Louis bit his lip trying to remember when he first knew “I think I always knew I was a bit different, I had the primary school girlfriends and all that but it was just because everyone else had them and I wanted to be like them. Then in year 6 I remember Zayn having a crush on this girl and the way he described it I had never felt that way about a girl, Yea I thought they were pretty but I didn’t want to hold their hand and kiss them or anything like that. Until I met Dylan he was on my football team a year above me and I remember thinking he was the prettiest boy ever, even prettier than Beckham. I remember wanting to hold his hand and kiss him and do all that stuff. And I knew then that it was different and after doing some googling and stuff I came to the conclusion that I’m gay and I was so scared for so long and then I just had to tell Zayn and the rest is history” Louis said explaing the whole story 

Harry couldn’t help but giggle at Louis story, it was absolutely adorable “I can just imagine you having this big school boy crush on him and not being able to pass a ball straight because you're too busy staring at him” he said and Louis just pouted saying “it was really embarrassing” just causing Harry to giggle even more

“My realizing I was into boys wasn’t as cute as your story” Harry said embarrassed at the memory “still tell me” Louis insisted 

Harry just sighed cheeks flushed a soft pink color “it was around that age when you start exploring and stuff” he said awkwardly laughing a bit “so I was on a certain explicit site and it was you know a couple engaging in couitous-“ before Harry had the chance to finish the sentence Louis burst out in a fit of laughter 

“Stop laughing” Harry whined trying to look angry but failing as he also began to laugh. 

After a minute or two of laughing Louis finally covered his mouth with his hand saying “I’m not laughing anymore, continue” and Harry just rolled his eyes before continuing “there’s not a lot more to the story but I was more into the guy then I was the girl and I thought it was a one off and then I watched two men and I knew from then on” 

Harry was clearly embarrassed about the story and too embarrassed to look Louis in the eyes. So Louis decided to let him off easy and change the topic to one that didn’t include Harry watching porn. 

They continued talking throughout the dinner, at some point Harry insisted Louis take a sip of the blueberry pie milkshake and it was way too sweet for Louis liking but Harry seemed to enjoy it. Louis really didn’t want to eat the chocolate cake so talked a lot and took a bite once,waving his fork around distracting Harry enough so he’d not notice he was the only one eating the cake. 

Louis was telling a story about his first time getting drunk when his phone ringing on the table interrupted him and Niall's picture lighting up Louis' screen. 

“I should take this, he’s probably worried about where I am” Louis said and Harry just gave him a understanding smile 

**“** Hey bubs” Louis said once answering the call 

“Where are you? It’s almost 12am and you’re not in your room” Niall said with a angry voice 

“I should of called, I’m sorry it completely slipped my mind but I promise I’ll be home soon” Louis promised hoping Niall wouldn’t ask where he was again 

“Louis William Tomlinson” Niall said 

“That’s my name” Louis said with a cheeky smile and Niall could practically see Louis' face in front of him.

“What are you hiding?” He asked knowing Louis all too well

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, just go to bed don’t worry about me I’m fine” Louis reassured the little Irish boy “I’m not sleeping until you get home” Niall said fighting back “fine I’ll be home soon to read you your bedtime story and tuck you in” he said whole rolling his eyes causing Harry to snicker a bit from across the table “see you soon” was all Niall said before hanging up 

“I’m sorry about that” Louis said giving Harry a sly smile “don’t worry, they’re great friends for worrying about you” he said reassuring Louis 

“Let’s get the check and then I’ll take you home” Harry said and Louis just nodded a bit disappointed that the night was ending so soon. 

After arguing over who would pay and Helena growing impatient she spoke up saying Harry would pay and that was that. Harry smiled as he stuck his tongue out to Louis, mocking him as if they were kids on a playground and Louis just rolled his eyes crossing his arms over his chest pouting. 

The drive back to Louis flat was filled with silence from the boys and soft music filling the car. 

“Same time tomorrow?” Harry asked as he pulled out in front of the flat 

“I’m not working tomorrow” Louis said as he watched Harry’s smile fade and disappointment flashing in his eyes “but we could still hang out, maybe do something together” Louis suggested and Harry’s smile was back “Yea id love that” he said while nodding eagerly and Louis just smiled. “I’ll text you tomorrow then” he said as he stepped out of the car and Harry nodded. 

“Drive safe” he said before closing the door and waving Harry off. 

After entering the flat he could hear the tv on and when getting to the living room he saw Niall asleep on the couch and Louis couldn’t help but smile to himself and cover the sleeping boy with a blanket before turning off the tv. 

After returning to his room he decided to text Harry despite everything in his body telling him not to, he does it. 

**Louis:** hey I was think maybe we could go on a picnic, I heard it’s supposed to be good weather tomorrow 

**Harry:** that sounds like a good plan, should we say around 1pm?

**Louis:** I’ll take care of the food and all, so you don’t have to worry about that 

**Harry:** if you insist, but I’ll take care of the drinks then

**Louis:** That sounds good, I’ll see you then. Have a good night x 

**Harry:** see you then, have a good night too x

  * **\- -**



Louis woke up earlier than he’d usually do on a Saturday afternoon, he was nervous to be hanging out with Harry. He wasn’t sure why since he had been hanging out with him for the past week non stop. 

But then it was in his comfort zone and it was mostly in an environment he could control. Maybe it was the fact that he knew Harry wasn’t straight. But nonetheless Louis got out of bed and took a shower avoiding looking at his naked body in the mirror. He decided to wear a white sweater and light blue denim jeans he cuffed at the ankles. He knew it would be way too hot in this outfit but he couldn’t let Harry see his scars, he’d scare him away for good if he did.

He decided to let his hair air dry as he began making the picnic basket filled with cucumber sandwiches, fruit salads and a different array of snacks, cookies and fruits. He also put a large jug of water in the fridge to be cold when he’s ready to leave. 

“are we going on a picnic?” Niall asked as he exited his room spotting the picnic basket on the kitchen counter. 

“I am” Louis said while smiling to himself. “When did you come home last night?” Niall asked sitting down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

“Like 15 minutes after your call and you were passed out” he said nodding towards the couch “Yea I woke up at like 3 and I went to your room and you were fast asleep” Niall said as he stole one of the grapes 

“Sorry for giving you a scare I should of called or texted you” Louis said giving him a apologetic smile 

“Where were you anyway?” He asked curious to why Louis had a massive grin on his face. 

“You know that guy Harry? Yea he’s actually been stopping by the coffee shop and we got dinner last night and that’s who I’m going on a picnic with” Louis said shyly,and too afraid to look Niall in the eyes 

It was silent for a few moments before Niall yelled “Zayn get out here” and Louis just rolled his eyes. 

Soon they heard scrummaging coming from Zayns room and the door flew open to reveal a half asleep Zayn with confusion writhing all over his face stumbling over his own feet. 

“Wha-what’s wrong” he asked looking around to see if everything was okay 

“Louis has a boyfriend” Niall said looking over at Zayn 

“He’s not my boyfriend” Louis protested as he carefully packed everything into the basket. “He’s going on a picnic with that Harry guy” Niall said and Louis huffed in annoyance. 

“Lou why didn’t you tell us and why did you lie to me about it being nothing” Zayn said more awake now “I just didn’t want it to turn into a thing, we’re just friends hanging out, nothing more” he said 

And Niall just scoffed saying “I thought he was a spoiled brat” 

“You’re one too, but he’s also nice” Louis said blushing a bit “you’re fucking blushing” Niall pointed out wide eyed just causing Louis to blush even more “it’s nothing” he said smilie not leaving his face 

“I’m going back to bed but when you get home again I want details from start to finish” Zayn said with a stern look before heading back to his room. “I’m gonna go do my hair” Louis said as he began to walk down his room “why is everyone leaving me?” Naill asked in confusion 

“Louis your phone is going off” Niall yelled from the living room “it’s your lover boy should I answer?” He asked 

“Niall James Horan if you answer that phone it will be the last thing you ever do” Louis yelled back from the room “gheez take a breather” he said entering Louis room and handing him the phone. 

“Hey Harry” Louis said after answering as he quietly shooing Niall out of his room. “Hey louis, how are you” Harry asked from the other line “I’m good I was just getting the picnic ready, how about you?” Louis asked the smile on his face growing wider. Niall just crossed his arms over his chest as he rolled his eyes while standing by the doorway. 

“Lou I hate to cancel last minute but something came up with work, I hope you didn’t get too much done, I feel so bad I’m so sorry, could we maybe reschedule?” Harry said 

Niall watched as Louis' smile just dropped as he just hummed ‘mmhm’ while nodding as if Harry could see him nodding or his disappointment. 

“No worries honestly, probably for the better. I have quite some studying to get done actually” Louis said trying his best not to sound disappointed. 

Louis was more angry at himself for letting himself get excited about the picnic. Obviously Harry would cancel, the fact that such a good looking guy would be seen in public would Louis probably scared Harry.

Harry probably didn’t want anyone assuming that him and Louis were on a date. Who would want to go out with someone that looked like him? 

Louis turned his back towards Niall just so he wouldn’t see the tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Are you sure it’s alright?” Harry asked worried if Louis was gonna hate him for canceling last minute “Yea it’s alright, I have to go but I’ll talk to you later” Louis said and before Harry could answer he hang up before turning back around to niall “you can go eat the food” Louis said sitting down on his bed 

“What happened?” Niall asked confused “work stuff came up” Louis said shrugging and Niall just frowned looking at his best friend sad.

“No moping around, we're gonna go eat that food and watch a movie, then when Zayns wakes up we’re going drinking and having the best night ever. Who knows you might even find a hot guy to take home” Niall said taking his hand and dragging him towards the living room. 

After sitting down on the couch while Niall got the food Louis curled his legs up to his chest resting his chin on his knees. “I was excited, I feel like that’s where I went wrong” Louis said sighing 

“Do you like him” Niall asked sitting down next to him and Louis just shrugged “I don’t think so but I could see myself liking him, but I don’t think he feels the same” Louis said “why?” Niall asked confused “don’t wanna talk about it” Louis mumbled and Niall took it as a sign to drop it. 

So the rest of the day Zayn and Niall tried their best to make Louis feel better, watching movies with him and cuddling him on the couch. Later in the evening they took Louis out and got him so drunk he couldn’t even walk a straight line. When he started crying about how he’d never be good enough for anyone they knew it was time to head home. After getting home Zayn and Niall made sure to cuddle Louis in between them. They knew exactly what he needed and cuddled him until they all fell asleep squished together in Louis’ bed and none of them really minded how hot and sweaty it was being pressed up against each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of this new format im writing in, id love to hear your thought on it. sorry it took me so long to update but ill try to update quicker next time. hope you enjoyed reading x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // self harm  
> i just want to say in no way am i trying to romanticize selfharm or make it look like something beautiful. Im someone who has struggeled with it and i understand how hard it can be. So if anyone needs to talk to someone im always here.

**Reserved chapter 4**

_ Have you ever seen stars like these _

_ With a night like this wishin' it could last for weeks _

_ And I'm convinced that soon you'll see _

_ These summer leaves turn to a winter breeze _

These lights - The Forecast 

It had been about two weeks since Louis heard from Harry and he got the message loud and clear. It was now the beginning of October and it was getting colder, not cold enough to bust out the winter jacket yet. But cold enough so Louis’ hoodies and long pants didn’t raise suspicions. 

Louis was convinced Harry didn’t want anything to do with him and he couldn’t of felt more stupid. He should have known from the get go, who would ever want someone that looked like him? 

Seated on the edge of the bathtub Louis looked down at his bare things that had a dozen open slashes. He looked between his blood covered thighs and the razor he held in his right. He knew he shouldn’t continue but he needed it, he really needed it. Just a couple more he told himself as he took the blade to the little bit of skin that was clear on the outside of his thighs. It was never deep cuts but it was enough to inflict pain and draw blood. It was almost as if he had mastered the art of it, how much pressure to apply, how to smoothly drag it across his skin in one quick motion. He had done it so much that a part of him felt like he was becoming numb to it. 

“Lou” Niall said from the other side of the bathroom door scaring Louis and causing him to put more pressure on the blade then intended.

“Fuck” he hissed looking at the rather large cut on his thigh dripping blood down into the white tiled floor.

“Everything alright?” Niall asked concerned and Louis just said “Yea, I’m good” 

“What did you want?” Louis asked, putting his hand over the cut trying to stop the bleeding. “me and Zayn are going to a party, one of Zayn's art buddies, you coming?” and Louis thought about it, he should really get out of the house but then on the other hand he had an essay due and it would be nice to be alone for a bit. “No mate I have an assignment I need to do, but don’t worry about me you two go out and have fun and call me if you need anything” Louis said hoping Niall wouldn’t ask any more questions “you sure?” Niall asked confused, it wasn’t like Louis to turn down a party. 

“Yeah it’s all good, l promise” 

“Okay but call us if you need something or if you change your mind” Niall said and Louis let out a sigh of relief “Yeah sure, have fun” he said 

After talking with Niall he waited to hear the boys leave before exiting the bathroom to find the plasters for the big cut that didn’t seem to want to stop bleeding. Stupid Niall if he hadn’t scared him none of this would be happening. After cleaning up the would and putting a plaster over it he returned to his room to change into a fresh pair of sweats. 

Contemplating on whether he should actually study or just watch a movie. Knowing that he should study he chose the latter, he had the whole of tomorrow off and he could always cram them. 

As he turned on his tv he brought out his phone to see if Niall and Zayn had posted anything. When a text message in his notifications list caught his eye. 

  
  


Text

**Harry:** Hey, I was just wondering if I could stop by your work tonight? I know you’re probably wondering where I went off to but I’d really like to talk to you 

The text wasn’t that old it was about 30 minutes ago and Louis really did contemplate on whether it was even worth answering but he was curious and couldn’t help himself. 

**Louis:** Hey, I’m not working :/ 

Louis wasn’t expecting a fast reply and was a bit surprised and confused about Harry’s answer. 

**Harry:** Would you still like to meet? Maybe go for a late dinner? 

**Louis:** I already ate dinner 

**Harry:** coffee? 

Louis knew he shouldn’t and he would regret it, probably feel even worse about himself then he did right now. 

**Louis:** how about you come over? Zayn and Niall aren’t home 

**Louis:** wait that sounded like something it is not, I’m just not in the mood to go out tonight 

**Harry:** no no I understand, I’ll head over now! I wouldn’t think it meant anything like that. 

**Louis:** ok, just press apartment 4B when you get here and I’ll buzz you up, and then just take the lift to the 4th floor. 

**Harry:** okay thanks, see you soon!

-

Louis practically jumped out of his bed tidying up his room and the rest of the house trying to make it presentable before Harry arrived. Shoving all the random clothes laying around into the supply closet, spraying some air freshener. Closing the boys bedroom doors and deciding to sit down on the couch putting on a show he could barely concentrate on. 

Louis pulled his knees to his chest laying his chin on them and he anxiously bit the skin on his lip. And hearing the buzz go off made Louis heart skin and a cold rush run over his body. His stomach churning as he slowly got off the couch to walk towards the buzzer. 

“Y-yeah?” He managed to croak out his voice unsteady 

“Hey it Harry” Harry said and Louis didn’t feel cold any more there was this warm rush spreading throughout his body. Hearing the voice he had missed, not that he’d ever admit that out loud, but it was true. Louis didn’t say anything but just pressed the open button and he could soon hear the door open. 

It’s as weird because Louis hadn’t known Harry for that long but it was weird how quick he got used to having him around and him being at the coffee shop was the highlight of his day. When it stopped Louis had to admit that he did miss it but he tried his best to hide it, at times even denying it to himself. 

He walked over to the mirror fixing his hair a bit so he didn’t look like a complete slob. He was wearing an oversized black hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants that were cuffed at the ankles. The knock on the door took Louis glaze off of himself and towards the front door. Taking a few deep breaths he walked over to the door, after opening it revealed Harry with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. 

“Sunflowers” Louis said, a smile spreading over his cheeks and Harry couldn’t help but smile. “I remember you saying they were your favorite” Harry said as he handed them to Louis 

“They are, come in, I’ll put these in a vase” Louis said as he led Harry into the flat and towards the living room. 

“You guys have a really nice place” he said and Louis just raised his brows “I’m sure it’s not what you’re use to” Louis said as he took out the vase 

“It’s not but it’s really cozy, I like it” Harry said “I was already at the store so i got some snacks, I got a bit of everything” he added as he placed a plastic bag on the counter. 

“You didn’t have to do that” Louis said as he placed the flowers in the vase and then on the dining table. 

“I wanted to and I felt like I owed you it, I promised you a picnic then disappeared for two weeks and now it’s October and too cold for a picnic” Harry said shyly as he started to place the food items on the dining table 

“You don’t have to make it up to me or anything, I got the message loud and clear and you don’t have to pity me or feel bad for me or anything like that. You could've just been straight up with me” Louis said not looking up at Harry 

“wait what?” Harry asked confused and wide eyed 

“Are you gonna make me spell it out? I’m already embarrassed” Louis groaned still looking down at the table 

“No no, I- you- Louis you’ve got it all wrong I was looking forward to the picnic, I really was” Harry said as he stepped closer to Louis “I went away for work and i swear I forgot about it until Liam showed up at my doorstep and was like time to go and I called you and you hung up before I fully got to explain and then I’ve been stuck in Jamaica and I didn’t have my phone and I really wanted you to know that I wanted to go on that picnic and we were suppose to go from Jamaica to LA for a couple of days but I had to come back and see you and I know we haven’t known each other for long but not seeing was hard and I know that’s straight forward but it’s the truth” he added not letting Louis interrupted once 

“Wow Jamaica then la, must be so hard” Louis mumbled but Harry heard but decided not to comment on it. 

“Please don’t be mad at me” Harry pleaded and Louis looked up at him finally meeting his gaze “I’m not mad” he said reassuring Harry 

“I get it you had other priorities and I understand that I do, I overreacted and I shouldn’t have” he said sighing and Harry just leapt towards Louis embracing him in a hug. 

“You didn’t overreact I should of check in with you or found a way to text you, just anything and I don’t want you to feel like you did something wrong because you didn’t” he said continuing to reassure Louis 

“It is whatever, you don't have to feel guilty or anything” Louis said with a shrug. “Do you want anything to drink?” Louis asked trying to change the subject 

“I’ll have water thank you” he said as Louis went over to the fridge to get the water. 

“You can sit down, it’s not like the furniture is made out of pure gold or something” Louis said as he threw Harry the bottled water 

“Were you busy before I came over? I hope I’m not interrupting anything” Harry said as they both walked over to the couch 

“No zayn and Niall went to a party and I was just gonna watch a movie or something” Louis said truthfully “why didn’t you go? To the party I mean” Harry asked curious “I wasn’t in the mood just wanted to be home” 

“I could leave if you want” Harry said, afraid that Louis didn’t want him there. 

It wouldn’t really be a surprise Louis was really reluctant over the phone, which he understood Harry did disappear on him for about two weeks. While in Jamaica he was working on writing and recording songs but not much got done since Louis was the only thing he could think of. Which made writing songs a bit difficult since everything he wrote was about Louis.

“No I don’t want you to” Louis said shyly 

“I missed hanging out and talking to you and I know how lame that’s gonna sound because we only just met” Harry said as he turned his body to face Louis 

“No I get it”

“So you missed me too?” Harry asked hopeful and Louis just grinned while saying “I can not confirm or deny that” 

“You so missed me and my amazing jokes” Harry said with a big smile causing Louis to roll his eyes 

“You know what I did while I was in Jamaica too?” Harry asked and Louis looked at him intrigued “I read crime and punishment” he said 

“Why?” Louis asked confused and equally shocked 

“Why not and I also had a feeling we would interpret the book in different ways” Harry said and Louis just raised his brows 

“Let me guess you feel bad for Rodion” Louis said while huffing and rolling his eyes 

“Not necessarily I just feel like the point behind the book and showing us the murder from the killers perspective is so you can understand what happens to lead someone up to that point, how society’s actions impacts someone. It makes you think about how you treat a person and how much of an impact your words and actions have, I don’t know I guess I felt a bit bad for him” Harry explained how he perceived the book 

“It’s about how we live in a misogynistic world and how men get away with absolutely everything” Louis said “it’s the way that he felt that he belonged to the ‘extraordinary’ men in society that could get away with anything they wanted” he added 

“Yea I understand that aspect of it but I feel like it comes back to wanted to be noticed and understood by someone. He never murdered the pawnbroker for the money or any of that and he felt extremely guilty. He just wanted to be seen, I get what he did was so wrong and you could never justify it but it makes you feel for him” Harry said 

“That’s the problem exactly, how do you even feel remorse for a murderer? That’s what the author wants you to feel, feel bad for the killer and you fell right into the trap” Louis said 

“But you have to see where I’m coming from? Like he just wanted to be seen and he was so misunderstood, he had everything against him and he was torn between his religion which he grew up with or joining the rebel movement and he didn’t feel like he belonged or that he could resonate with anyone, no one really tried to make him feel welcomed either. He was just so alone and I felt bad for him” Harry admitted and Louis just rolled his eyes 

“Being an outsider doesn’t justify murder” 

“I’m not justifying it, i just don’t think I have any right to judge especially seeing it from his point of view” Harry said In defence 

“You’re like his mum, you pity him” Louis said in disgust 

“I just see what the writer wanted to do and I understand it, I knew were gonna have different opinions” Harry said with a grin 

“Yea because you’re naive and too kind and feel bad for even a killer and I’m just reasonable and see that the sorry was definitely about powerful men in society and how they get away with everything” Louis said 

“I'm not naive and I know powerful men do get away with shit and think they’re above the law” Harry stated 

“And yet you feel bad for a killer” Louis said 

“I don’t” Harry protested and Louis just looked at him with raised brows 

“Well you’re cynical” Harry said crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You’re saying it as if it would be a bad thing, when you get your heart broken you will wish that you were like me” Louis said 

“So you genuinely believe that everyone does stuff for their own benefit?” 

And Louis had to think about it and when it came to love he’d never experienced someone doing something for him. No one had ever done anything just because they love Louis, they’d always be getting something out of it. He wasn’t really expecting any 

“Yes because everyone is selfish” Louis said point blank

“So you’re saying everything everyone has ever done for you is for their own person gain?” Harry questioned with a confused look on his face and Louis just nodded 

“You being here is also for you, you felt guilty that you canceled on me last minute and disappeared for two weeks without contacting me, it was because you felt guilty and it was to make you feel better not me” he said sheepishly and Harry’s eyes widened 

“No it wasn’t like that, I just didn’t want you to think I was a shitty person” Harry said sitting up straight. 

“There you have it, it was because you didn’t want me to think of you as a bad person, you did it for you” Louis said rather harshly and as soon as he did he realized how harsh it had been. “But no need to worry, not hard feelings that’s the way life is” he added trying to make Harry feel a little bit better 

“But it’s not how you should feel” Harry said with knitted brows “do you feel that way about love too?” He asked cautiously and Louis just nodded 

“It’s just the way life is”

“Has none of your past boyfriends done anything for you just for your happiness or just to show that they care for you and love you?” Harry asked as he studied Louis' face and took in every microreaction that Louis was probably unaware of.

“No” was all he said as he looked away from Harry and turned towards the tv. 

Harry knew he hit a sore spot and panic washed over him he never meant to bring up a rough topic or remind him of something negative. 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t of asked” Harry said and Louis just shook his head “don’t worry about it, we should watch a movie” he said grabbing the controller from the table and Harry just nodded dropping the previous subject 

“What do you want to watch?” Louis asked him as he looked over to Harry but avoided eye contact. 

“Do you guys have a dvd collection?” He asked and Louis was confused but nodded pointing towards the drawer under the tv and Harry practically ran over there with a big smile on his face. 

“You know that we have Netflix and pretty much every other streaming platform you could think of” Louis said still a bit confused 

“But dvds are so much better, makes it feel more authentic” Harry said as he looked through the box.

“I don’t even know what that means” Louis mumbled as he watched Harry practically bounce up and down 

“Titanic?” He asked holding up the dvd and Louis shook his head no “hate that movie” he said and Harry looked at him shocked 

He just huffed and thought to himself how anyone could hate Titanic as he put the movie back. He held up love actually and got a no from Louis again, he also said no to somethings gotta give, Bridget Jones diary and basketball and love. 

“Louis you’re so picky, I’m choosing a movie and you can’t complain” Harry said looking back at Louis who had his arms crossed over his chest 

“You’re only choosing romance shit” Louis objected, causing Harry to chuckle. 

He quickly put mamma Mia in and joined Louis on the couch and Louis just rolled his eyes when he saw the title of the movie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me” he said and Harry’s face lit up like a Christmas tree “you have to sing along” he stated and Louis just looked at him with raised brows “never” 

“You have to” Harry pouted and Louis shook his head no with a playful smile.

Harry continued to pout as he lightly shoved Louis' shoulder. 

They watched the movie in silence until the first song came and Harry ordered Louis to sing and Louis refused and shook his head and it was when Harry started bouncing up and down on the couch and drumming on Louis thigh that Louis winced in pain. 

It was right on the cuts he had previously made and right above the one where Niall scared him and he went too deep. And the pressure from harry's hands made it hurt even more. 

Harry quickly retracted his hands and looked at Louis with concern completely forgetting about the movie playing. 

“Didn’t mean to scare you I just bumped into a table yesterday and I have this bruise on my thigh” Louis lies and as he watched harry's face soften up he knew he had believed it

“I’m sorry” he said embarrassed and Louis just shook his head and reassured him that it was alright. 

Half way through the movie they began talking at first they were discussing the movie and Louis found it amusing that Donna didn’t know who Sophie’s dad was. Then they began to discuss Harry’s vacations and how he spent a whole month in Mykonos and Louis just rolled his eyes because obviously Harry could afford a month long vacation. But Louis didn’t say anything as they continued to discuss where his dream vacation was, Harry learned that Louis would die to be able to visit the Maldives and stay in one of those little huts above the water and Harry wanted to give that to him. 

Harry had mentioned the two things he hates is people who cheat and injustices, Louis just smiled because Harry was this little (big) social justice warrior and they’ve had many discussions about how Harry wanted to help people who didn’t have a voice or those who weren’t heard and Louis admired that about him. 

When Louis told Harry the 3 things he hates most in life, number one was hate and that made Harry chuckle a bit, number two was cheaters and Harry nodded understandingly, when Louis then said the thing he hates most on this planet earth is people who lie, Harry flinched a bit. 

That’s exactly what Harry was doing right now and Louis would hate him if he found out. Maybe it was time to come clean, Louis didn’t seem to care about Harry’s work like that much, but would it change if he knew Harry was a pop star? Would it make Louis not want to talk to him? 

Harry was about to open his mouth to say something but Louis' phone went off and he picked it up from next to him before answering. 

“Hey bub” Louis said to Niall over the phone and he could practically see the drunk Irishmen in front of him “Louissssss you should have come out it’s so much fun” Niall said as he dragged out each word “I’ll go out with you guys next time” he promised as he looked over to the clock on the wall and he was surprised it was already quarter past midnight “but that’s gonna be like Halloween” he complained and Louis just laughed 

“Will you be up when we get home?” Niall asked as his words were a tad bit slurred “depends on when you’re getting back” Louis stated Niall just hummed and asked “we’re gonna get McDonald’s later should I call you when we’re there? 

“Yes do that and if I don’t answer I’m probably asleep” Louis said and even though he couldn’t see Niall he knew he was nodding. 

“Talk later, Zayn says hi and love you” 

“Say hi back and I love you both too” he said before the line went dead. 

“Sorry that was Niall, he gets a bit clingy and child like when drunk” Louis explained and Harry just nodded wondering how close they actually were. “You guys seem really close” he stated and Louis scoffed knowing exactly what Harry meant. 

“I’m not fucking him if that’s what you think” louis words made Harry look at him wide eyed and a bit flustered “I never said that” Harry objected 

“You were thinking about it, Niall is as straight as they get and i love him I do he’s like my little brother, sure I call him bub and tuck him into bed but it’s only because he’s practically a child, that’s why I’m so affectionate with him” Louis explained and Harry just nodded and explained “like I said before I didn’t think you two were” 

“It’s nice that you are so close with them” Harry said “I’m sure you have someone who you’re that close to, you mentioned Liam I think his name was” Louis said hoping he said the right name 

“Yea Liam is my best friend, him and my sister are the only people I can tell everything to, they’re the first people I go running to if I need advice or help on something” Harry said frowning as he thought of the two closest people and how disappointed they’d be in him right now. 

“And look at me here not assuming you’re sleeping with Liam” Louis said causing Harry to chuckle “why the frown though?” He asked, noticing Harry’s sad face. 

“Just thinking” he said as he began to fidget with his fingers too afraid to look at Louis. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Louis said with a smile as he tried to read harrys face 

“They’d be disappointed in me” he simply said 

“What makes you think that?” Louis question a frown now present on his face too 

“Liam told me not to do this one thing and I did do it. I haven’t even told Gemma but I know she’d be so disappointed too” 

“What did you do?” He asked curiously 

“I can’t tell you” Harry said as he looked down at his lap. 

“It’s okay, sorry for asking didn’t mean to impose or something” Louis said as he brought his knees to his chest 

“No no I’m sorry it’s just complicated” Harry admitted as he looked over to Louis 

“Okay but if it made you happy then I think you should not care about it, and trust me I understand what it’s like to have friends watching your every move. But if you are happy just do you” Louis encouraged 

Harry chuckled and sighed before saying “But that’s also complicated”

And it was true he did feel so guilty about lying to Louis but lying gave him a chance to get to know Louis and that made Harry happy and he could be himself without worrying about his fame and money. 

Louis watched as Harry got lost in his thoughts, he took that as a sign to drop whatever Harry had been referring to. 

“I like your hair” Louis blurted out just for the sake of saying something to break the silence. It wasn’t a lie he liked Harry’s hair and the way it framed his face and how it curled at the bottom, it wasn’t really short but not long either. It was long enough to tuck it behind his ears but not long enough to have it in a bun. 

“Really?” Harry asked with an amused smile 

“Yea it’s pretty, princess like almost” as Louis reached over to run his fingers through Harry’s hair. 

When the cat like purr left Harry's lips his eyes widened as did Louis’. But he couldn’t help it getting his hair played with was his favorite thing, it didn’t stop him from his face turning beet red as he had just moaned in front of Louis. 

“I’m sorry” Louis said while trying to hold his laugh “S’not funny” Harry said embarrassed over what had just happened. “No need to be embarrassed I also love getting my hair played with” Louis said as he tried to make Harry feel better 

“Don’t stop” Harry said as Louis began to remove his hand 

“Needy much?” Louis scoffed as he continued to run his hands through Harry’s hair 

Harry had missed this, it had been so long since someone just played with his hair and he craved the simple affection. It was kind and gave him this warm feeling, he could fall asleep at any moment now. 

“Harry you can’t fall asleep” Louis said as he lightly tugged at Harry’s hair and Harry just purred louder than before. 

“Stop that” he said blushing over the fact that he’d been that loud “guess you’re a loud one then” Louis joked and Harry just buried his face in his hands. 

“If- if you would have a loud one over would the other boys hear you?” Harry asked blushing over that he had even asked the question 

“No not really depends on how loud they are, most of the time I can’t hear them, but I never bring my hookups home, this is kinda my private space so if it’s a one time thing then I’d rather not have them here” Louis said with a shrug 

And Harry didn’t know if that meant that Louis didn’t view him in a sexual manner or he simply viewed him as a friend. A part of him was disappointed but he didn’t really mind being only friends with Louis, maybe then telling him the truth would be easier. 

“Why you so shy for?” Louis asked looking over to Harry “it’s just sex, I’m sure you have plenty of it and can be as loud as you want in your big house” he teased 

“M’ not loud” Harry said crossing his arms over his chest playfully 

“Sure you’re not” Louis teased and Harry just groaned “let’s put on another movie” he said changing the subject and getting off the couch and Louis decided to let it go. 

“We’re watching the notebook and no objections please” Harry said as he got the movie out and Louis just rolled his eyes. 

“If you keep rolling your eyes at me they’re gonna get stuck in the back of your head” Harry stated and Louis just laughed a bit 

None of them actually paid attention to the movie playing, they discussed their childhoods and Louis told Harry he had been in a Greece play and Harry had told him for the tenth time that he had worked in a bakery. Louis talked about wanting to become an actor but gave up on that dream when he was 18 and didn’t really enjoy it that much anymore. Harry told Louis about the band he and his friends had during school called ‘white Eskimo’ and Louis tried to get Harry to sing him something. And Harry had said to him ‘you missed your chance when we were watching mamma Mia’ and Louis groaned in annoyance. 

And soon the end credits for the notebook were rolling and it was a bit past 2am and they had mainly talked about their childhoods and different memories, it was nice though Louis enjoyed it. 

“Do you have to go?” Louis asked hoping that Harry would say no

“Do you want me to go?” He asked shyly and Louis shook his head no

“Niall just sent me a text and they’re at McDonald’s, do you want anything?” Louis asked and Harry shook his head no

“I’m getting a milkshake, so are you, what flavor?” Louis asked not caring if Harry wanted one or not 

“Strawberry” he said amused by Louis and his demands 

“I’m disappointed in you Harold, chocolate is the only way to go” Louis said and Harry just giggled. He freaking giggled and Louis' heart swelled. 

Louis got a voice message from a drunk Niall saying ‘you fucking hate strawberry milkshake and why do you want two milkshakes??’ and they both just laughed Louis texting Niall back telling him to get both the chocolate and strawberry 

“He’s Irish?” Harry asked Louis nodded saying that Niall was a little leprechaun lost in the big city. 

“Could we maybe go into my room? It’s just niall and Zayn can be much and especially when they’re drunk and I’m not up for them harassing you tonight” Louis said shyly hoping Harry wouldn’t misinterpret what he was saying 

“You just what me in your bed don’t you?” Harry said with a smug smile and Louis panicked a bit “no no, we can stay out here it’s okay I really didn’t mean it like that” Louis said reassuring him 

“I was just pulling your strings, I’m glad you asked I’m not really up for meeting people tonight” Harry said with a small smile 

It wasn’t technically a lie, he just wanted to hang out with Louis tonight and what if his friends would have recognized Harry and that would have not been good. “Lead the way” Harry simply stated and Louis got up leading him towards his bed room. 

Harry looked around Louis' room and took in the simple room. There was a desk right across the door sitting in front of a large window and to the right of it was a closet and a full length mirror. Then to the left of the desk was a tv on the wall and across from it say a queen sized bed with a big teddy bear seated on the bed. All in all the room was very simple but the books and notebooks spread throughout the room made it feel more homely. And the warm cinnamon smell that filled the air made it feel even better. 

“Can I lay down in your bed?” He asked and Louis just nodded “so who is this little guy then?” He asked as he held the teddy bear towards Louis 

“Stop it that’s Bambi” he said as he took the teddy bear out of Harry’s hands 

It wasn’t like he was a child and needed to sleep with a teddy bear, it was just after his last relationship ended he found it hard sleeping alone and he didn’t always want to bother Niall and Zayn so they got him Bambi. For the nights they couldn’t be with him so he’s still not sleep alone 

“You sleep with a teddy bear?” Harry asked with an amused smile 

“S’not funny” Louis simply stated as he placed Bambi on his desk chair “never said it was, it’s quite adorable actually” 

Harry got into the bed laying down closest the wall and letting his muscles relax and sink into the mattress. It was really comfortable and unless Louis talked he knew he’d fall asleep 

“You talk really slow you know?” Louis said as he sat down on the bed sitting facing Harry. And Harry just nodded at that statement and Louis was a bit confused. 

“I can see the moon” Harry said as he pointed towards the window and Louis smiled “Yea that’s why I put my bed there so I could watch the moon and and stars and all” he said 

“You think people have actually been to the moon?” Harry asked as he continued looking at the moon. Louis laid down next to Harry also staring out the window and at the moon. 

“Glad you asked” Louis began with a huge grin on his face then proceeded to go off on a tangent about how he didn’t believe the US were the first people on the moon and how they had faked it. Then proceeded to explain that humans couldn’t be the only people in the universe and then he began to explain parallel universes and how that would be a possibility. 

Harry couldn't help but smile as he listened to Louis go on and on about conspiracies explaining them in detail. Harry wasn’t really interested in the stuff but hearing Louis get excited over it made him want to hear more. And there were multiple times where Louis would stop speaking and apologize over rambling and how Harry probably didn’t want to hear about it, but Harry would just assure him he did care and wanted to hear more. It definitely was worth saying after seeing the smile on Louis face each time Harry reassured him. 

Louis talks about the Mandela effect and parallel universes was cut short when the front door was opened and people were whispering. 

“Lou? Bubba where are you?” Niall yelled as he walked right passed Louis room and to the kitchen 

“I’ll be right back” Louis said as he got off the bed and towards the door leaving Harry alone on his bed. 

“Niall I’m here” he said as he entered the kitchen area and Niall jumped on him giving him a big hug almost taking him to the ground 

“You should of came with us” he said pouting “next time I promise” Louis said and he just nodded 

“Zayn you have fun?” Louis asked as Zayn sat on the couch completely out of it and louis got a thumbs up

“Any of you need anything?” Louis asked as he watched Niall devour his food and Zayn eyes fluttering closed 

Louis took that as a no and he took the milkshakes and before he could even leave Niall asked “do you have someone over?” 

And Louis looked at them confused as to how they’d known. 

“Shoes and jacket at the door” Zayn mumbled from the couch 

“Who is he?” Niall asked with a frown “a friend” 

“Louis if it’s that asshole Nick i will fucking murder him” Zayn said all of a sudden more awake yelling the murder part making sure who ever was in the room heard 

“Jesus no it’s not him and can we not threaten people? It’s just a friend nothing more” Louis said and Zayn slouched back down into the couch 

“Just a friend?” Niall asked and he nodded “you never being boys home, I want to meet him” he said with a pout “sorry mom but that’s not happening” Louis joked 

“You and your friend gonna have sex?” Niall asked with a laugh and Louis just sighed “no I don’t have sex with friends” 

“Nor do you bring boys home” Zayn stated 

“I’m leaving now and I’ll speak to you both when sober” Louis said turning a heel and walking towards his bedroom. 

“To the boy in Louis bedroom I hope you give my bubba a blow job he deserves one” Niall yelled across the flat and Louis eyes widened horrified that Niall had just said that. He could head Niall and Zayn laughing as he went into his bedroom to find a laughing Harry.

“You’re making it really hard not to pour these milkshakes all over you” Louis said annoyed as he handed the strawberry one to Harry 

“I’m honered though, that your friends want to not only murder me but also give you a blowjob” he said while snickering 

“They don’t want to murder you, they thought you were someone else” Louis said sitting down on the bed 

“Who did they think I was?” 

“Someone else” Louis said not wanting to talk about it 

“Why you not tired?” Harry asked looking at the time. How was it already 3am he asked himself

“I’m in uni, I'm used to all-nighters, what’s your excuse?” 

“My brain is still in Jamaica, also known as jet lag” he said and Louis nodded “when do you leave for LA?” 

“My taxi is supposed to pick me up from my house in 4 hours” Harry stated as if it was common knowledge 

“Why aren’t you asleep or packing?” Louis asked shocked 

“I’m jet lagged and I’ve already packed” 

Louis raised his brows and asked “so you’re planning on waiting for your taxi here in my bed?” 

“No no, I’m sorry I should leave” Harry said as he began to get up but Louis pushed him back down on the bed 

“I was joking, lighten up and I’ll wait it out with you” he simply said 

“You don’t have work or anything?” Harry asked and Louis shook his head no with a smile playing on his face.

“How long you in LA for?”‘Louis asked hoping to himself that it wouldn’t be too long 

“Till Wednesday” Harry said and Louis raised his brows “so you’re flying across the world just to be there for 3 days?” He asked and Harry nodded simply saying “it’s work” 

“You’re single handedly ruining the climate” Louis joked and Harry chuckled.

~ 

Louis jolted awake when he heard the alarm going off, he was laying on his back, no covers on and hands on his stomach while next him Harry was on his front and faces squished into the pillow. 

He looked around for the phone to realize it was in Harry’s back pocket and he wasn’t going near there. So he gently shook Harry awake and Harry got startled getting on his hands and knees like a dog and looking around the room. 

“Turn it off” Louis mumbled, still refusing to open his eyes so he wouldn’t lose his sleep. 

Harry just pulled out his phone turning off the alarm before shoving his face back into the pillow. 

“When did we fall asleep?” Harry asked, his voice deep and horse. Louis smiled to himself, noting that he very much enjoyed Harry's morning voice. 

“Don’t know” Louis said 

He remembers finishing their milkshakes and talking about how Harry met Liam and then the alarm was waking him up. 

“I should get going, I can let myself out” Harry said as began to climb over Louis and it wasn’t until Harry had accidentally pressed his knee into Louis thigh that Louis groaned in pain quickly sitting up just to be met with Harry’s head and falling back onto the pillow. 

Harry tried his best to quickly remove his knee from Louis thigh and being head butted didn’t really help causing him to fall off of Louis bed with a loud ‘oomh’ leaving his mouth. 

“I’m sorry” Harry said as he propped himself up on his elbows looking at Louis “S’ okay’ he said as he groaned rubbing his forehead and looking at Harry down on the floor. 

“I’ll walk you out, now that I’m up” Louis said as he slung his feet over the bed and stepped over Harry who was still on the floor. 

“Sorry I can be a bit clumsy sometimes” Harry said as he got up from the floor. 

The elevator ride down was quiet and Louis leaned his head on the wall with closed eyes and Harry just smiled as he watched a tired Louis. 

“Thank you for having me” Harry said as they got to the door “no problem I enjoyed having you over and hearing about your naive analysis of crime and punishment” Louis joked and Harry just rolled his eyes 

“I’m not naive” he said while huffing and Louis just nodded with a smile that just said ‘sure you’re not’ 

“Anyways I was wondering if maybe after I get back from LA we could hang out again?” Harry asked rubbing the back of his neck as he fumbled to find the right words 

“Yea of course” Louis said with a shrug they always hung out so why was Harry all of a sudden nervous 

“No I mean like maybe a date?” And louis eyes widened at Harry’s words 

“Harry if this is because of what I said about you feeling guilty about standing me up and all that, then you really don’t have to” Louis said 

“No it’s not about that, I want to take you on a date” Harry said “i still feel guilty but it’s now why I’m asking” he added 

“But why?” Louis asked confused 

“Because you’re funny-“ “I know” Louis said cutting Harry off causing Harry to laugh “and you’re kind, smart and i'd really really like to take you on a date” Harry said “and you’re really beautiful” he added 

He saw the confused and shocked look on Louis' face as if Harry was telling him lies, but it was only the truth. Louis was the most beautiful person he had laid eyes on and was confused why he didn’t seem to see that himself. Harry was still confused why Louis had even looked at him twice in the cafe, let alone given him his number. 

“Think about it, you don’t have to say anything now. We can talk when I get back” Harry said and Louis just nodded.

Harry pulled him into a quick hug and placed a soft kiss on Louis cheek before pulling back. 

“Have a safe flight” Louis said and Harry thanked him and said he’d text before leaving Louis alone at the door and walking to his car. 

Louis returned to the flat and went into the living room to see Zayn asleep on the couch, last night's McDonald’s all spread over the dining table. He’d have to take care of that later on, right now he just wanted to sleep. 

“Zayn wake up” he said waking Zayn up “everything alright?” He asked sitting up and Louis nodded “Yea let’s go cuddle Niall” he said taking Zayn's hand and he just followed along. 

After entering Niall's room Louis getting in from his right and Zayn on his left, both wrapping their arms around Niall and snuggling closer to him. 

~

“Lou and zayn I got you pancakes” Niall softly said as he woke both boys up from their sleep. Louis rubbed the sleep out from his eyes as he sat up in Nialls bed and Zayn followed suit. 

“Thank you” Zayn said as he took one of the plates and placed it on his lap. “You even cut it up” Louis said with a smile as he looked at the plate 

“Anything for my boys” Niall said as he sat down in between the boys on the bed. 

“So Louis your friend last night, loud laugh” Niall said as he took a bite from Louis food and Louis gladly fed him. 

“You guys could hear?” He asked with a chuckle and Zayn nodded 

“He does have a loud laugh” Louis admitted “is he loud in bed?” Niall asked not missing a beat 

“Niall shut your dirty mouth” Louis said shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth 

“So you’re saying you brought a guy over and didn’t do anything?” Zayn asked “exactly what I’m saying, he’s my friend, kinda” he said confused at where exactly they stood

“What do you mean by kinda?” Zayn asked looking over to Louis 

“He asked me on a date this morning when he was leaving” Louis said finally taking his first bite of his pancakes “and you said?” Zayn asked shocked “that I’d think about it, he’s going on a work trip so I’d talk to him when he gets back” Louis said with a shrug 

“Wait is it that Harry guy?” Niall asked perking up and Louis just nodded and shoved another forkful of pancakes into Niall's mouth. 

Louis knew he could always get away with not eating a lot if he fed Niall his food and talked a lot bringing the attention from his plate. Waving the fork around a lot and moving his hands, it was an old trick but it always worked, Niall and Zayn were too oblivious to even notice his tricks.

“Louis do you have a crush” Zayn asked with a grin “it’s not a crush, he’s easy to talk to and we have fun and he’s nice that's all and he has a pretty face” Louis admitted 

“You know what Zayn?” Niall asked “what?” 

“To me that kinda sounds like a crush” he then said “you know what Niall it kinda does sound like a crush to me too” Zayn said completely ignoring Louis groans 

“It’s not a crush” Louis said “sure babes” Niall said nudging Louis in the ribs 

“I hate you both” Louis mumbled as he took the remote controller to Nialls tv turning it on to change the subject from him to what they would watch. 

It wasn’t a crush, right? It couldn’t be one, it would never end well, it never does. Did Harry have a crush on him? Why would he ask him out on a date If he didn’t have a crush or at least like him a bit. But why would Harry like him, there was nothing special about him and Harry looked like an absolute goddess, why would he find any bit of Louis attractive? From his hair, to his crooked smile, his pudgy stomach and thighs. Who would want him? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would really love to hear feedback hope you enjoyed reading!! <33


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this one its one of my favourite chapters so far! Let me know your thoughts.

**Reserved chapter 5**

_Lead me out on the moonlit floor_

_Lift your open hand_

_Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance_

_Silvermoon's sparkling_

_So kiss me_

Kiss me - Sixpence None The Ritcher

Louis had finally agreed to go on a date with Harry, after some persuasion from Zayn and Niall. They insisted that Louis should go on the date, just to see if he liked Harry in that sense. But also since it had been ages since he went on a date or even had a casual hook up.

Louis had texted Harry that if they were going to go on a date then it had to be creative and not formal and Harry was up to the task. During his stay in LA him and Louis would constantly text it was hard due to the time difference, but it was worth it, getting read about Louis’ day and his annoying professors and roommates. Harry had yet to tell Liam that he was still hanging out with Louis, let alone going on a date with him. He hadn’t told Gemma either, just because he had no idea what he’d tell her

Louis had told Harry to text him when he was outside and left specific orders not to come up because obviously Zayn and Niall would grill him and Louis wasn’t really up for it. 

Harry had told Louis to dress casually and comfortable so that was exactly what he did. He had a light blue hoodie that was a couple sizes too big and gave him sweater paws and a pair of black loose fitting jeans. And lastly his favorite pair of worn down old school vans. He didn’t do much to his hair, just ran his fingers through and swept it to the side. 

“Oh Tommo give me a twirl” Zayn said as he saw Louis walk over to the couch where him and Niall were playing fifa. And Louis did just that and the boys wolfwisseled at him. 

“Lou you look great, when is he getting here?” Niall asked “he’s down stairs actually, you’re not getting to meet him. I just need to know how I feel about him first without the added pressure of you guys. Okay? It’s nothing to do with you both” Louis explained and they just nodded 

“We just worry about you thats all” Zayn said and Louis smiled because he knew his friends worried and wanted what’s best for him “this isn’t a Nick 2.0” he reassured them 

“How can you be sure?” Niall asked 

“Because Harry wouldn’t even hurt a fly and he’s nice and I’ve learned from my mistakes, I know all the red flags and it doesn’t feel like it did with Nick, this is different” Louis said looking at his two worried friends 

“Seems like you already know how you feel about him” Zayn mumbled and Louis rolled his eyes before giving them both a hug and leaving the flat. 

When he got down he was met with Harry by the door holding a bouquet of sunflowers. “For me?” Louis asked with a smile and Harry just nodded handing them over. “How are you?” Harry asked giving Louis a big hug 

“I’m fine thank you, what about you?” Louis asked returning the hug 

“I’m good, glad to be back and glad you said yes” he said with a big smile 

He took Louis' hand in his as they turned the corner to Harry’s car. They stopped dead in their tracks after hearing someone yell “he got you flowers?” 

Harry and Louis looked to the building to see Niall and Zayn looking out the living room window. 

“Fuck off you Irish bastard” Louis yelled back and Harry said “naughty list” 

“Sorry Lou, I told him not to but hey you must be Harry can’t really see from up here but I’m sure you’re as attractive as Louis says you are” Zayn yelled down and Louis blushed and was extremely embarrassed over his friends. 

“Zayn you better lock your bedroom door tonight, you too Irish” Louis said before tugging on Harry’s arm so he’d unlock the car door 

“Sorry about them” Louis said as he did his seatbelt 

“They seem fun” Harry said with a smile, “So you find me attractive?” Harry asked smile growing wider 

“They just wanted to embarrass me” Louis said as he rolled his eyes and Harry just said oh and nodded.

Of course Louis wouldn’t think he was good looking, why would he even think that? Louis was a walking goddess with a chiseled jawline and prominent cheekbones. The prettiest smile and the bluest eyes Harry had ever seen, of course he didn’t find him attractive. Harry was too tall for his own good, had knock knees, a nose too big for his face and a wonky smile. It didn’t match up.

Louis saw how harry's smile dropped but he felt too awkward to say anything and how does one tell another they’re the most beautiful person they’ve ever laid eyes on without making it awkward? It’s not possible, so Louis reached his hand over taking Harrys in his and just like that the smile was back on Harry’s face.

On the drive to the mystery location Harry was playing the playlist Louis had made for him and other than that it was silent but it was nice. Harry held Louis' hands the whole drive there as their hands rested on his thigh. It was comforting to Harry knowing Louis was right there beside him. 

Harry pulled over to the side of the road and Louis was confused as to why they’d be doing out here. “Are you going to kill me?” Louis joked and Harry just shook his head “I need you to put a blindfold on” Harry said “I feel like we need at least 5 more dates before we reach that stage” Louis said still confused “no not like that, what I’m about to show you is a surprise” Harry said with a smile “do you trust me?” He asked Louis took a deep breath before nodding “give it to me then” he said referring to the blindfold 

After being blindfolded and Harry double and triple checking that he couldn’t see Harry began driving again. It wasn’t a long drive, it wasn’t longer than 3 minutes and Louis was grateful. After Harry helped Louis out of the car and guided him up some stairs and then he heard keys and a door opening. 

“Did you take me to your house?” Louis asked “that’s not very creative” he said as he was lead further into the house 

There were a few steps down and Louis was standing in a room that was a bit chilly. He could no longer feel Harry by his side, he could hear shuffling and what sounded like a lighter maybe? 

“Harry” he whined, wanting to take the blindfold off “you’re so impatient, just one more minute” he said as his voice was now on the other side of the room. 

“Okay done” Harry now said from behind him “shit you fucking scared me” Louis said with his hand over his heart 

“Naughty list” Harry whined “I’m going to take the blindfold off now” he said as he slowly removed it from Louis’ eyes and hands falling down to his shoulders.

It was an indoor patio glass window from top to bottom, the ceiling also made out of glass as the stars shine down on them and the moon was brighter than Louis had remembered. You could see out to Harry's garden and Louis knew Harry was rich, just not this rich. Mansion type of rich. Inside the indoor patio was a big L shaped couch, a coffee table in front of it and a fire pit that wasn’t lit. There were these big green leafy plants in each corner of the room almost making it look like a jungle. The whole room was carpeted but in the middle was a bunch of blankets and a different array of foods and snacks. On the coffee table and other spots around the room were a couple of candles that lit up the room. 

“This is so adorable Harry” Louis said as smile overtook his face “well I did promise you a picnic so why not an indoor outdoor one” Harry stated with a childlike grin 

“You have a pretty house” Louis said as he took off his shoes and walked over to the little set up Harry had made 

“Thank you, I’m not here as often as i'd hope to be” Harry admitted “this is my favorite room though, or it’s between this and my bathroom here I can light a fire read a book or watch the stars but in my bathroom there’s the bathtub and taking baths is my favorite activity” Harry said as they both sat down criss cross style facing each mother 

“I’m more of a shower kind of guy” Louis said “what how? Baths are far superior than showers” Harry said almost offended at what Louis had said 

“Depends on the mood really but showers are easier and less wasteful” Louis said and Harry nodded in defeat 

Louis looked at the chocolate dipped strawberries in front of him and asked “you make these?” And Harry smiled while nodding “yeah it was fun actually and I did some baking” he said pointing to the muffins also in front of them. 

“I don’t really like chocolate” Louis admitted and Harry was gobsmacked “That was really painful to hear, how can you not like chocolate?” He asked confused 

“I like chocolate milk and milkshakes but otherwise it’s not for me” and Harry just pouted childlike almost 

“You’re such a kid, not surprised that you still believe in Santa” Louis said while chuckling and Harry faked being shocked “Santa’s not real?” He asked eyes wide and Louis shrugged with a grin saying “hate to break it ya, kid” 

“When did you stop believing in Santa?” Harry asked and Louis had to think about it because he just always kind of knew. 

“I’m not sure I don’t really remember believing in him, must of been really young around 4 maybe” Louis said not really remembering 

“Why do you always have to be so reasonable?” Harry asked with a pout 

“Let me guess you were 16 when you found out he wasn’t real” Louis guessed and Harry blushed saying “13”

Louis couldn’t hold his laughter in and Harry just looked very grumpy as Louis was laughing and holding his stomach. “I’m sorry” Louis said in between fits of laughter. 

“It’s not a laughing matter, I was devastated” he said shyly with a pout 

“Who told you?” Louis asked after he stopped laughing “absolutely no one, figured it out on my own, it was early hours of Christmas Day and I went down because I heard something and I peek into the living room and then there I see my mum eating the cookies I had made and left out for Santa and my stepdad putting all the presents under the tree, I was so disappointed” Harry said looking sad just by remembering it 

“What did you tell your mum?” Louis asked while snickering 

“Nothing, the thing is I think a part of me knew it was fake but I didn’t want to believe it or listen to that part, I just wanted to believe in the magic of it” he said “that’s actually adorable if I’m being honest and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to believe in the magic. Even without Santa being real I think Christmas can still be a magical time” Louis said and Harry nodded in agreement 

“So I’m guessing you enjoy Christmas?” 

Louis let out a huff and said “not really” and Harry gasped 

“Louis you’re making it so hard for me, you’re going against everything I believe in, baths, chocolate and now Christmas” Harry said not amused one bit 

Louis let out a small breathy laugh “it’s just that my birthday is so close to Christmas and that I never get to really celebrate them separately” he explained 

“When is your birthday?” 

“Christmas Eve” he said with a tight lipped smile 

“Aha I see the problem, it all meshes into one?” Harry asked and Louis nodded

“So what’s your obsession with the naughty list if you’re aware that Santa isn’t real?” 

“I don’t really like swearing that much and it was a trick I used when I did think Santa was real and now it’s just a habit almost. And to remind people not to swear” he said 

“Does it bother you that I swear?” He asked before adding “a lot” 

“It’s whatever really, I don’t mind it that much but the naughty list, is kind of one of those things that I don’t even notice when I say it” 

Louis nodded, understanding and a bit amused by Harrys childish ways “so you never swear?” 

“Only when I’m really angry” he explained 

“Ooh do tell”

And then Harry continued to tell him about the very few times he’s sworn out of anger and most of them were fights he had with his sister Gemma. They discussed it for a while before Louis told Harry he had a confession. 

“I do actually find you really attractive, don’t know it just felt awkward saying it earlier in the car” Louis said as his cheeks flushed pink and was too afraid to meet harry's gaze 

“You do?” He asked brows knitted in utter confused 

“Have you seen yourself Harry?” Louis asked in shock “Have you seen yourself?” He shot back and Louis face dropped and he mumbled “sadly”

“Hey ,hey no self deprecating jokes, you’re extremely beautiful Louis, I was confused to why you’d even talk to me let alone go on a date with me” he said simply and Louis was even more confused now 

“I was extremely confused why you asked me out, you’re a fucking goddess- naughty list I know, but you are breathtaking and I’m just me” 

“Don’t say it like that, like being you isn’t enough” Harry said with a stern look “I also have a confession” Harry said after a couple moments of silence 

“I have a big crush on you Louis” he said blushing and not even looking at Louis 

“You don’t have to say that” Louis said cringing a bit at Harry’s words 

“It’s the truth Lou, I have a big fat school boy crush on you, like the one where you couldn’t pass a ball straight and I think you’re hotter than 2005 Beckham” Harry said smiling as he built up the courage to look Louis in the eye 

“No one is hotter than Beckham 2005” Louis said and Harry let out an embarrassing laugh 

“Let’s just lay down and look at the stars” Harry said as he moved the food and put it to the side. 

Soon they were both on their backs staring up at the glad ceiling. 

“First date and you’ve already got me on my back” Louis joked and Harry giggled tugging at Louis’ heartstrings.

“Tell me something about you that I don’t already know” Harry said and Louis had to think “I can’t go to sleep without a cup of tea” Louis said 

“That’s actually adorable” Harry said 

“Yea it’s always been me and my mums thing, she’d work these really long shifts and then have to come take care of me and my siblings so most nights I’d help her fold laundry or do other stuff while we each had a cup of tea and talk about our day, it just became a routine” Louis said and Harry just stared at him fondly 

“Do you miss it?” He asks “Yea I’m really close with my mum, a bit of a mommas boy If you must, I call her almost every day just to check in” Louis says with a sad smile 

“Why do you look so sad?” Harry asked puzzled, it was a good thing that they talked, right?

“I’m not sad” Louis says plastering on a fake smile and Harry can see right through it. 

“You want to know one of my hidden talents?” Harry asks and Louis nodded 

“I can spot a fake smile from a mile away” he says softly trying to not upset Louis and Louis just scoffs because that’s the biggest piece of bull he’s heard in a while 

“Sure you can” he says unamused “I can see you’re not happy Lou” 

“you don’t know anything so shut it” he warned and Harry sighed dropping the subject 

“Is the moon always this bright?” Louis asks and Harry was a bit relieved that he wasn’t angry at him “it looks a bit brighter than usual” he said looking up as his hands laid flatly on his stomach. 

“Very jealous that you get to lay here everyday, and watch all of this. This room is the perfect study area” Louis admitted and he could see himself sitting by the coffee table working on an assignment or laying on the couch reading a book. 

“It’s 10 times better when it’s raining” Harry says smiling as he looked over to Louis “and maybe you could come over and study if you’d like and I could cook you dinner maybe or bake while you’re studying” Harry suggests and the thought of having him around while he was studying made it sound even more appealing 

“Yea maybe” Louis said, hiding his own smile because he’d really really like that. 

“You know Harold, I’m a bit surprised that you haven’t hit me with a deep philosophical question yet” Louis admits looking over to Harry “really? You want one now?” He asks and Louis nodded while biting his bottom lip holding back a smile 

“Okay if you could go back a year from now and tell yourself one thing, with all the knowledge you have today?” Harry asked and Louis didn’t hesitate once before saying “leave, I would tell myself to leave” 

“Leave what?” Harry asked curious as he flipped over to his side with his arm propping him up 

“My boyfriend” Louis says barely above a whisper, his voice so small and unsure “you want to talk about it?”

Louis shakes his head no because it would not only bring down the mood but because he wasn’t ready yet. “What would you tell yourself?” He asked and Harry’s face went from serious to a playful grin saying “go to ‘BeachWood cafe” 

And Louis giggled giving Harry a light shove saying “you cheeky sod” and Harry joined in on his laughter 

“It’s the truth”he said as he hung his head lower while laughing

“Okay I have one” Louis says with a grin “what is one regret you have and would you take it back?” 

“There was this lie I told and it’s one of my biggest regrets and yes I would take it back” Harry said referring to lying about his whole identity “want to share?” Louis curiously asked and Harry said a simple no before telling him it was his turn 

“It was this one thing that kinda ruined a lot of stuff and a part of me would take it back but at the same time I wouldn’t because I learned from it” Louis says being as vague as he possibly can 

“That was extremely vague” Harry stated and Louis chuckled saying “it’s all you’re gonna get for now”

“Okay I’m ready for another deep philosophical question” Louis says as he stops laughing but his eyes remaining shut

“If you could wish for three things in the whole entire world, what would it be? And let’s just say there’s no world hunger, poverty and there’s world peace in this scenario” Harry asks and Louis raises his eyebrows “what is this? Aladdin?” Louis asks while chuckling “and you can’t wish for more wishes” Harry added 

“Alright number one would be being able to teleport, number two for my mum and all my siblings to be happy and number three to be able to be a full time writer” Louis said simply because most of his wishes were simple 

“Those were good ones, I’d say being invisible would be my first wish, second would be like yours wishing my mum and family to be happy and third I’d say a kiss from you” Harry said with a cheeky smile 

“You fucking cheeky bastard, you had that answer planned before you even asked didn’t you” Louis siad as he burst out in a fit of giggles 

“You caught me there” Harry said joining him in his laughter 

Louis says in between giggles “You’re a big flirt you” and Harry just smiles shrugging 

Afte Louis stops giggling he looks over to Harry that’s propped up on his side who had the biggest grin on his face staring back at him fondly. “Maybe I could make one of your wishes come true” Louis says shyly his cheeks flushing red 

“Which one” Harry asks with a smug smile as he inches a bit closer to Louis “invisibility one, I have magic powers” Louis says as Harry continues to move closer to Louis 

He can’t help but put his hand in Louis' hair as he hovered over him with a smile on his face as Louis layed there blushing and waiting for Harry to get closer to him. Harry’s hand slipping from his hair to cradle Louis' face and it was a soft touch, his hand barely there but he could still feel the heat. And it was almost as if Louis could feel the sparks Harry’s fingers were leaving on his skin.

“Can I?” Harry asked his thumb softly, brushing Louis bottom lip and Louis nodded. He could see harry's gaze flicking between his eyes and lips, but Louis couldn’t tear his eyes away from Harrys. They were this deep forest green with speckles of gold in around his pupils. And Louis could see the kindness in his eyes and he really couldn’t look away.

His breath hitches when he can feel Harry's warm breath on his lips and an amused smile played on Harry’s face. He inched further down closer to Louis' lips, his own ghosting over Louis’. Louis really wanted Harry's lips against his, so he took his hand and placed it at the nape of Harry’s neck, softly playing with his hair. 

Harry smirked knowing that Louis wanted the kiss just as much as he did, so he finally connected their lips. At first it’s a soft touch, their lips barely touching until Louis pulls Harry a bit closer with the hand on his neck and the other now on his chest. Harry moves back an inch whispering to Louis “you’re so beautiful” and this time Louis doesn’t fight it or argue afraid of what would happen if he moved the slightest 

Then Harry’s lips were back on his and it was so soft and gentle, like he was afraid he’d break Louis. And all of a sudden Louis can’t feel anything else but harry's lips on his. It was warm and it was confusing because Louis always had cold hands and feet but all of a sudden his whole body felt warm. All the anxiety and nerves that were weighing him down all gone and Louis doesn’t remember the last time he felt this weightless. 

Harry pushes his lips onto Louis’ again and Louis can’t even remember the last time he’d been kissed like this, gently. It wasn’t rough and it wasn’t forced or needy, it was tender and sweet, and Harry’s plump lips felt so soft against his. 

Harry pulled away resting his forehead on Louis’ looking down at Louis who had his eyes still closed. “I liked that” Harry whispered, causing Louis to blush even more than he already was.

“Okay I’m ready for another question” Louis said as he removed his hands from Harry’ body. 

“What song can always make you cry?” Harry asked as he laid down next to Louis again 

“Hurt by Johnny Cash, I always cry to it no matter what, what about you?”

“That’s a good one, real sad too. Mine would be Wake me up when September ends by Green Day” Harry said 

“Didn’t take you as a Green Day fan” Louis said while looking up at the sky 

“M’ not really a fan, I enjoy some of their songs that’s all” Harry said 

“How can you not be a Green Day fan, that’s a bit offensive really” Louis says while faking an angry look “should I tell you something you’re most liking going to get upset about?” Louis asked and Harry’s eyes narrowed a bit before nodding 

“I’ve never watched titanic” he said softly and Harry was sitting up within a matter of seconds and a shocked look on his face 

“That’s pretty much criminal and you said you hated it when we were at your house” Harry stated still confused at how he’s never seen the movie and hate it

“It’s a boring romance movie, i know the plot of it and it’s not for me” Louis says practically unbothered 

“What other movies have you not watched?” Harry asks bitterly almost and Louis giggled covering his mouth with his sweater paws 

“Casablanca, I feel like everyone always talks about that one. The Godfather, never watched it because it seems extremely boring. Wall-e because why the fuck would i watch that? Pulp fiction and Forest Gump because no. And the list goes on to be honest” he says as he looked over to Harry who had his mouth wide open 

“Louis, that is criminal” Harry whined “you know what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna make me a list of every classic movie you haven’t watched, because you’re uncultured, and then we’ll watch them together” Harry says and Louis just giggles nodding. 

“Got you all riled up didn’t I?” Louis said smile not leaving his face and Harry rolled his eyes at Louis

“We’re gonna watch all of them” Harry said laying back down “sure we are” Louis mumbled 

  
  


“Are you a horoscope kind of guy?” Louis asked as he watched the stars above them “no are you?” 

“Somewhat, what's your star sign?” Louis asks and “I’m Aquarius and you’re Capricorn right?” Harry asked and Louis nodded 

“Of course you're Aquarius” Louis said with a huff “heyy” Harry said dragging the word out “what’s wrong with that?” 

“Nothing it just suits your personality” Louis said as he turned to face Harry “you need to elaborate on that” he said 

“It’s just when you look up the traits of an Aquarius you get stuff like easy going, intelligent, someone who isn’t afraid to think outside of the box and a visionary and throw a hint of overly idealistic. And when you combine them you get you” Louis says simply and Harry pouts confused at Louis’ words “how am I overly idealistic?” He asks with a huff

“Just the way you view certain stuff” Louis murmurs with a shrug of his shoulders 

“You’re talkings about the way I view love, why do you hate love so much?” Harry asks the words stern but his voice still soft 

“I don’t think our signs are compatible” Louis says changing the subject “well that sucks considering I have a big crush on you” Harry says causing Louis to giggle a bit and it’s the first time Louis doesn’t throw back a snarky remark or looks confused. 

“And i don’t hate love” Louis says after a minute of silence and even he knew that his words were not believable “who are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Harry asks his hand, finding its way to Louis' hair softly running through it the pads of his finger softly massaging Louis' scalp. 

“I’ve never been given a reason to believe in love” he says quietly closing his eyes while leaning into Harry’s touch. 

And hearing Louis words brought a frown to his face because he knew Louis had been hurt before but he never knew it had been so bad that he stopped believing in love. Harry wanted to be the person who gave Louis hope and a reason to believe in love. Because there were so many good things about being loved unconditionally, feeling safe, feeling taken care of, feeling like you could do whatever and not be judged, lust, having that feeling in your chest knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, lust, feeling happiness. 

“Okay no more pouting, it’s not that sad it’s just life” Louis says before getting off the floor and standing up “get up” he said to Harry who was still on the floor looking up at him in confusion 

“Where are we going?” He asks standing up and taking Louis hand in his 

“Do you have a football?” Louis asked with a big smile and Harry nodded 

“Okay go get it and will meet you outside” Louis says eagerly before grabbing his shoes and putting them on and running out into the garden. 

Harry smiles to himself as he watched Louis running outside and he couldn’t help but wonder, how has no one ever loved this man? 

Louis tries to teach Harry some different flicks and tricks, key word being tries. Harry’s legs are just too long for his own good and he’s too uncoordinated to get any of them right, constantly getting tangled up in his own feet and falling flat on his face. Louis didn’t do much to help him when he did fall, just laughed until he couldn’t breathe and was clutching his sides. Harry would fake a pout and cross his arms over his chest but in reality he didn’t really mind because he hadn’t seen Louis laugh like this before, it looked genuine and this was something Harry wanted to take a picture of and frame then store it forever. It was something about the way his eyes shut and the crinkle by his eyes that made Harry believe it was a genuine laugh.

After playing around for a bit Louis laid down on the grass exhausted, it was somewhat a mix of not eating all day and not working out enough. Harry was quick to lay down next to Louis on the grass.

“You look tired” Harry said as he hooked their ankles 

“Yea I kinda am” Louis said moving so he’d be closer to Harry. Louis always got snuggly when he got tired and always goin

“I think it’s time to get you home” Harry breathes and he’s quite disappointed that the night has to come to an end but Louis was practically falling asleep on grass. Louis just hummed at Harry’s statement and nodded. 

“Okay babe time to get up” Harry said standing up and holding his hands out for Louis 

Louis lips quirked up into a smug grin “babe?” 

“Shut up” Harry says, looking away from Louis and Louis thinks this must be the first time he’s seeing Harry blush and he would mind seeing it again.

“You’re cute when you blush” Louis says as he gets up ignoring Harry’s hands 

“I’m always cute” 

Louis just ignores Harry’s comment and follows him back into the house.

The car ride back to Louis’ flat was quiet, music softly playing in the background as Louis leaned his head against the car window. He could feel the panic rising in his chest because the car was extremely quiet but also the fact that he most definitely likes Harry. It never ends good and Louis doesn’t think he can take another heartbreak, because he has nothing left to give. And why was this car so god damn quiet? 

Louis is this shell of a man who has been broken down so many times and he’s so empty. And it wasn’t just the lack of food in his stomach. He had bared his soul once and he couldn’t do it again and he couldn’t get broken, he didn’t think it was possible. He thinks he might just give up completely if his heart gets broken again.

He has absolutely nothing to offer.

Harry insists on following Louis up to the flat carrying the sunflowers he had gotten him and a container of chocolate covered strawberries for Niall and Zayn. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” Harry asked as they stopped outside the flat door. Louis nodded saying “yes I did actually, thank you for tonight” 

Hearing that just made Harry smile wider than before wrapping Louis into a hug. The hug didn’t last long because Harry felt how Louis' whole body tensed up under his touch. 

“I had fun tonight too, maybe we could do it again?” Harry asked and Louis gave him a halfhearted nod. Harry was confused at why Louis was all of a sudden acting cold towards him but he tried his best not to show it. 

“Goodnight” Louis said as he gave Harry a peck on the cheek and he was hoping Louis wouldn’t feel how warm his cheeks were 

“Goodnight” he said as he handed over the flowers and container. 

Louis didn’t want to watch Harry walk towards the lift, he hastily unlocked the door and took off his shoes before walking to the living room where he could hear voices. “Mum, dad, I'm home” Louis said to get the boy's attention. 

Niall put his hand over his chest and have a big smile “look, my beautiful wife, our son is home from his date” Niall said “why am I the mum?” Zayn objected “because I’m daddy” Niall said as if it was common information “don’t ever call yourself that ever again” Louis said as he sat down in between the boys. 

“Okay but really how did it go?” Niall asked eagerly waiting for an answer “it was good” he said giving a very vague and short answer “then why do you look so sad?” Zayn asks wrapping his arm around Louis’ shoulder 

“I like him” Louis whispered 

“Why is that a bad thing?” Niall asked confused “I can’t have the same thing with nick happen again” Louis whispered again looking down at his lap

“Harry seems really nice you know, I don’t think he’s like nick” Niall said and Louis didn’t even know he was crying until Zayn was wiping away his tears.

“I’m scared” 

“That's alright love, it’s okay to be scared” Zayn says while squeezing Louis shoulder “Bubba before you left you said it wasn’t Nick 2.0” Naill says shyly trying to not upset Louis even more 

“That was before I realized how much I liked him” Louis mumbled 

“Where did he take you?” Zayn asked hand not leaving Louis shoulder once 

“His house” Louis says and he could feel Zayns hand on his shoulder go tense “not like that, he made an indoor picnic for us, ate some stuff he made, we talked, played football in his garden and we kissed” 

“What?” they both asked eyes wider than before 

“Yea he even packed you guys some chocolate covered strawberries” Louis says pointing over to the dining table knowing that’s not what they wanted to know 

“We’ll talk about the strawberries later let’s discuss the kiss” Niall said and it was never like Niall to turn down food

“He didn’t like, force himself on you or anything?” Zayn asked cautiously “no no, it was the complete opposite, he was so kind and he asked permission, it was really soft and gentle. No one has ever kissed me like that” Louis admitted 

“Then why are you so scared” Zayn asks his voice softer than usual 

“Because what happens when he realizes how messed up I am and leaves me?” His voice sounding more worried than before 

“You’re not messed up” niall says sternly 

“And if he breaks your heart I’ll break every bone in his body even his dick” Zayn was the furthest thing from intimidating but it made Louis laugh so he counted it as a win. 

“One day at a time” Niall said and Louis just nodded 

“Will you two cuddle me tonight?” Louis asked shyly and he didn’t even need to ask because it was always going to happen. But he did and the answer would always be yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to update im not even sure why i do have 3/4 chapters already written that just need a bit of editing but im so unsure if anoyone even enjoys this book so its not that motivating to write and edit but let me know what you think about it, it gives me so much motivation. Also there are some hints to what is coming and is anyone catching on to them?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter ive written with almost 10k words it has smut in it talks of sexual harassment and unwnted touches also domestic abuse so if youre uncomfortable with any of this i suggest you dont read it

**Reserved - chapter 6**

**Halloween**

_Don't give up on us, baby_

_Lord knows we've come this far_

_Can't we stay the way we are?_

_The angel and the dreamer_

_Who sometimes plays a fool_

_Don't give up on us, I know_

Don't give up on us - David Soul

It was the evening after Harry and Louis date, Louis knew he was giving Harry the cold shoulder and it wasn’t really fair on Harry. When Harry had gotten home he texted Louis that he had an amazing night and had gotten home safely. All he got back was a thumbs up and a me2. 

Harry was just so confused at what he had done wrong, was it because of the kiss? Had he moved too fast? Did he come on too strong? All the thoughts spinning in Harry’s head and all he wanted to know was what he had done wrong. And how he could fix it. He really did like Louis and he really did want to make it work. A part of him was thinking maybe it was for the better because then he wouldn’t have to come clean about who he really was. 

Earlier in the day he had texted both Liam and Gemma getting an earful from both of them about how he was an idiot for lying and so on. But it was easy to ignore when Louis was all he could think about. And that’s why he was sitting in his car parked outside the coffee shop Louis works in building the courage to go inside. After a good half an hour in his car he decided to get out and go into the cafe, because what did he have to lose?

He wasn’t even sure if Louis was working today but he usually did work on Monday evenings so when he entered the coffee shop, it was pretty empty and there was a table with a laptop and a couple of books and he knew that it was Louis’. 

“Hello and welcome to beachwo- Harry?” Louis asked as he came from the kitchen obviously not expecting to see him here. Harry was quick to notice how red and swollen Louis' eyes were and how puffy his cheeks were, almost as if he’d been crying.

“Hey” he said awkwardly, not moving from the spot he was standing in “how are you?”

“I’m fine thank you, what about you?” Louis asked with raised brows because why on earth was he here. He knew that Harry must have seen his swollen eyes so he did everything he could to not look at him. 

“I’m good, am I disturbing you?” He asks softly and Louis shakes his head no. “You wanna sit down and maybe we could talk” Harry says his voice even softer than before and Louis didn’t even know it was possible 

Sitting down at the table Louis was still too scared to look up at Harry but he could feel his eyes on him. “Did I do something wrong?” he asks 

And Louis' head snapped up and he could see the worry and sadness in his eyes and thinking he was the reason behind it made Louis’ heart ache even more. 

“No no you did nothing, I had a really great time last night” Louis says in hopes of reassuring Harry 

“Then why have you been ignoring me?” He asks 

“It’s just me and it’s just hard to explain and complicated and I really don’t want to drag you into my messed up life” he said softly, fidgeting with his fingers

“Can you try to explain?” 

“It’s just” Louis sighs “it’s just everyone leaves and I’m scared because I don’t want to get hurt” he explains 

“Are you scared that i'll hurt you?” Harry asked confused “No, I don’t know actually, it’s complicated and I’m not good at this, the talking and all of that” Louis says with a sigh and Harry was even more confused than he was before. 

“Can you try? Just say what comes to your mind and I’ll try to understand” Harry explains really trying because he did like Louis and he was not letting this go. 

“I like you” Louis blurted out because he was listening to Harry’s advice. Harry couldn’t hide the smile on his face “I like you too” he says 

“People don’t really tend to stay around, everyone leaves and I’m scared I’ll start really really liking you” Louis said 

“And then I’ll leave?” 

“It’s the way things are you know, you’ll realize how messed up I am and then you’ll want no part of it and then It’s just better if we stop before anyone’s feelings get hurt” Louis breathes and Harry’s seated across him shocked at what Louis had just said 

“No” was all he said to Louis “no?” Louis asked with raised brows 

“First of all I’m not gonna let you sit here and call yourself messed up because you’re not, I get that they may be stuff that has happened in your past, but I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to just end it” Harry said “I really like you Louis so I’m asking you to give it a chance because you’re too special to lose and I won’t leave you”

“You say that now, but what happens when you realize that I’m way too much to handle and you don’t want anything to do with me?” Louis asks 

“That won’t happen Louis” Harry said with a sigh because he knew Louis was too special to give up and he didn’t have any plans on breaking his heart 

“You can’t make a promise like that” Louis said annoyed at how much Harry was persisting “I know but I really want to proof it to you Lou”

“Harry” he sighed before getting up as pacing around the coffee shop 

“Life is not a fucking fairytale and it’s not easy and it’s not a walk in the park and I’m not meant to fall in love or anything. You’re too pure for this world and you’re gonna find someone who deserves you” Louis says as he began cleaning up some of the other tables 

“I know you don’t believe in love and fairytales or fate or anything like that but i've walked past this cafe so many times and not walked in and the night I did i was actually going to go to my normal Starbucks but then I thought this was closer and said what the hell, then I met you and I just knew it was fate” 

“There’s no such thing as fate. You’re so naive Harry it actually pains me” Louis said turning back around to Harry who was now standing next to him 

“And you’re so clinical it’s pains me” Harry said “I know you don’t believe in love and all that stuff, but please give me a chance” he begged 

“A chance to what?” Louis groaned “to make you happy” Harry stated as if it was obvious 

“Ah for fucks sake Harry” Louis said with a sigh 

“What do you have to lose? just give me a chance and I’ll make you happy, give us a chance babe” he begged again cupping Louis' cheeks. 

Louis sighed and he could see Harry leaning in closer until he could feel Harry's warm minty breath on his lips. 

Louis knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to kiss Harry and he’d probably blame himself when he got home but right now in the moment there was nothing he wanted more. “Kiss me” Louis whined because they were close but not close enough and Harry complied happily pressing his lips against Louis’ 

It was just as soft and tender as the first time and Harry’s hands are holding Louis' face and it isn’t rough, his hands barely touching Louis' face. Louis sighs into Harry’s kiss as he wraps his arms around Harry's middle. 

“Fine” he whispered, pulling away from Harry lips only millimeters apart. “Am I that good of a kisser?” Harry teased and Louis gave him a light shove rolling his eyes “don’t make me change my mind” Louis said as he walked away 

“Can I take you out tomorrow night?” Harry asked with a nervous smile, Louis bit his bottom lip nodding. “But it has to be something creative” he added and Harry smiled. 

“I will text you the details” Harry said “you don’t have to leave you know, you could just hang around watch me study or something” Louis shyly said as a light pink blush covered his cheeks. 

“Yes I'd like that, maybe it’ll give me time to plan our date tomorrow” he said as the sat down at the table

“You ask me on a date and you don’t already have it planned” Louis says with raised brows “let me just deal with it, you continue studying” Harry mumbles while giving Louis a little nose boop 

So they sat in silence Louis working on his essay and Harry planning a fun creative date for them. Occasionally looking up at one another before blushing and looking away. It was like primary school all over again, school boy crushes and stolen glances, knees and legs occasionally brushing up against each other. And Louis can’t remember the last time anyone had made him feel like this, it was innocent and cute. 

With Andrew it was different than this, it was forced conversion and a lot of exploring each other’s wants and needs. It never gave Louis butterflies like he had right now and he was definitely not afraid of losing Andrew. Obviously he loved Andrew that wasn’t the problem but it always seemed forced with them.

And with Nick in the beginning it was mostly about lust, Louis and him had been friends before they got together, having classes together. So one night at some sunky frat party where Louis was absolutely plastered and horny he saw Nick and thought why not. After that Nick asked him out and Louis agreed to it because they were good friends. Maybe it was the fact that Louis was lonely, but he did really like Nick. It wasn’t as instant as it was with Harry but wasn’t forced as it was Andrew. Nick did treat him good and he would do all the cute things for him like making him dinner and buying him flowers that it made Louis forget how badly he was being treated. And when he did realize he’d already been broken down so much to the point where he felt like he couldn’t leave. So he stuck around for another 6 months and it never got better just worse. 

“What you thinking about?” Harry asked as he saw Louis nervously biting on the tip of his pencil “Huh? Oh sorry it was nothing” Louis said as he snapped back into reality “I should start closing up and then you can drive me home” Louis said getting up from his seat “Lou are you sure you’re okay?” He asked and Louis nodded giving him a hug “I’m fine thank you for asking” Louis whispered against his neck.

After cleaning up the shop together and closing Harry drove Louis home and both of singing softly along to the music playing and it was peaceful, filling Louis' chest with a warm unfamiliar feeling.

“Thank you for the ride” Louis said shyly “no problem, I really enjoyed seeing you tonight” Harry said as he looked over to Louis who was pulling on his bottom lip with his right hand. 

“Can I kiss you Lou?” He asked softly “you don’t have to always ask, you know?”

“But I just want you to be comfortable, I don’t want to push myself on to you” he said

Fuck Louis thought to himself because no one had ever cared enough to ask for his consent and the fact that Harry had done that made his heart swell 

“Fucking hell harry” Louis breathes and Harry’s face washed over with concern “Did i say something wrong?” 

“No no you did absolutely nothing wrong” he said leaning over the control panel and cupping Harry’s cheek and softly stroking his cheekbone. “Thankyou for asking, I really, really appreciate it. But you’re not pushing yourself on to me and I’m not uncomfortable and if I ever do feel it I’ll tell you” he murmured lips softly brushing against harrys 

“Okay” Harry whispered before softly pressing his lips against Louis’ 

Slowly Louis’ hand found its way to Harry’s hair softly running through it causing Harry to let out a moan and his lips to part. Louis pulls away laughing a bit and the kiss was so different because a part of him was expecting a tongue forcing its way into his mouth. But Harry didn’t do that, he was gentle and soft letting Louis lead the kiss and taking it in his own pace. 

“You’re so adorable” Harry whispered scanning over Louis' face , taking in his features. Louis scrunched up his nose in disgust very much like the first night they had met when Harry ordered coffee. “Hate that word” Louis said leaning back in his chair 

“Let me adore you” Harry mumbled causing Louis to look at him confused with raised brows. “Nothing, I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” Harry says and Louis nodded 

“Before you go, please don’t change your mind about this Lou” Harry pleaded and Louis just nodded not saying anything.

“Goodnight, drive safe” he said before getting out of the car 

“Goodnight” 

Louis watched as Harry drove away before turning away and going inside. 

Arriving to flat it was dark and Louis was assuming the boys were fast asleep. After changing into pjs and doing some coursework Louis turned to bed for the night. Lion king playing in the background soothing him to sleep as he held onto his teddy bear. 

~ 

The next three weeks came and went pretty fast. Harry had taken Louis on multiple dates at this point and not once did Louis not have fun with him. They consisted of going to a trampoline park at 11pm because Harry had rented it out for the night (telling Louis he knew the owner and that’s why they were allowed in) and playing gladiators trying to push one another into the foam sea. Then making out in the foam sea until their lips were swollen and ruby red.

It was many walks in the park watching how the green leaves turned into orange and before turning into a vibrant red and eventually falling off the trees. 

It was watching movies in either Louis or Harry’s bedroom and snuggling closer together and Harry complaining about Louis' cold feet as Louis pressed them against Harry's feet. Most of the time they’d not really pay attention to the movie, mostly talking or discussing the unreal love expectations they show in movies. Harry thinking it’s cute and Louis thinking its absolute bullshit. 

It was filled with a lot of sunflowers and kisses, stolen glances and touches. Making each other blush and giggle. 

But it was also Louis constantly hyper aware of his sweater sleeves making sure they were down at all times, making sure that Harry wouldn’t touch around his waist or thighs and hips. So Harry wouldn’t be able to feel his chunky thighs or the fat on his belly and see how repulsive Louis truly was. 

And Louis hated that Harry was so high energy and at times it was really hard to keep up and Louis was exhausted all the time. Meaning he had to eat more food than he’d like to sometimes causing stomach aches that had him crying into his pillow in the middle of the night. 

And what he hated the most was how attached he had become to Harry. Louis looked forward to everything that had to do with Harry whether it was late night texts and calls or walking through the park hand in hand or it was an shity underground art show. It didn’t really matter because he got to be with Harry and Louis was confused because he hadn’t felt this strongly and this quick about someone before. It was terrifying and he knew that this meant it would hurt a whole lot more when Harry does end up leaving.

So spending Halloween apart was a real bummer and Louis had spent a whole day mopping about it until Harry came with the suggestion that he’d stop by before Louis and the boys went off to the party and take a taxi with them. Then Louis would come over to the party Harry was attending so they could share a taxi home together. When Harry had suggested it Louis was practically bouncing up and down.

So when the doorbell rang at 9pm on Halloween Louis put his vodka red bull down on the table before running towards the door. His smile dropped when he saw Harry's face covered in green paint and fake cuts and wearing a ripped up suit. 

“Let me eat your brains” was all Harry said causing Louis to snicker a bit “how come you can make zombie look sexy” he said with a pout taking in Harry’s costume. “You’re not even dressed up” Harry said while rolling his eyes 

“I have my bunny ears in the living room and I’m going to a uni party no one will care” Louis said looking down at his plain white sweatshirt and white jeans. 

“Cute little bunny” Harry murmured as he pulled Louis in for a quick peck. “Sexy zombie” Louis said back causing Harry to giggle against Louis' cheek. 

“Come along, Niall and Zayn are dying to meet you” Louis said, taking Harry's hand and walking towards the living room. 

“Niall, Zayn this is Harry, Harry these are my roommates Zayn and Niall” he said introducing them to one another 

“Hey nice to meet you” Niall said getting up and shaking his hand followed by Zayn greeting Harry. “Nice to meet you guys too, I don’t always look like this” Harry said referring to the clothes and his face “nah I think it’s a sexy look” Louis joked 

“I got you guys some Halloween cupcakes” Harry said holding out the box in his hands 

“You’re working your way into my heart” Niall said, taking the box from harrys hands. 

“You want anything to drink?” Louis asked as Harry sat down in the love seat “No thank you, I had a couple drinks before coming here” Harry admitted 

“What are you guys drinking?” Harry asked looking over to the boys “Vodka RedBull” Zayn said, taking a sip of his drink.

“You have dinner?” He asked Louis and he nodded “Good, it’s not good to drink on an empty stomach” he said, feeding Louis a bit of cupcake. 

“Thank you” Louis said giving Harry a peck 

“I didn’t know you guys would be so obnoxious” Zayn mumbled looking over to Harry and Louis. 

“Sorry, so what are you guys dressed up as?” Harry asked “I’m a pirate and he’s a, I’m not sure” Niall said referring to Zayn 

“I’m me, I’m just going to drink” he admitted “but you’ve gone all out” 

“Yea, it’s friends Halloween party and he’s really into Halloween and he does a best dressed award and I like winning” Harry stated “I’m sure you’ll win” Louis said squeezing Harry’s thigh “Thank you baby” 

“Baby?” Niall asked snickering like a child causing Louis to groan annoyed 

“Shut up please” Louis said

“So not that you’re here Harry and we’ve met you I think it’s just fair if we get the talk over with” Zayn said looking over at Harry with a grin “Zayn stop it” Louis warned but it didn’t really help

“The talk?” Harry asked confused and Louis just groaned because there was no talking them out of it now 

“I’m making myself another drink” Louis said getting up from next Harry and into the kitchen. 

“I’ve known Louis my whole life, he’s my brother, my other half you know? And me, him and Niall are all very close and we’re all brother” Zayn began “so Louis means a lot to us and so does his happiness” he added “So none of us will even hesitate to strangle you in your sleep if you even think of hurting him” Niall said “Lou is soft he’s a baby, and if you hurt him I will break every single bone in your body-“ “including your dick” Niall cut in “and I will enjoy every single minute of it” he added “so all we’re asking here is that you treat Louis with the respect and care and love he deserves” Niall said “act like he’s hung all the fucking stars, he deserves the whole world so you better treat him right” Zayn explained with a stern look 

And Harry found it endearing really because the boys were definitely not intimidating but it was nice seeing how much they cared for Louis. 

“I promise, he means a lot to me” Harry said and Zayn just said good and Niall smiled 

Zayn then got up to go to Louis, leaving Harry and Niall to make conversation on their own.

“He seems really nice” Zayn whispered leaning against the counter “making sure you’ve had dinner and bringing us snacks and all, I’m sure he’s won his way into Niall's heart” he continued “what about your heart?” Louis asked

“Do you like him?” Zayn asked avoiding the question “Yea he’s really good to me” Louis whispered smile on his face and looking over to Harry who was laughing with Niall 

“Does he treat you good?” Zayn asked also looking at Harry “Yea he always makes sure I’m comfortable and I told him he didn’t need to ask if he wanted to kiss me but sometimes he still does and he’s just so nice” he said “and he’s a good kisser” he added causing Zayn to shake his head while laughing 

The smile not leaving Zayn's face as he pulled Louis into a hug saying “Then he’s won my heart too, anything to see you happy Lou” 

“Same goes for you” Louis said against his shoulder 

“So you sleeping home tonight?” Louis asked as he pulled away and began making his drink “No I think I’m staying at that guys house” Zayn said looking away and blushing “that’s the fifth night in a row, when will I find out his name?” He asked shocked “it’s nothing we’re just messing around nothing seriously” Zayn says walking away from the kitchen 

“Niall” Louis yelled not breaking eye contact with zayn “Zayns sleeping over at that guys house again” Louis whined 

“Then I can ask Selena over” Niall said not giving Louis the answer he wanted “That's not the answer I wanted” Louis whined 

“Why do you care?” Zayn asked curiously “because I’m nosy and I want to know who is getting my best friend off” Louis explained as if it was a valid reason “You don’t see me asking how many times a week you and Harry get off” Zayn stated causing Louis and Harry to both turn red. 

Because they hadn’t gotten off, because Harry seeing Louis' body was the last thing on Louis’ list. Louis looked over to Zayn and Zayn could directly read his face and realizing that he had probably said the wrong thing. 

“Oh” he said looking at Harry’s face that was blushing so hard you could see the red illuminating under the green face. “Sorry” Zayn mumbled before looking away embarrassed 

“Lou you better down that drink because the taxi is here” Niall said as he began to down his own drink “oh fuck” Louis groaned as he began to drink his drink 

“Naughty list” Harry said as he looked over to Louis with a frown on his face 

“Is that some sort of kink?” Niall asked confused and Louis shook his head finishing the last of his drink “no he just still believes in Santa and swearing gets you on the naughty list” Louis said giving Harry a small smile 

“Well all Louis does is swear so i think he’s earned himself a lifetime spot on the naughty list” Zayn joked and Harry just looked over to Louis with a puzzled look “you don’t swear that much around me” he said and Louis nodded saying “Yea because I know you don’t like it” 

And Harry’s face softened because Louis didn’t need to do that because he wasn’t a child. A part of him got sad because Louis swearing was one of the hottest things but he didn’t say anything being grateful for what Louis had done. 

The car ride was filled with Niall drunkenly making conversation with the driver as the other three boys laughed at him and what he was saying. 

“I’ll be right out” Louis said as they arrived at the frat party and Zayn nodded being the first one to leave the car. 

“It was nice meeting you Harry and if you want to take Louis home tonight you’ve got my approval, you two can have all the sex you want and I get a free house” Niall explained as he got out of the taxi looking back at Harry. 

“It was nice meeting you too” Harry said as Zayn dragged Niall away from the taxi. “I’m sorry about them they’re a bit much” Louis explained “it’s nice how much they care about you” Harry said reassuring him causing Louis to smile 

“I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” Louis asked, wrapping his arms around harry's neck and he nodded, giving Louis a peck. 

“I’ll text you when I get done here” he stated “Yea, be careful and if you want me to come pick you up instead just text me and I’ll be here” Harry said gently cupping Louis face 

“Yes, you be careful too and I’ll text you” Louis said, placing another kiss onto Harry’s lips before leaving the taxi to go into the party. 

-

It was later on in the evening around 2am when Louis was beginning to feel tired as his buzz was slowly fading away. He had been sitting and playing never have I ever with a group of people that were in the same drama class as him. Louis couldn’t wait to see Harry and that scared him because he didn’t remember the last time he had been that excited over someone. 

After leaving the group who continued to play without him he went on a search for Niall and Zayn telling them he’d be leaving to go to Harry. He saw Niall dancing with some girl and decided to not disturb them. He continued his search further into the house to see if he would find Zayn. 

The night had for the most part been a success, it was fun and they had been playing pretty good music all throughout the night. There was one guy who had been too handsy on the dance floor grabbing Louis and rubbing up all against him. But after an elbow or two to the stomach the pervy boy left him alone. 

“What are you supposed to be dressed as?” Louis heard a voice ask from behind him and Louis stopped in his tracks his heart sinking recognizing that voice anywhere. Slowly turning around Louis was met with a broad chest and his eyes slowly moving their way up to Nick's face, his breath caught in his throat. 

He knew it would be him by the voice yet he was not expecting it and all of a sudden it was getting a lot harder to breathe. 

“A bunny” Louis said quietly and somehow over the loud music his voice was heard. “Cute bunny” he said and with those words Louis ripped the bunny ears off his head gripping them tightly in his clenched fists. 

“I should go” Louis said as he tried to move past Nick. 

Nick grabbed his arm pulling him back and tightly squeezing Louis' arm to the point he could feel his blood circulation cut off. 

“I don’t think you have anywhere to be actually” Nick said, squeezing Louis' arm even tighter. “Please Nick, it hurts” he begged with no avail 

“It’s been a long time since we hung out” he said, completely ignoring Louis’ pleading. “Maybe we could go upstairs and hang out for a bit” he suggested “I don’t want to” Louis argued, trying to pull his arm away from Nick's grip. “And why is that?” He asked pulling Louis closer to his chest. “Because I don’t like you and I don’t want to sleep with you” Louis argued trying to push Nick away but it was a worthless fight nick being a whole lot taller and stronger than him. “You know it’s bad to tell lies” Nick said as he pulled Louis to his chest. “Nick stop it you’re hurting me” Louis pleaded “follow me upstairs and I’ll stop” he said as if it was a good enough compromise.

“I can't, I'm seeing someone” Louis said, still trying to get away and Nick just scoffed. “Oh yeah who?” He asked squeezing Louis had a bit tighter “none of your business Nick”

“I’ll let you go when you start telling me the truth and tell me more about this imaginary boyfriend huh, does he make you feel as good as I do? Does he kiss you like I do? Does he fuck you like I do? Touch you in all the right places?” He asked right hand now on Louis crouch 

When a couple girls stumbled into the kitchen catching Nicks eye Louis took it as his opportunity to get out of his grip and run out of the kitchen and continue running until he was a good 5 minutes away from the frat house. After finally being able to regain his breath he felt the wetness on his cheeks and he hadn’t even noticed he’d been crying. He felt so dirty and just wanted to scrub his skin clean.

He was sent a quick text to Zayn and Niall telling them that he had left like he should have from the beginning before ordering a taxi to take him to the address Harry had sent him earlier in the evening. 

Rubbing where Nick had grabbed him trying to sooth the pain knowing it would definitely bruise. Fuck he should of left that party sooner he thought. His whole night had been ruined in a couple minutes and he just wanted to see Harry. There’s nothing he wanted more than to get a hug from Harry. 

After arriving at the location and paying the taxi driver Louis stepped out to see a mansion and obviously Harry was partying here. It was even bigger than Harrys house and Louis had never felt more out of place in his alcohol stained white sweatshirt and jeans.

All of a sudden Louis felt a lot more drunk then he had in the taxi, his stomach churning and feeling the need to throw up, he hadn’t really eaten much during the day a cheese toast in the morning, a couple carrot sticks and a bit of the cupcake Harry had brought, the rest was alcohol.

After knocking on the door it took a minute before anyone opened and it was a man dressed up as the devil who opened. 

“How may I help you?” He said in a judgmental tone making Louis feel even more nauseous. “I’m looking for my friend, he said he’d be here” Louis explained tightly wrapping his arms around his stomach. “What’s his name son” the man asked “Harry, Harry Doyle” Louis said and the man looked back at him with a confused expression. 

He then grabbed someone who was walking by’ arm explaining that he was there to meet a Harry Doyle. The other man who was dressed as a vampire looked up confused before his eyes lit up “you must be Louis, I’m Liam Harry's friend” he introduced himself and Louis could finally relax. “I’ve got this” he said to the other man before telling Louis to come in. 

It was definitely different to the party he had just been at, there were people walking around with trays of what looked like champagne and finger food. There was music playing but it was some soft jazz and there was no real dance floor, most people were sitting around or standing talking with one another. No strong weed scent in the air, no couple practically having sex on the couches and nobody doing body shots from each other. It was definitely different. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Harry has told me a lot about you” Louis said to Liam as he looked around the house. “It’s nice meeting you too and Harry has also told me a lot about you, I’ve never seen him talk about anyone else the way he talks about you” Liam said causing him to blush “My friends say the same” Louis said causing Liam to smile. 

He knew it was messed up that Harry had been lying to this sweet boy in front of him but knowing they liked each other when Harry does tell him it would be okay, right? Because it’s not that big and it won’t matter, right? Liam thought to himself to convince himself. 

“What are you supposed to be dressed up as?” Liam asked looking at Louis’ clothes “I was supposed to be a bunny but I lost my ears somewhere” Louis said laughing a bit and Liam chuckled along. 

“So me being the best friend, it’s my duty to embarrass Harry” Liam said “but I’m quite drunk right now and I think I’d accidentally over share” he added and Louis nodded laughing a bit “I guess you’ll have to tell me another time” he suggested and “most definitely”

“I’ll go get Harry, you stay here” Liam said and Louis nodded watching him walk away. Patiently biting on his bottom lip while waiting for Harry. When he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his shoulder and pulling him back towards their body he knew it was Harry. So he just leaned into the touch, putting his hands over Harrys as he rested his head on Harry’s shoulder, closing his eyes. 

“Hey baby, I thought you’d be like another hour or so” he said, placing soft kisses in Louis' hair. “I got tired,” Louis said, turning around in Harry’s arms and wrapping his arms around his waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck. 

“You could of gone home baby, you didn’t have to come all the way out here” Harry said feeling guilty that Louis forced himself to come all the way here. “No I wanted to come” Louis said, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over. 

“Liam likes you, he said you seemed funny” Harry said placing a kiss on Louis shoulder “Yea Naill and Zayn also liked you” Louis whispered his voice unsteady 

“You alright? You sound not like yourself” Harry said, pulling away from the hug to look at Louis' face. Louis was aware that his voice got softer whenever he’d be upset and it was a big change from his normal self. 

“What’s wrong baby?” Harry asked, seeing Louis' glassy eyes and trembling lip. “Nothing really, I'm just a bit drunk and overreacting” he said, waving the whole thing off as if it were nothing. 

“Could you get me something to drink?” Louis asked, placing a soft kiss on Harry’s lips. “Water?” He asked and Louis shook his head no “I want to drink” he whispered and Harry gave him a concerned look before walking off and getting two champagne glasses. 

Before Harry could even speak Louis took both of them drinking them within seconds of each other leaving a very shocked Harry. “You want to go home honey?” He asked Louis taking the glasses out of his hands “what’s with all the fucking pet names?” Louis groaned, making Harry’s smile drop “I’m sorry” he whispered embarrassed over not noticing how much he called Louis pet names.

“No no I’m sorry, I should just leave, I’m having a bad night and I shouldn’t take it out on you” he apologized running his hands through his hair “Let me get my jacket and we’ll leave” Harry said putting down the glasses on a table and taking Louis hand in his. “You don’t have to leave, I can stay and hang around” Louis said shyly and Harry shook his head no “I’d rather be with you” Harry explained making Louis blush and look away. 

After Harry retrieved his jacket they said bye to Liam before walking out in the cold weather where they’d wait for their Uber to arrive. 

“Harry” Louis said shyly as he rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Yeah?” He asked, wrapping his arm around Louis' shoulder. “I like it when you call me baby, honey or other pet names, sorry for acting like a total dick” he apologized “you do?” Harry asked as you could practically hear the smile in his voice “yes i do” Louis reassured him. “Okay baby” he said and Louis cheesed and hid his face in the crook of Harry’s neck. 

“Would it be weird if I asked if I could sleep at yours tonight?” Louis asked wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and his face was still nuzzled against his shoulder. “You want that?” He asked placing his hands on Louis’ upper back knowing how stiff and uncomfortable Louis would get whenever Harry would touch his waist or hips. So he stopped after the first two times in order to not make Louis uncomfortable and Louis was more than grateful. 

“Would you want me to?” He asked and Harry just laughed into Louis' hair. “I want you to, but only if you’re comfortable and if you want your own bed even, I’d understand that” Harry explained “I want to and I don’t want my own bed” he whispered against Harry’s neck and Harry understood. 

The car ride to Harry’s house wasn’t too long but long enough for Louis to doze off on Harry’s shoulder before he was being woken up again. Harry let Louis raid his closet for clothes to wear and it was actually quite adorable to watch Louis in Harry’s clothes that were extremely oversized. 

As Harry went off to wash the makeup off and do his skin care Louis climbed into his bed looking at his phone seeing a couple texts from Zayn and Niall just telling him to be careful and safe. Louis watched Harry through the open bathroom door washing his face and Louis never knew someone could look that good washing their face. 

“Hurry up ‘m cold” Louis whined, Harry looking over to Louis with a toothy smile. “Is that why you wanted to sleep over?” He asked, Louis just nodded not even sure if Harry could see him. 

Louis was well aware that Harry was very comfortable in his body and he proved it over and over again by stripping down and changing front of Louis. How would louis ever be able to show his body to Harry when Harry looked like an absolute sex god. 

Louis pressed up against harrys back wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist and the other under his head when Harry got into bed. Louis liked being the big spoon because the chances of Harry feeling his body were much lower. 

“I was upset earlier because at the party because a guy was really handsy and I didn’t like it and I ran into my ex and he was just a piece of shit” Louis whispered against Harry’s neck. 

Harry turned his head around to try and see Louis face “thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that, and I’m sorry that happened, what did you do?” He asked 

“Well I elbowed the handsy guy in the stomach and he got the message after a couple of times” Louis said with a small chuckle “he shouldn’t of even be touching you in the first place” Harry said as he could feel himself getting angry, not at Louis but at whoever the guy was.

Harry turned around still in Louis arms to get a better look at Louis as he cautiously asked “what about your ex?” causing Louis to sigh because he knew the question was coming. 

“Me and him didn’t really have a great relationship and he kept asking me to follow him upstairs and I didn’t want to and I even told him I was seeing someone and he was just being a dick so I ran from the part losing my bunny ears somewhere along the way and it took me a while to calm down and stop crying” Louis admitted “you cried?” Harry asked propping himself up on this elbow. Louis nodded “it just brought up some bad memories” he sighed 

“I’m so sorry baby, did you tell Niall or Zayn?” He asked and Louis shook his head “I texted them though but I just wanted to get away and be with you” he said shyly and Harry flushed a deep red color “I’m here now” he said while pulling Louis in for a hug. 

“I’m sorry for ruining your night and I’m sorry for acting like a complete dick when I went to the party you were at” Louis said against harry's neck “you don’t need to apologize, you had a bad night and it’s alright” Harry said squeezing Louis tighter 

“Turn around so I can spoon you” Louis said, placing soft kisses on his neck “are you sure you’re okay?” Harry asked, looking at Louis' face and he just nodded. “I’m glad you told me” Harry said before gently kissing Louis. 

Harry turned around and soon Louis' arm was draped over Harry's waist and the other under Harry's pillow. Soon enough Harry's soft snores filled the quiet room and Louis just placed a kiss between Harry’s shoulder blades before trying to sleep himself.

~

“Lou I made you some breakfast” Harry whispered into Louis' ear as he was laying flat on his tummy and face squished against the pillow. 

“M’ tired” he mumbled refusing to open his eyes “it’s almost noon” Harry said laughing in form of hot air 

“you speak like an old lady” Louis groaned “are you always this grumpy in the morning?” Harry asked with a pout “m’ not grumpy” he protested finally opening his eyes to be met with a smiling Harry. 

“You snore” Louis said turning over on to his back and Harry’s mouth just gaped “I do not snore” he objected “yes you do but it’s these soft cute snores you almost sound like a kitten” Louis explained looking at Harry with a big smile. Harry just continued to pout before getting off the bed “come and eat breakfast” he said before leaving the room. 

Louis groaned before getting out of the bed and he hadn’t noticed the pounding headache or that he practically reeked of alcohol, he could almost feel it pouring out of his pores.

“I feel disgusting” Louis said as he walked into the kitchen “hung over?” Harry asked laughing and Louis nodded “it’s not funny, I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep” Louis said sitting down at the breakfast bar 

“We could do that if you want” Harry says shyly, causing Louis to blush and nod. 

“How you not hungover?” Louis asked curiously “I didn’t drink that much last night” he said with a shrug “you don’t like drinking or?” He asked trying to not be insensitive or anything “no I do like it, it’s really embarrassing” Harry says looking down at his plate of food and that just made Louis even more curious “tell me” he demanded poking Harry’s cheek. “Niall said that you were gonna get drunk last night and when you’re drunk you usually liked being taken care of and I wanted to be that person, so I didn’t drink too much last night” he said his blush reaching his neck and ears “you didn’t have to do that for me” Louis said confused at why Harry would give up a fun night just to take care of Louis “I wanted to” he said still not looking up from his plate. 

“Fucking hell harry, kiss me” Louis demanded causing Harry to laugh and look towards Louis. 

~ 

After eating breakfast together Louis decided to head home to shower and hang out with Niall and Zayn, before Harry would come over and watch movies. 

“How do you ever get school work done?” Harry asked referring to the yelling coming from the living room.

They laid together in Louis' bed as Harry’s arm was wrapped around his shoulder and Louis rested his head on Harry’s chest watching Finding Nemo together.

“I like it and I grew up with younger siblings, it feels like home” he explained looking up at Harry “I understand that, but you don’t ever want some quiet?” He asked. “Only when I’m in a really bad mood, but I always go on a walk if I’m angry or something” Louis says and Harry nodded again asking “does it help clear your head?” 

“Yea somewhat, If I’m in a mood being locked in up in my room all alone is never good” he said, Harry didn’t question it any further just nodding. 

The continued to watching the movie in silence, Harry’s fingers running through Louis’ hair softly and Louis realizes he’s never had this with either Andrew or Nick. None of them would ever just watch a movie with him and play with his hair, without expecting anything in return. 

“Lou” Harry said causing Louis to snap out of his thoughts and look up at Harry “I really like you” he said “I like you too Harry” he said, smiling. 

“I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something” and Louis' smile dropped directly and he quickly sat up looking down at Harry because this was it. 

Harry had finally realized that he could do thousand times better and was ready to drop Louis. He was done with Louis and now he’d tell him, but Harry was too kind and he’d do it gently. But Louis knew it would just hurt as much. He wasn’t too surprised because this day would have come sooner or later. Louis could feel his stomach drop and all of a sudden felt very nauseous. He wiped his sweaty palms on his sweatpants waiting for Harry to talk, completely forgetting the movie. He couldn’t stomach looking up at Harry so his gaze rested on his lap. Just waiting for the apple to drop 

  
  


“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page and last night at the party someone asked who i was seeing and they asked if you were my boyfriend. I know you’re still unsure about this and....but I was just thinking things were going well, at least that’s how I’ve been feeling and I hope you’ve been feeling the same. And I enjoy being around you and spending time with you...and you’re easy to talk to….and we haven’t known each other for that long but….it feels longer you know….and you’re really funny and smart and beautiful….and I know you were like really reluctant to getting to know me because you were scared and I know….um you only agreed to giving me a chance and I was wondering if I could call you my boyfriend” Harry rambles and Louis looks at him as if he had grown a second head 

“What?” Is all he managed to say still confused at Harry’s words.

“Fuck I knew it would be too soon I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you at all, we can forget it if that’s what you want. It’s just hard for me to sometimes know how you’re feeling because I feel like I’m really, really obvious about how I feel about you and you’re a bit more closed off and reserved and there’s nothing wrong about that, I really that you’re you but sometimes it’s really hard to tell if you want me the same way I want you” Harry explained also sitting up now 

And Louis was still surprised because that meant that Harry still liked him and he wasn’t done with him and that he even wanted to call him his boyfriend “of course I want you Harry, don’t ever doubt that and I know I’m not good with expressing how I feel with words and all, but I do really like you, you’re too good to me” he said moving closer to Harry 

“So does that mean I can call you my boyfriend?” Harry eagerly asked “if you want to, yea” Louis said shyly 

Harry eagerly got on to his knees to capture Louis’ lips, both his hands holding Louis' face as their lips melded together. As they pulled away their breathing a lot slower and heavier than before. 

“You’re too good to me” Louis mumbled against Harrys lips “why?” He asked. Harry pulled away a bit confused “why what?” He asked 

“Why are you so good to me?” He asked again “because you deserve it, you deserve someone who sees how amazing you are, how beautiful, smart, funny and perfect. You’re so perfect” Harry whispered as he placed soft kisses over Louis face “I’m not perfect” he said closing his eyes 

“You are to me” Harry said without hesitating one bit. “I know how you hate the way I am, you know always talking about my feelings and being over the top, I’m sorry” Harry apologized 

“No don’t say sorry, don’t ever say sorry, I like that you’re like that because it’s what makes you you, and I would never want to change that. I’m the one who should be saying sorry, I know that I should be more open and stuff, it’s not fair on you” Louis said looking away from Harry's soft eyes 

“No Louis you shouldn’t, you have been opening up more than you notice, you told me about your ex and what happened at the party and it’s more than enough for me” Harry said reassuring Louis “it’s okay if we take it slow” he added and Louis nodded 

“You’re my boyfriend” Harry says again as if he couldn’t believe it and Louis never knew how much he would enjoy being called that. His cheeks warming up and smiling into Harry’s neck. 

Harry laid back on the bed and Louis was by his side in a matter of seconds kissing Harry because he knew he couldn’t express the way he felt in words so he’d do anything and everything to show how much it meant to him. His hands softly running up and down Harry's chest as Louis' lips moved to his neck placing soft bites all over causing Harry to moan.

His soft bites and kisses moving down harry's neck and chest as he lifted Harry slowly lifting his shirt past his toned chest fingertips grazing his soft skin. Planting kisses from the waistline of Harry’s sweatpants and kissing over the trail of hair leading to Harry’s bellybutton. He then placed scattered kisses on Harrys ribs causing him to let out breathy moans. 

Louis brought up his thumb to Harry’s nipple while gently rolling the other in between his lips making Harry groan and grip the sheets, arching his back off the bed. He goes to put his hand under Harry's sweatpants softly palming Harry over his boxers. He was already half hard and twitching under his hand. 

Letting out a groan and a sting of breathy whines making Louis move his hand even faster to the point where he could feel Harry leaking precum through his boxers. And it didn’t take a lot before Harry was straining against his boxers hissing and moaning. 

When Louis looked up to Harry’s eyes the green was barely visible as his pupils were lust blown watching every move Louis made. Harry felt his breath get caught in his throat when Louis finally pulled down his boxers and let his cock free and slapped against his own stomach. He watched as Louis almost studied his dick making him itch with anticipation. Louis thought to himself that Harry had a pretty dick; it was smooth, not too veiny, it was a pretty impressive size as it was leaking precum against Harrys abs. 

Louis thumbing over the head spreading the precum a bit causing Harry to let out a throaty moan that echoed through the bedroom. Louis took the base of Harry’s cock placing soft kisses and kittenlicks on the head, tasting the salty yet sweet cum on his tongue. He knew Harry enjoyed eating healthy so that was most likely the reason that he tasted sweet. He dipped his chin taking Harry head into his mouth and he could feel harrys muscles clenching under him. 

“Lou” he cried out, giving Louis more motivation to take him further down his throat. Harry’s cock weighing heavy on the back of Louis' tongue. “Fuck- Lou that feels good” Harry moaned putting his hands into Louis hair. 

At this point Louis expected Harry to hold his head down and start bucking into his throat like most guys would have done but Harry's fingers just started there in his hair, not gripping, pulling or pushing almost as if he was comforting Louis. He took more of Harry into his mouth until he could feel him at the back of his throat. “Shit you feel so good Lou” Harry groaned as Louis began to bob his head up and down, breathing through his nose as he thumbs prodded into Harry’s hips. 

Harry hummed and couldn’t keep from squirming as Louis head bopped faster on his cock. He let out a loud “fuck” when he felt Louis teeth softly graze on the underside of his shaft. “Oh Jesus” Harry moaned as Louis began massaging his balls. “It’s Louis” he said pulling away from Harry's cock “I know, I know it’s all you all Louis” Harry said fisting the sheets as Louis’ thumb rubbed soft circles on his balls. Louis looked up at Harry who was letting out mouthy breaths, eyes rolling into the back of his head in pleasure. He let out another throaty moan when feeling Louis mouth around his dick again. 

“Lou m close” Harry whined encouraging Louis to tighten his lips around Harry and humming sending vibrations that made him groan. “Fuck you’re good at this Lou” 

Louis worked his throat bobbing his head faster, using his free hand to hold the base of Harry’s cock slowly jerk him off giving occasional squeezes. And the different speeds of Louis' hand on his base, the other on his balls and his mouth was throwing Harry over the edge and Harry’s quick panting filled the room. “So Good Lou- fuck- don’t stop, I’m close, lou” his pants in a deep and low voice. 

And Louis could feel he was close as his muscle began to tense and Harry kept chanting “Lou” over and over again. When Louis looked up at Harry through his eyelashes and met Harry's lust blown pupils, it sent him over the edge cumming down Louis' throat. He continued sucking letting Harry ride out his orgasm before pulling away with pop. Licking his lips he tucked Harry back into his boxers and pulled up his sweatpants. Before moving up and laying down next to Harry and giving him a soft kiss. “Fuck Lou you’re so good” he wispered agaisnt his lips completely fucked out

“You swear a lot for someone who hates swearing” Louis said placing soft kisses along his jawline “what do you expect when your mouth is the best thing I’ve ever experienced?” He breathed causing Louis to laugh “Let me take care of you” Harry said as he began kissing Louis neck “no it’s okay, finding Nemo is kinda throwing me off” he joked pointing toward the screen.

“I want to write you a song” Harry said running his fingers through Louis' hair completely blissed out “do I finally get to hear you sing then?” Louis asked “soon love” Harry mumbled obviously tired 

Louis looked back at the tv and the movie had still been playing and he couldn’t help but laugh to himself “You got off to Finding Nemo” Louis teased causing Harry to groan “Walt Disney is turning in his grave” Louis added and Harry just closed his eyes embarrassed. “And now I got my answer, you are a loud one” he further teased causing him to groan even more “wait so you think they heard?” Harry asked, referring to Niall and Zayn. “They’re not playing video games anymore so they probably heard and went into their rooms” Louis said and Harry nuzzled his neck into Louis neck “go say sorry, I’m so embarrassed” he whined 

“I’m only getting up because I want water, not because to apologize,” Louis stated before getting out of Harry’s grip and leaving the room. Harry just laughed and nodded as he watched Louis leave the room. 

He heard talking coming from Zayns room, upon entering he found him and Niall playing FIFA on his tv whispering insults to one another. “Well well well, look at what the cat dragged in” Niall said looking at Louis 

“I’m not sure what you were doing to make him yell that loud but damn” Zayn said, making Louis' cheeks flare red. 

“Was it really that loud? He asked and they both nodded “sorry” he said even more embarrassed 

“So I guess things are going good?” Zayn asked and before he could answer Niall said “it must be for him to be moaning ‘Lou Lou you’re so fucking good Lou’”

“I’m leaving” Louis said before closing the door and he could hear the boys laughing on the other end. 

He grabbed his water bottle and went back to his room to find Harry on his belly softly snoring with the movie still on in the background. It amazed him how someone could fall asleep so fast, but he turned off the movie getting in beside Harry placing a kiss on his shoulder. 

“Good night boyfriend” he whispered to himself, smiling at how the simple word brought him so much joy. 

Now he definitely knew it would hurt so much more when Harry did end up leaving him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi im so sorry for being mia i had so much to deal with in my personal life and school opened again and i didnt have the time but here is a new chapter and i hope you enjoy it. There will bw smut in this and talks about emtional and sexual abuse so heres your warning. Let me know what you think

**Reserved chapter seven**

_ I wanna know about your past _

_ Wanna know about your last _

_ Wanna know, know I asked you _

_ You can tell me 'bout your ex _

_ You can tell me bout the sex _

_ You can tell me ’bout regrets that you tried to forget  _

_ Even if it's fucked up _

Tell me all your secrets - mod sun

It had been three weeks of pure bliss and lighthearted fun until Harry began to feel frustrated, never showing it to Louis though. It was frustrating that louis was so reserved all the time and Harry didn’t know what he was allowed to say or do. He was unsure where he was allowed to touch Louis and most frustrating was that louis wouldn’t let him know what was okay or not okay. But Harry had learned the signs and learned which places Louis didn’t like being touched in and he did everything he could to avoid those spots.

“What’s the problem?” Gemma asked Harry annoyed at him “nothing” he mumbled crossing his arms over his chest “There's obviously a problem here, is it about Louis?” Liam asked looking at Harry “I really really like him” he sighed “Hows that a problem” Liam asked confused “he’s lying to him that’s obviously the problem here” Gemma said 

“Gem” Harry groaned “fine what's the problem?” She asked 

“He doesn’t like me touching him” Harry said “what do you mean?” Liam asked brows furrowing 

“He doesn’t like when I hold him around his waist or touch his thighs or hips, and I get if he doesn’t like it I’ll respecting him always it can just be frustrating at times not knowing where I can touch him” he explained 

“It’s not that big of a deal maybe he’s just insecure or something, just talk to him” Gemma said rolling her eyes “it’s not just that, he won’t let me get him off either, like I don’t get to return the favour or anything not even a simple hand job and all I want to do is make him feel good” Harry whined 

“That is way too much information” Gemma said in disgust “maybe he gets off on not getting off” Liam offered 

“But I really want to and I really like him and it’s just hard because at times he’s so closed off and I don’t know what to do or say” Harry groaned even louder than before 

“Just talk to him” Liam encouraged him “I don’t want to upset him” he whined 

“Imagine he’ll feel when he finds out the truth” Gemma mumbled 

“Why you here if all you’re gonna do is be mean?” Harry asked looking at Gemma “I just want to suck his dick is that too much to ask for?” Harry groaned “Harry I’m still here” Gemma said annoyed not wanting to hear her brothers needs 

“Maybe he has a little dick” Liam said “I don’t care I still want to” Harry said “maybe he’s just insecure? doesn’t like showing off his body and all” Gemma suggested “Yea maybe, maybe that’s why he doesn’t like me holding his waist and stuff” Harry sighed 

“I knew someone who was like that once” Liam said and we all looked at him to tell us more “they use to self harm and stuff that’s why they weren’t comfortable with showing their body” Liam said “Louis doesn’t do that” Harry argued “I never said he did, I’m just telling you about my friend” Liam defended 

“How are you so sure Harry?” Gem asked cautiously “He’s not like depressed or anything, I think I would of noticed” Harry said defensively “People are good at hiding” Liam said and Harry groaned annoyed “Well he doesn’t” he said 

“Calm down brother we never said he did okay, we get it you really like him” Gemma said annoyed 

Before he had the chance to answer there was a knock on the front door, confusing Harry because Louis was not supposed to be here yet. After opening the door to reveal a tired looking Louis, with his jacket wrapped around his body shivering as the rain poured down. 

“You’re early, I was gonna pick you up” Harry said letting Louis in and giving him a peck “I know I just wanted to be here, am I disturbing?” He asked shyly, Harry shook his head no. 

“I’ll tell Liam and Gemma to leave” Harry said “they’re here? Shit I look like a wet dog, can I go upstairs and change quickly?” Louis asked as he began to panic “you want to meet Gemma?” Harry asked confused “you don’t want me to?” Louis asked with a frown 

“Of course I just thought you wouldn’t want to, but go upstairs and get changed we’re in the living room” Harry said giving Louis another kiss. Louis squealed before running up stairs leaving a trail of water after him. 

“He’s upstairs getting changed he’ll be down in a minute, and after you guys have to leave” Harry said sitting back down on the couch “why do we have to leave?” Gemma asked annoyed “because Louis needs to study and you’re being quite rude today and I don’t need any of that around him” Harry stated causing Gemma to roll her eyes “you’re really protective of him” Liam said 

“Yea I really like him” Harry said with a smile “sounds like you’re falling in love” Gemma stated 

  
  


“Hi” Louis said as he walked through the door and all eyes were on him. He nervously tugged the arms of the sweater he was wearing. “Hi I’m Gemma” she said standing up giving Louis a hug. “I’m louis” he said hugging her back and he noted that her and Harry had the same eyes, filled with kindness and love. 

“Hey Liam” Louis said, giving him a smile before sitting down next to Harry. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Harry has told me so much about you” Gemma said causing Harry to groan “All good I hope, he’s told me a lot about you too” Louis said placing his hand on Harry’s thigh to give him a reassuring squeeze. “Yea all good, it seems like you’ve got my brother all smitten. He can’t go five minutes without talking about you” Gemma said laughing a bit “Gemma” Harry warned causing Louis to snicker “you know she’s only telling the truth” Liam joined in “it’s actually cute” Louis said giving Harry a peck on his cheek. 

“So Harry told me you’re in uni, what is your major?” She asked “I’m majoring in English” Louis said with a smile “what do you want to do after you graduate?” She asked in quick succession “Be an English teacher or maybe drama” Louis answered and he wasn’t sure why he felt uneasy “So are you treating my brother well?” She asked and this definitely felt like an interrogation. “Gem” Harry warned again 

“It’s a fair question” she argued “He treats me very well, not that it’s any of your business” Harry said answering for Louis “I didn’t ask you Haz, I asked him” Gemma said bitterly “I think I do, I try my best to” Louis said shyly and harry could tell right away how gemma's harsh tone was scaring him. 

“Are you using my brother for his money?” Gemma asked and Louis went wide eyed 

“Okay it’s time for you two to leave” Harry said standing up from beside Louis. 

“It was nice seeing you again” Liam said to Louis and he nodded giving a smile back. “It was nice meeting you Louis” Gemma said giving Louis a cold smile to Louis which he returned a small smile. 

After Harry returned to Louis, Louis had a frown on his face and his eyes were glassy. “Lou baby what’s wrong?” Harry asked “Did I do something wrong? Do you think I just want you for your money? And gemma hates me” He said voice smaller than before “No no Gemma is just like that, you have sisters you know how it is, you treat me so well Louis too good, I would never believe that” Harry said hugging him and placing kisses all over his face “but you seemed upset” Louis sniffled into Harry’s neck “not at you love” he reassured him. 

“I can make you feel better” Louis said, kissing Harry’s neck and letting his hand stroke his thigh. Because it was all Louis really knew how to do, he was too scared to lose Harry and he didn’t want to see Harry upset. 

“It’s okay Lou, just go get your bag and we can go sit on the patio and light a fire and I’ll help you study” Harry said putting his hand on top of Louis. Louis was confused as to why Harry would turn him down because it was the only thing Nick would want when he’d be upset. 

Louis nodded confused, getting up to go get his bag that he put by the front door. 

~ 

Louis was sat at the breakfast bar looking over his notes while Harry was cooking them dinner and Louis kept looking up at Harry waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Okay Lou what’s wrong? You keep starring, do I have something on my face? In my hair?” Harry asked, putting down the knife he was using to chop vegetables. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Louis asked and Harry’s eyes widened confused “What? What would make you think that?” He asked walking around to sit next to Louis. “It just earlier you seemed so upset and when I tried to make it better you didn’t want to” Louis said not looking up from his notebook. “Lou I’m not breaking up with you, I wasn’t upset earlier and the reason I said no was because it just felt weird” Harry admitted 

“What felt weird?” Louis asked looking up from his notes “That you’d want that just to make me feel good or something, it didn’t feel right and I’d never want you to do anything just to make me happy” he explained taking Louis hand in his “But isn’t that what couples do” Louis said and it came out as more of a statement than a question. 

“No Lou, that’s not what couples do. I’m not sure who’s told you that but if you ever think I’m upset talk to me never think that sex will make me happy or make things better. Yes I do like when we do that stuff but only when you want to not because you think it will make me not upset or something. Never do anything that you don’t want to whether it’s for me; your boyfriend, or for a stranger or for your best friends. Okay please don’t think that sex is the way to end a fight or make me happy” Harry said taking Louis hands in his “I’m sorry” he whispered 

“I don’t want you to apologize because you did nothing wrong, I just wanted to make it clear and that we were on the same page and that I’m not breaking up with you and I really really like you” Harry said and Louis nodded sniffling a bit saying “I really, really like you too” 

“Can I kiss you?” Harry asked and Louis nodded, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck to bring him closer to him. 

The kiss was soft and gentle, Louis could tell how love filled it was, with so much passion and feeling. Harry broke the kiss as soon as he could smell burning chicken. Louis smiled looking down at his notes knowing that Harry wasn’t breaking up with him. 

“My ex” Louis said softly looking over at Harry who had his brows scrunched in confusion. “He’s the one who told me that’s the best way to make someone happy and no one has ever told me otherwise” Louis explained “Whenever he was upset he’d ask me to do stuff and he’d tell me that’s the way things were with every couple and in the end of our relationship he didn’t even have to tell me anymore I’d just do it” he added and he could see the frown on Harry’s face. 

“Were you scared of him?” Harry asking his voice a bit shaky and Louis laughed a bit and closing his eyes 

“Yea, i remember this one time I was at his apartment, I was pretty much living there at that point, but I was in the kitchen and I dropped a cup and it shattered and I remember being so scared of how he’d react and obviously he came running to the kitchen ready to go off on me and I was so fucking terrified because even though it was just a stupid cup and he had this look and it was like he was out for blood. So I started apologizing and saying it wasn’t on purpose and I got down on my knees with the shards of glass cutting into me and I made it better, I have these scars on my knees now” he said laughing at the memory and Harry could tell the laugh wasn’t because it was funny it was filled with so much hate and resentment. 

“I’m so sorry Lou, you didn’t deserve that no one does” Harry said as he felt the tears in his eyes “it’s whatever it’s over now” Louis said brushing it off. “You’re allowed to talk about it and be upset about it” he said taking Louis hands in his “I don’t want to talk about it anymore” Louis said looking away from Harry “That’s okay baby, I’m just glad you trusted me enough to tell me so thank you” he sighed placing kisses on Louis hands 

Louis just blushed before ushering Harry away so he could finish his notes, Harry saw the blush and he just smiled and the tears were now forgotten. 

~

After eating dinner together Louis decided to stay the night, he was tucked under Harry's arm, his head resting on his chest and arm draped over Harry's waist. 

“Lou can I ask you a question?” Harry asked and Louis nodded tilting his head to look up at him. “Just tell me if you don’t want to answer and I’ll drop it” he added, Louis nodded again growing a bit scared. 

“Is it because of your ex that you don’t let me reciprocate the handjobs and blowjobs, because he never did?” He finally asked 

“Partly” Louis mumbled into Harry’s chest “Do you want to tell me the reason?” He asked shyly 

“It’s not that I don’t want to but, Harry you’re so comfortable in not wearing clothes because you’ve got these rock hard abs and all these muscles and i have this big belly and these chunky hips and thighs” he explained while sitting up 

“I’m not sure I understand” Harry said confused and Louis just sighed 

“I’m not comfortable” he breathed “with me?” Harry asked his eyes wide filled with sadness “no baby not you, I’m just not comfortable with my own body specially when I’m constantly comparing myself to you” he sighed laying back down resting his head on Harry’s chest “You think I’m superficial?” He asked “No Harry I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable with my body and showing it off” Louis explained “you have nothing to apologize for, I’m not trying to push you or anything I just wanted to know why, please know that Lou” he said placing kisses in Louis hair “I know baby, I’m just not comfortable being naked” he said sighing 

“What if i don’t look?” Harry asked and Louis snickered “how's that gonna work?” He asked giggling laying down on his back as Harry began kissing his neck

“You always make me feel so good Lou, I want to make you feel good too, please Lou” he begged, kissing right under his ear “Harry” Louis warned but tilted his head giving Harry more access to his neck. 

“Do you trust me?” He asked lips not leaving Louis' neck once. And Louis knew he trusted Harry in a way he’s never trusted anyone before. He had never felt this strongly about any of his exs. Louis hadn’t been touched in that way in a really long time and he was craving someone’s touch. 

“Yes I do” he let out a shaky breath “m’ gonna make you feel so good Lou and if you want to stop just say the word” he said and Louis nodded holding back a moan as Harry nibbles on his neck. 

Harry continued placing soft open mouthed kisses on Louis neck as he ran his hand over the bulge in Louis sweatpants. His hand moving with intent as he could feel Louis cock rise to life under his palm. Harry knew what made Louis uncomfortable so he tried his best avoiding all those spots. He began kissing Louis roughly as his hand went under his boxers softly stroking Louis hard dick. 

Louis was open mouthed panting out quick shallow breaths as Harry gently stroked him. Harry taintivly watched Louis as his eyes shut closed and he breathed warm air onto his skin. 

“You like that?” He asked and Louis just nodded not getting any words out. 

He pulled down Louis pants and boxers just enough to let his dick out and let it spring to life. Louis let out a soft moan as Harry worked Louis cock and sucked small love bites into his neck. Louis couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this good or anyone had made him feel this good and for a minute he thinks no one has ever cared this much about him. No one has cared enough about his pleasure or making sure it felt good for him and he thinks he won’t last much longer. 

He opened his eyes to be met with Harry’s staring right back at him and there was something different in his eyes, something tender and caring. Louis lost his train of thought when Harry pressed his thumb on Louis slip as he began kissing Louis at the same time. He moaned into Harry’s mouth and Harry took it as an invitation to lick into his mouth. 

“Harry I’m close” Louis murmured against Harry's lips and Louis pouted when he could no longer feel Harry’s lips on him. But he gasped when he felt Harry’s warm mouth around his cock as their fingers intertwined. Harry worked his throat bobbing his head up and down as he kept eye contact with Louis the whole time to prove to him he wasn’t looking. And Harry could feel Louis muscles tensing as his breathing got faster and heavier “m’ so close” he moaned into the air and within seconds he was cumming down Harry’s throat. He continued bopping his head as Louis rode out his high. He then tucked Louis back into his boxers and went back up to wrap his arm around Louis' shoulder.

“So good” Louis breathes as he laid his head on Harry’s chest “I’m glad it was good” he whispered back, kissing Louis' forehead. 

“I didn’t know it could feel like that” Louis mumbled “like what baby?” He asked his hand running through Louis hair “Safe” he mumbled 

The simple word broke Harry's heart because now he knew nobody had made it feel safe for Louis. 

“It should always feel safe, I want you to always feel safe” he said to Louis kissing his head “I like the faces you make and the nosies” he added making Louis blush and hide his face in his chest. 

“Nick” Louis said softly “that was his name my ex” he added “I hate the name nick” Harry said his voice filled with bitterness “he use to tell me i needed to lose weight and he’d always comment about what i was wearing or how much I’d be eating and he knew chocolate cake was my favorite but he’d never let me have any” Louis said absentmindedly tracing his fingers up and down harry's chest “I can bake you a chocolate cake” Harry suggested and Louis giggled shaking his head “I don’t like it that much anymore” he lied 

“I hope you didn’t listen to what he said, because you’re so perfect lou, both on the inside and outside, I hope you know that’s baby, all of you is so perfect” Harry murmured against his hair “you haven’t seen all of me” Louis whispered “you’re still perfect to me Lou” he said back running his hand through Louis hair. 

“He made me want to stop living” Louis admitted and Harry’s breath caught in his throat and tears stinging in his eyes. And in that moment he had no idea what to say to Louis. 

Harry had been the first person Louis admitted that to, and he was scared but he could trust Harry.

“I hate him” Louis said kissing Harry’s chest “I hate him too” Harry said softly giving Louis shoulder a small reassuring squeeze 

“I don’t know if you have noticed baby, but you’ve been opening up to me a lot more lately and it really means the world to me” Harry said and Louis blushed softly not knowing what to say because he knew he was opening up for Harry and that terrified him.

It was silent for a couple minutes and Louis could feel harry's heartbeat and it was comforting. His body relaxing further into the plush mattress under him.

“Lou” Harry said causing Louis to look up at him “I think I’m falling for you” he said softly and Louis began to sit up scared of the words that had just left Harry's mouth. But Harry's arm just held him down against his chest “I know you’re scared, but I don’t expect you to feel it back or say it back. I just wanted you to know” he said 

Louis just nodded not saying anything because he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure if he was there yet or if he could say it out loud. Because love always leads to heartbreak. 

Harry knew how scared Louis was and it took a couple minutes before Louis' body was relaxed against Harrys. He just hoped that Louis would know that he really meant what he had said. 

But Harry knew he was past falling, he had already fell.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey i’m so so sorry for the long delay my laptop stopped working and i had so much other stuff going on in my life but i will be trying to update at least once a week from now on. Just a fair warning there will be mentions of homophobia, homophobic slurs and domestic abuse and violence

**Reserved chapter 8**

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me_

Wonderwall - Oasis 

Things were going good, better than Louis had thought. Harry was so good to him and he’d always do everything and anything to make sure Louis was comfortable. He knew what Louis liked and what he did, the boundaries were clear and he stuck to them. 

Their days were filled with cute little dates, Harry picking Louis up from work, buying him sunflowers, watching movies in bed while cuddling, sloppy handjobs and blowjobs, watching Louis study as Harry worked on lyrics, never showing Louis though. 

Louis was more stressed than usual as it was nearing the end of November and finals were coming up. Stress always made Louis urges to self harm a lot stronger because when he was under pressure it would feel like he was spiraling and losing control. But with Harry always with him he had to find some time alone to do it. Sometimes he would get out in the middle of the night to go into the bathroom and run the thin blade over his thighs before joining Harry back in bed again. 

Harry noticed Louis was stressed about school so he made him an at home spa. Harry had sent a driver to pick Louis up from work and in the back seat waiting for him were sunflowers and Louis smiled to himself when he saw it. 

After Louis arrived at Harry’s house, Harry led him to the bathroom where he had made him a milk bath with lavender oil and rose petals. Laying out warm towels and Louis' favorite sweater and sweatpants of Harry’s. 

“You did this for me?” Louis asked confused and Harry nodded smiling “yeah, I know how stressed you’ve been so I just wanted you to have a relaxed evening” he explained and Louis smiled hugging Harry and kissing him all over. 

“Thank you, thank you” Louis said, kissing Harry’s neck, running his hands up and down his chest. Harry softly grabbed Louis wrists to stop them from touching him “Lou baby i did this for you, because I wanted to and because I care about you and I don’t expect nor want anything in return” Harry explained softly knowing where Louis' head was at.

“Just for me?” He asked shyly and Harry nodded 

“You take a nice warm bath now and I’ll be in the bedroom, just come out when you’re ready, I’ll give you a nice foot rub and do a facemask and if you’ll let me I’ll paint your nails a pretty colour” Harry explained giving Louis a kiss on the forehead. He sighed asking “what did I do to deserve you?” 

“That’s the question I ask myself everyday” Harry said giving Louis a peck before leaving the bathroom giving him privacy 

After laying in the bath for a good thirty minutes Louis got out, drying himself off and putting on the clothes Harry had laid out for him. 

“Here’s my little hedgehog” Harry said as Louis exited the bathroom “hedgehog?” He asked with raised brows “Yea cuz you look like one” Harry said causing Louis to frown “then you look like a frog” he argued “no I don’t” Harry protested and annoyed 

“Whatever frog, give me a foot rub now” Louis said as he got into the bed and put his feet on Harry’s lap. Harry pretended to be annoyed but he just got the moisturizer from the bedside table before giving Louis a foot massage. 

After that Harry painted Louis nails a mint green colour that they both loved and after getting his nails done. Harry did his face mask as his head rested on Harry’s thighs. 

”you didn’t have to do all this” Louis tells Harry as his eyes remain shut “I wanted to, I know how stressed you’ve been over finals and I just wanted something nice for you and just for you to relax” Harry explained “you’re too kind” Louis mumbled as Harry ran his fingers through his hair 

“I am not, you just deserve the very best” he explained “have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He asked

Louis knew it was lies, he wasn’t beautiful, none of him was, not his face, his hair, his body, his smile, nothing about him was beautiful. He didn’t say anything he just kept his eyes closed, sighing at Harry's words.

It pained Harry knowing that Louis didn’t see himself the way he did and he just wanted to know what he could do or say to make him realize how perfect he was. He wanted to know who made home believe he’s anything less than perfect.

“You’re so beautiful to me Lou, you really are and I’m so glad I met you” Harry says, making Louis open his eyes and look up to the man above him. “I’m glad I met you too” Louis admitted 

_I love you_ Harry thinks but he can’t say it, not yet he knows how much it would freak Louis out so he doesn’t say it. But he feels it, every part of him feels it and he can feel his heart beat a little faster and his hand get more unsteady as he thinks about it.

“m tired” Louis mumbled, closing his eyes “let me get a washcloth and I’ll take your mask off so we can sleep” Harry said running his fingers through Louis' hair and he just nodded. Louis waited for Harry to come out with a washcloth soaked in warm water and Louis hummed at how good it felt and Harry smiled to himself watching how adorable and relaxed Louis looked. After taking his mask off Harry took some face cream and softly massaged it into Louis skin making him let out a string of purrs. 

“You’re fucking amazing Harry” Louis mumbled eyes closed and relaxed. “Scooch up so you can cuddle me” Harry whined and Louis slowly crawled up the bed and got behind Harry draping his arm around his middle. 

“Thank you” Louis whispered kissing the back of Harry’s neck “Good night Lou” he said back smiling to himself “Good night frog” Louis said feeling himself drift off to sleep 

~

Harry didn’t expect to receive a call from Louis at 6 pm crying into the phone begging him to pick him up from work. Harry couldn’t seem to understand what had happened but nonetheless he drove to the shop as quick as he could to find Louis standing outside in the November cold scratching his nail polish off. 

“Lou baby what’s wrong?” Harry asked wrapping his arms around the crying boy “take me home” he sobbed hiccuping

“Okay baby” he said, taking his bag from him and leading him over to the car. 

“You want to tell me what happened?” Harry asked concerned as he began driving towards Louis' flat. Louis shook his head as sobs escaped his lips and it broke Harry because he never wanted to see his boy like this.

Louis didn’t say anything the whole drive back to his flat only soft sobs escaping his mouth. After walking Louis up to his flat and to his room Louis sat on the bed sobbing looking down at his lap. “Baby what’s wrong?” Harry asked him pulling him into a hug 

“I want to take a shower” Louis mumbled “do you want me to help you?” Harry asked and Louis was quick to shake his head “do you want me to leave?” Harry asked and Louis shook his head again 

“Please stay” he sobbed into Harry’s chest, his sobs broke harry's heart. He could almost physically hear it shatter into a million pieces. 

“I’m not leaving” Harry reassured him rubbing his back to sooth him. 

It took awhile for the tears to stop but not once did Harry yell at Louis and tell him he was being over dramatic, he didn’t stop holding him or whispering soothing words into Louis ear. Louis head was resting on Harry’s chest listening to his heartbeat finally calming down enough to explain 

“There was a guy that came in today and it was normal or whatever and then I guess he saw my nails and then he, he asked if I was a girl and I was confused and he pointed out my nails and then he asked if i was a fag and i didn’t know what to do or say and I just froze and he started yelling and demanding to speak to the manger and i don’t know Harry i just froze and i got so scared” Louis explained. Harry squeezed his eyes shut because fuck did he hate this world. 

“I’m so sorry baby you don't deserve that, no one does. Some people are just dumb in the head, I’m so sorry baby I should of been there” Harry said “You had work, I’m sorry for disturbing you” Louis said realizing he had pulled Harry out of work “no don’t apologize, I would of flown in from the other side of the world just to be here and hold you, no matter what I want you to call me” Harry said to him and Louis nodded 

“I don’t know why I even froze. It's not the first time I’ve been called that and probably not the last either. There been worse situations where I’ve been called it” Louis said “you remember Dylan? Football team Dylan” Louis asked Harry nodded 

“Well he found out I had a crush on him half way through the school year and then I was so embarrassed but he was really nice to me and so I thought maybe he liked me back and one day I was taking a shower in the locker rooms after practice and he was there and when I got out the showers he was being so nice to me but then he pulled my towel off and then his friends had been hiding in the locker rooms too and they took pictures and called me a fag and any other slur you could think of before running off. I cried for weeks after that and I had to talk Zayn out of beating all those boys up. I just don’t get why people hate other people so much” Louis said staring up at the ceiling.

“You should of let Zayn and Dylan is now on the list of people I hate the most right after Nick” Harry said “nobody hurts my baby” he added snuggling closer to Louis 

“How should I add to my list of people who have hurt my baby?” Louis asked Harry “no one really, didn’t have any bad relationships or any Dylan’s” Harry said and Louis nodded 

It was silent for a while and Louis was still in his work clothes and Harry was still in his jeans. None of them wanting to move to mess up the comfortable position they were in. So they laid there all night sleeping in each other's arms. 

~

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon where Louis and Harry were snuggled together in Louis bed. They both were quiet. lost in their own thoughts as they laid side by side with each other 

“do you ever just want to leave the earth?” Louis asked as he stared up at his white ceiling 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked as he turned to his side to face Louis. 

Harry was staring at Louis' profile and just memorizing every little detail about him, storing it in his brain so he’d never forget the sight of him. 

He sighed, turning to face Harry “I don’t want to die, It's just that i don’t want to be on earth anymore. Everything is just so loud and it never stops. I just want to be away from it, even if it’s just for a minute. It’s hard to put it into word, it’s just this feeling I have” 

Harry instinctively reached out his hand tracing the bridge of Louis nose down to his lips and back up to his eyebrows. It was a soft light feathery touch and Louis just closed his eyes letting Harry’s fingers trace his face. 

“Let me take you to the moon then”Harry said, running his fingers through Louis' hair. 

Louis just softly purred leaning into Harry’s touch. 

“You’re silly” he said, giggling a bit. 

Hearing his giggle just made his heart melt and that’s when he knew he was determined to talk Louis to the moon. 

They continued laying there staring at one another taking each other in and Louis had never felt this safe before and he never wanted the moment to end. He would lay here for the rest of his life if he could. But with annoying roommates the moment didn’t last for too long. 

“Lou I want cuddles” Niall whined bursting into Louis room “Oh hey Harry I didn’t know you were here” he added when seeing him “I’m not interrupting anything am I?” He asked 

“Yes” Louis said at the same time and Harry said “no” 

“I choose to listen to Harry” he said, getting in bed between them “So what are you guys doing?” Niall asked looking back and forward between them 

“About to watch a movie, want to join us?” Harry asked and Niall nodded eagerly 

“Why can’t you go to Zayn?” Louis asked with a pout “He has someone over” Niall shrugged as Harry picked a movie they’d watch “so do I” Louis argued “but you two are not having loud sex” he argued back “maybe we were just starting” Louis suggested “please the whole block would be able to hear Harry so you can’t pull that card on me” Naill said laughing making Harry blush 

“Damn you Harry why do you have to be so loud for” Louis teased causing Harry to blush even more “you know the whole time I’ve lived with Louis I’ve never heard him doing anything with a guy, so tell me Harry is he any good? Also I assumed Louis would bottom” Niall said making Harry turn a deeper shade of red. Because they hadn’t had sex or even discussed it really. 

“Niall” Louis said, hitting him on the side of the head “what?” He groaned annoyed at Louis “we haven’t had sex” Harry explained his voice small and shy “then what’s got you moaning that loud all the fucking time?” Niall asked shocked “Niall please shut up” Louis begged “I’m sorry I was wondering, didn’t know my best mate was that good a blow jobs” he mumbled causing Harry to groan in embarrassment. 

“Fine I’ll drop it” Niall said rolling his eyes “You’re going as Lous plus one to my dad's Christmas party right?” Niall asked looking at Harry “What Christmas party?” Harry asked “you haven’t told him?” Niall asked hitting Louis in the chest “I didn’t think he’d want to come” Louis mumbled “of course I’d love to, if you want me to follow” Harry said shyly and Louis nodded blushing. “Great that’s sorted then” Niall said with a massive grin 

“Let’s watch the movie now” Louis said turning on his back and Harry pressed play with his arm around Niall and Niall's head on Harry’s chest. “I want cuddles too” Louis pouted “you get him all night” Niall argued like a child “how about I get in the middle and you both get snuggles?” Harry suggested and Louis rolled his eyes mumbling fine. 

Harry couldn’t help but smile as he watched Louis snuggled into his side with his face against his neck tracing figures on Harry’s stomach. Niall looked over at Louis who had his eyes closed not paying attention to the movie and he had never felt happier for his best friend. 

“Do you guys want me to leave?” Niall asked shyly and Louis just put his arm on nialls saying simply “Stay, you make the room warmer” and Niall laughed a bit shaking his head. 

“You don’t mind me cuddling your boyfriend?” He asked teasingly “No at the end of the day it’s my name he’s moaning when cumming” Louis said with a shrug “Louis” Harry whined embarrassed “it’s the truth babe” he said softly kissing Harry’s neck 

“I like you Harry, way more than anyone Louis has been with. Nick would never let me cuddle with him and Louis, he’d barley let us see Louis in fact” Niall said mumbling the last but and Louis just pinched nialls arm causing a small yelp from Niall 

“No more talking, we’re watching a movie” Louis said and Niall nodded looking back at the tv. Harry placed a reassuring kiss to Louis’ forehead making him relax a bit. 

The movie had ended and Niall looked over to Louis he was fast asleep on Harry’s chest and Harry looked seconds away from falling asleep. “I should leave you two to it” niall said to Harry 

“No no, I think Louis would be happy to wake up next to you, i'm gonna have to get going i have to leave for Manchester really early so you should stay keep him company” Harry suggests and Niall nodded smiling “you really care about him” he said “Yes i really do, don’t tell him but I’m pretty sure I love him” Harry said running his fingers through Louis hair 

“I could tell” he said with a smirk and Harry gave him an ‘oh how so?’ Look 

“Just the way you take care of him, make sure he’s doing okay and how you look at him, and when he tells me and Zayn about how you treat him and he told us about the spa night and how you held him after that guy came into the shop calling him a bunch of stuff and how you calmed him down and that you do everything to make him feel comfortable” Niall explained the smile not leaving Harry’s face once 

“To be fair I think he might be in love with you too but you didn’t hear it from me” Niall warned. Harry nodded his smile lighting up the whole room. 

“Give my boy some proper cuddles and keep him warm for me, and when he wakes up tell him I miss him and I’ll see him soon. And tell him that I’m gonna take him to the moon as soon as I get back” Harry explained to Niall who looked skeptical “the moon?” He asked and Harry nodded. 

He placed a kiss on Louis' cheek before getting out of the bed and letting himself out of the bedroom.

~

“Harry where you taking me” Louis giggled as Harry had his hands covering Louis eyes leading him into a room “I told you to the moon” he said “Harry” Louis whined “we’re literally here just stop whining for a second and please keep your eyes closed” Harry begged. Louis mumbled fine crossing his arms over his chest like a child, he could hear Harry shuffling around the room and what sounded like a light switch. 

“Open your eyes” Harry said taking Louis hand in his. Louis opened his eyes to an empty room with stars and a purple galaxy projecting off of the walls and ceiling, the colors were shifting from purple to green to blue and back to purple. In the middle of the room was a mattress with a bunch of pillows and blankets 

“Welcome to the moon” Harry said with his arms out and Louis smiled blushing “I have no fucking idea what i did to deserve you Harry” he said tears welling up in his eyes 

“Don’t cry baby, to be fair I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve you and this isn’t too much all I did was get a mattress in here and ordered some projecting lights that’s all baby. I wish I could actually take you to the moon” Harry explained as he wiped away the tears running down Louis' cheeks. “Let’s lay down baby” he said, taking Louis' arm and walking over to the mattress. 

Hand in hand they laid there looking at the stars projecting on the ceiling and Louis was so overwhelmed. Harry was always going above and beyond just to make Louis happy and he had never experienced that before.

“Thank you for this Harry and for everything you’ve done for me” Louis whispered giving Harry a quick peck “Don’t thank me baby, I’d do this for you for the rest of my life if I could” he said shyly

“I’m scared” Louis admitted “I know you are but just one day at a time” he reassured him 

“My last relationship was a lot different to this” Louis said softly “is it a good thing?” He asked and Louis nodded 

“You treat me so well and he never did” Louis admitted “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be talking about him, specially when you did all of this for me” Louis apologized 

“No no I want you to talk to me and if you want to tell me about him I’ll listen” Harry explained 

“He’d never let me hang out with Niall and Zayn, he convinced me that they wanted to break us up which wasn’t a lie I guess but he had me so convinced that they weren’t good and he kinda made me cut them off completely just so he could have me to himself and that’s I’d have no one to run off to and tell what he’d do” Louis explained “so when you let Niall get in bed with us to cuddle i was surprised because he would of never allowed another guy to touch me let alone be in the same bed with me” he added “it’s not just some guy it’s niall he’s one of your best friends and I know nothing would happen whether it was Niall, Zayn or another guy trust you Lou” Harry explained 

“I know but he wasn’t like that he would never let me no matter who it was” Louis sighed 

“What would he do?” Harry asked cautiously 

“He’d always yell at me for the smallest things and he’d make me feel really stupid and like my feelings were invalid. I’d ask him to come meet my family and he'd always make up excuses and my family means everything to me but he never cared. He’d get angry at me whenever he messed up and I couldn’t talk back or anything because it would just get worse” he explained and Harry was quiet just listening to what Louis had to say 

“He’d make me do things, things I didn’t want to do. And he didn’t really care about my opinion if he wanted it he would get it whether we were home, or I was studying for exams or if we were at a restaurant or just at the park he would always have his way. He’d do stuff without asking if I wanted to or if I liked it and he didn’t care if it hurt or not. That’s why I was so surprised when you asked permission for the slightest things and it was also why i said it felt safe with you because it never did with him. 

It wasn’t only the sex stuff i told you he’d yell at me and all that but then he started to like pinch me and I know how silly that sounds but it was the beginning of the end and at first I thought he was just joking around but it’d actually hurt and then he began gripping my arm and writs really tight until it left bruises and when he’d drink he’d press his fingers into my bruises just to see my cry. And it was like he got off on my crying because then he’d make me have sex with him” 

Harry didn’t know when he had begun crying but the tears didn’t stop. He couldn’t understand why anyone would do that to Louis or any other person. He was too pure for this world and all he got in return was so much hurt.

“What made you leave?” Harry asked voice breaking “One night I was at the library studying and when I got home he was with another guy and obviously I was angry because I put up with so much just for him to cheat so I yelled and I knew I shouldn’t of had and when the guy left he just kinda went off on me and it wasn’t pinches and tight grips anymore he started hitting me with closed fists and all. I don’t remember much of it I blacked out and when I woke up I couldn’t really move and beating the living shit out of me wasn’t enough he had to….he fuck i can’t even say it” Louis said angry at himself for not being able to say it 

“It’s okay Lou you don’t have to” Harry reassured him trying his best to keep a steady voice 

“After I called Zayn, him and Niall came and picked me up and took me to hospital and I’m so glad nick wasn’t there when they arrived because I thinks Zayn would of actually killed him” Louis said “he should of” Harry said referring to Zayn killing nick 

“I never really told anyone else, Zayn and Niall know what happened that night but I never told them about the other stuff like controlling what I ate and making me do stuff, they thought it was the first time” Louis explained 

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me lou” Harry said giving his hand a soft squeeze 

“You make me feel safe” he admitted “I’m glad I do i want you to always feel safe with me” 

“I really hate him and what he did” Louis said “you’re allowed to. You have every right to hate him and what he did” Harry reassured “Can I ask you a question?” Harry asked. Louis nodded knowing what the question would be.

“Why did you stay so long?” He asked after a moment of suspense “it wasn’t always bad you know? He would take me on dates and he would be nice to me and he would always apologize after he got angry and promise me it wouldn’t happen again and i was just so in love with him. You’re probably thinking how stupid I am” he said with a sigh 

“No lou I could never think that, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship so I can’t speak for it and I know saying you’d leave is easier said than done. I'm not judging you for staying” he explained and Louis nodded sighing 

“I just get so angry thinking about it, for letting someone treat me like that, it’s so frustrating I just want want to fucking break something” Louis sighed “Let’s go” Harry said standing up taking Louis hand 

“Where we going?” He asked trailing behind Harry as he led them to the kitchen. Harry didn’t answer until they arrived at the kitchen taking out a few plates and glasses.

“Break them” he said to Louis who was still confused “no I’m not breaking it” he objected “come on let out your anger” Harry insisted and he took a few please’ and kisses to convince Louis to follow him outside and smash the plates. 

At first Louis was scared he loosely threw the first plate Harry handed him but seeing the plate smash gave him some sort of adrenaline rush. The next plate he threw with more force and the one after with intent. The smile crept on to his face as Harry kept handing him plates and glass to smash against the pavement. 

“We’re out” Harry said as Louis stretched out his hand asking for another “what?” He asked confused 

“We’ve broken all my plates and glass cups” Harry explained and Louis eyes widened 

“Shit Harry I’m sorry” he said hugging around his middle “Don’t say sorry it was nice seeing you take out your anger, did it make you feel better?” He asked and Louis nodded 

“Let’s go back inside i want to give you a blow job on the moon” Louis mumbled against Harrys chest giving him small bites on his chest 

“Shit Lou I love you” he said kissing the top of Louis' head and when he felt Louis' body stiffen he had realized what he had said.

Louis could feel his heart sink into his chest and it feel like there was a weight on his chest pushing him down into the ground and there was nothing he wanted more other than to let the ground swallow him whole. Harry couldn’t be in love with him, why would he be? What was there to love. The last time someone told Louis they loved him it ended with 3 broken ribs, 8 stitches in his head, a black eye and busted lip. 

“I think I should head home, it's getting pretty late” Louis said, removing himself from Harry's arms “Lou please don’t leave, I don't need you to say it back or even feel it right now or anything like that. But I just needed you to know” Harry begged hoping Louis would stay with him “I really want to go home” he said and Harry nodded understanding 

“Can you at least let me drive you home?” Harry asked and Louis nodded trying to focus on his breathing. 

“I didn’t say it just because you said you’d get me off” Harry clarified “Harry I just want to go home okay?” Louis asked, growing annoyed and Harry nodded sadness filled in his eyes.

After gathering his stuff Louis followed Harry out to the car and it was awkward Louis could feel the tension in the air. The whole car journey was quiet not a single word from either of them, Harry chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. 

“Why?” He asked and Harry looked at him confused asking “why what?” 

“Why do you love me?” Louis clarified 

“There’s a lot of reasons why I do, you’re kind hearted, you’re passionate, you’re funny and you never fail to make me laugh, you make me feel safe and you’re not afraid to speak up or call me or anyone else out. you make me smile, I look forward to seeing your face or just hearing your voice” Harry explained a smile not leaving his face “and your smile, I love your smile and i love seeing you smile Lou, i don’t think even the sun could compete with your smile” he added causing Louis to look at him with glassy eyes 

“You can’t just say you love me, because love is an overused word that people throw around without actually meaning it” Louis said his voice breaking 

“But I do Lou, I love you, I’m in love with you” Harry whispered “i don’t expect you to say it back or even feel it I know what you feel about love and all that but i just needed to tell you and for you to know it” he explained taking Louis hand into his 

“And you’re okay with me not saying it back?” He asked and Harry nodded 

“Thank you” Louis said giving Harry a peck “call me tomorrow?” Harry asked and Louis nodded blushing feeling like a school boy again 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I hope you have a great nights sleep” Harry said kissing Louis again “you too” he whispered back against harrys lips 

“I love you” Harry said as Louis left the car looking back to give him a smile. 

Louis waited until Harry drove off before entering the building and when arriving at the flat he kicked his shoes off, walking straight to the living room. Niall has his head deep into a law book his hair messy and looking frustrated and he read the book while Zayn was seated next to him on the couch sketching something in his book 

“You’re back early weren’t you going to the moon?” Niall asked and Zayn was confused asking “the moon?”

“It doesn’t matter but Harry said he loves me” Louis said, not bothering to explain the moon. “He what?” Zayn asked putting down his sketching book on the table “What did you say?” Niall asked just as shocked as Zayn “that I wanted to go home” Louis mumbled 

“You what?” Niall asked even more shocked “don’t yell it’s not gonna help, it’s okay if you’re not ready lou” Zayn explained 

“I think we all know he feels it” Niall scoffed rolling his eyes “it’s not that easy to say” Zayn explained “it is it’s 4 words” Niall said still confused at why it was so hard “it’s 3 you idiot” Zayn said “how did you even get into law school” Louis mumbled 

“You know it’s okay if your head needs more time accepting something your heart already knows” Zayn said looking at Louis knowing exactly what he needed to hear right now “you don’t have to say it back now or never if you don’t want to don’t feel pressured to” he added 

“He said that too, that I don’t have to say it back” Louis whispered fumbling with his fingers because he was so god damn anxious. The last person who has said that to him didn’t mean it not one bit so how was he supposed to believe Harry meant it. There was absolutely no reason for Harry to mean those words; there was nothing to love about Louis, even Nick himself had said it. 

“I need to take a shower” Louis said abruptly standing up from the loveseat leaving a conflicted Zayn and Niall.

“Ni if I ask you something will you promise to not tell Lou?” Zayn whispered looking over at niall “You know how I’m with secrets” Niall whispered back feeling a bit unsure. “Have you noticed something off about Harry?” Zayn asked and Niall tilted his head, eyes wandering to the left corner trying to think about it. He finally answered with a shrug and shake of the head. “I don’t know it’s just he gets so weird when you ask about some stuff like his work and it just worries me how much he hangs out with Louis they’re never apart for more than a day, I’m scared it’s going to turn out like Nick again” Zayn explained his concerns 

“I think you’re looking into it, we’ve never seen Lou this happy about someone and he treats him so well and Louis happy maybe he just finds his job boring and that’s why he doesn't talk about it I think he genuinely loves Louis” Niall said defending Harry “nah mate there’s something off about him” Zayn disagreed “let it be” Niall warned “we’re having that dinner anyway with Harry and his friend maybe I can dig out information and we’ll finally see where he lives and that’ll give us insight” Zayn said and Niall shook his head saying “you’re on your own for this one” 

“I will get to the bottom of this” Zayn said as Niall got off from the couch walking to his room while shaking his head disapprovingly. 

But Zayn knew that something was off and he had promised himself he’d get to the bottom of it.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoy this chapter i would love to hear your thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is just kinda of a filler and a bit of fluff but it’s leading up to something that’s why it’s important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u enjoy this one sorry for the delay the next chapter should be up within the hourn

_ And I need you to know that we're fallin' so fast _

_ We're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love _

_ And I'm not scared to say those words with you, I'm safe _

Falling like the stars - James Arthur 

Louis wasn’t lying when he said he’d never get used to Harry telling him he loves him. The second time Harry had said it was when he was dropping Louis off at work the day after and Louis felt his heart sink in his chest. The words left harry's mouth a bit too easy according to louis. 

“I mean it Lou” he said to him and Louis didn’t acknowledge it instead just giving Harry a quick peck. 

It became a daily occurrence and Louis got the same feeling he had when Harry first said it, surprised, overwhelmed, anxious that one day he would stop meaning it. 

Every time Harry said the three words, his voice sincere and his eyes soft, and Louis couldn’t quite believe it, how someone like harry could love someone like him. How could Harry look at Louis' wonky smile, his chubby cheeks, his humongous thighs, his gut hanging over his waistband on his jeans, and still love him? It didn’t make sense none of it did, there was no way that Harry was actually in love with him. But Louis didn’t say snitching, kept his insecurities to himself but Harry noticed how he winced whenever he said the words. But he didn’t say anything either and the days went on.

-

“Lou I’m bored” Harry whined clinging onto Louis “just give another hour I really need to study” Louis said giving him a quick peck. 

Harry just sighed, kissing Louis’ neck before laying down on the couch. 

“Don’t you find it boring?” Harry asked “somewhat I’d love to graduate with a degree so I have to study Harry” Louis said sighing a bit annoyed 

“But you’ve been studying for the past two hours isn’t it enough for today?” Harry whined “No it’s not” Louis snapped 

“I’m sorry this is just really important to me Harry” Louis sighed trying to explain “I get it but it’s just boring for me” Harry said “you can go watch tv or something” Louis said growing more annoyed with each second that passed “but I want to cuddle with you” Harry pouted “well I can’t right now” Louis said “boring” Harry said In a playful manner but it was enough to set off Louis. 

“I’m sorry Harry that I can’t be at your beck and call every second of everyday, I have exams coming up that are really important and I need to study so if that makes me boring then I guess I’m boring” Louis said raising his voice “that’s not what I meant” Harry said his voice small 

“What else did you mean then? Some of us have to go to uni and work for the stuff we want not all of us can work for dads company at a young age and get everything we want in life and get a mansion just by asking your parents. Not all of us are spoiled brats” Louis snaped annoyed at Harry “I’ve worked hard for everything I have Lou you don’t get to call me a spoiled brat” Harry argued getting angry with Louis words 

“I can’t deal with this I’m just gonna go” Louis breathed closing up his text book “no you don’t get to pick a fight and then just leave” Harry said standing up from the couch “I’m not the one picking a fight you are” Louis argued back. “I understand if you don’t understand but it’s important to me okay? And I told you I needed to study and you begged me to come over and said you wouldn’t mind watching me study and you can’t even keep that and respect me enough to let me study in peace” Louis explained 

“I know that it’s important to you” Harry argued “if you did then we wouldn’t be standing here arguing” Louis sighed “you’re the one arguing it was a just a joke” Harry says 

“It’s not just a fucking joke Harry it’s my fucking future this is about and i really need to study so I’m gonna leave and I just need you to fucking leave me alone for like 10 minutes I can’t be by your side all the time” Louis said raising his voice causing Harrys eyes to go wide and Louis could see how much his words affected Harry. 

“Good night” Louis huffed as he shoved his books in his book bag. “Goodnight” Harry mumbled, not bothering to walk Louis out. 

After Louis arrived back at the flat he put his book bag down grabbing his towel. He needed to get his anger out and it was all he could think about the whole journey back to the flat. He didn’t bother with saying hi to the others knowing they’d have their heads I’m their books studying. 

Louis searched through his sock drawer for the package of razors he hid, taking a new one out before walking over to the bathroom. After disposing of this clothes he looked at his thigh covered in cuts and he hesitated because he hadn’t in a while, with Harry constantly around he didn’t really have the chance to. 

Louis tried to steady his hands and he ran the blade across his left thigh closing his eyes remembering how good it actually felt. A rush of adrenaline surging through his body making him cut in faster succession. 

After finishing he looked down at his blood covered thighs and there was a hint of regret but it was soon gone realizing he could step under the warm water and feel the sting he had grown to love. 

After stepping out the shower and changing into a pair of sweatpants and hoodie Harry had left behind. It had been the first time in a while he’d slept apart from Harry it felt weird not having him around. Like something missing and it left a big aching void in louis chest. 

He knew he probably overreacted , all that was running through his head were the different ways he’d be punished for his outburst on Harry. It’d been their first fight and not knowing how Harry would react was probably the scariest bit.

Louis would be willing to take anything Harry threw his way as long as he stayed. Louis crawled into bed pulling his teddy bear closer to his chest and it wasn’t like spooning Harry and it wasn’t warm, there wasn’t a heartbeat he could feel and it wasn’t his Harry. 

“Lou?” Zayn asked from outside the door before opening it and walking in. “What’s wrong I thought you were at harrys?” Zayn asked walking over to the bed “he’s gonna break up with me” Louis whispered and Zayn was confused “why? Who said that?” He asked 

“We got into a fight and I yelled at him” Louis admitted “that doesn’t mean he’s gonna break up with you” Zayn tried reassuring him “ couples fight” he added 

“I don’t want to think about it” Louis said, turning to the other side away from Zayn. Zayn sighed before getting into bed with Louis knowing he wanted to be held so that’s what he did as Louis softly sobbed into his bear.

The door softly creaked open and Louis didn’t even bother to look up knowing it was Niall who wanted to join them. “You okay boobear?” He heard Niall ask and Louis nodded sniffling into his teddy bear. 

Zayn let go of Louis and his arms were replaced with a pair of strong arms that Louis had grown used to over the past few months and he was confused. “Haz?” He hiccuped into the teddy. Harry just wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulders and placed soft kisses on the smaller boys shoulder.

Louis turned around in harrys arms pulling himself closer to Harry and burying his face in his chest taking in Harry scent. “Please don’t leave” he hiccuped 

Harry placed a soft kiss on the crying boys forehead as he rubbed his back trying to sooth him. “I’m sorry for being so rude I know how much stress you’re under and i should of taken it into consideration” Harry said

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, please don’t be mad” Louis said “I could never be mad at you and it was my fault I should of just let you study instead of being needy prick” he reassured 

“But I said all those mean thing, I’m so sorry Harry please don’t leave me i'll do anything just don’t go” Louis sobbed and Harrys heart ached hearing those words because he hadn’t planned on leaving it was just a stupid little argument. 

This was another reminder of how bad louis previous relationships where and Harry never wanted to make Louis feel like this ever.

“I love you Louis and I’m not leaving you, it was just a silly argument that was all my fault I know how important this is for you so baby please don’t cry I’m not going anywhere I’m here to stay” Harry reassured him “how about we take a nap, let you pretty little head rest? You’ve had a long day” Harry suggested and Louis nodded “then when you wake up If you’re up to it I can help you study like quiz you and stuff” he suggested and Louis just nodded trying to pull Harry closer to him “thank you” he whispered against harrys chest.

“You don’t have to thank me it’s nothing, it’s what I should of done from the start” he explained and Louis just nodded nuzzling his face into Harry’s chest 

“You look so good in my clothes” Harry said “I didn’t want to sleep without you” Louis admitted 

“Boobear?” Harry asked smiling and looking down at Louis “stop” he groaned embarrassed “it’s cute” Harry said placing a soft kiss on his forehead 

-

Louis was lying in Harry's arms in his bed reading poems while Harry watched a show on his phone with his headphones on, in order to not disturb Louis studying. Louis put down the poems he was reading and wrapped his arms around Harry's middle, catching his attention. 

“Everything okay?” Harry asked, pausing his show and putting his phone down. 

“Yea, I just wanted to ask something” Louis says shyly Harry reassured him with a smile and saying “you can ask me anything” 

“I was thinking since you used to work in a bakery and all maybe you could bake a chocolate cake with me?” Louis asked. “You said you didn’t like chocolate cake” Harry said with a frown “I’m sorry it was stupid” Louis said embarrassed picking up his poems again “no no I’m sorry we can do that, I’m really happy you asked” he said taking the poems out of Louis hand and put it down. 

“We’re gonna bake the best chocolate cake you’ve ever tasted” Harry said getting off the bed “let’s go” he said looking at Louis who was smiling and blushing. After taking Louis' hand in his and sprinting down the stairs to the kitchen as he pulled out the ingredients needed and placed them on the counter. 

“I love baking” Harry said, kissing Louis in the midst of pulling out all the stuff he needed. “I can tell” Louis says while snickering to himself. 

Harry was constantly telling Louis what to do and how to mix the batter properly and kissing Louis whenever he rolled his eyes and insisted there’s not a right or wrong way to mix a batter. 

“Here taste” Harry said dipping his finger in the mix “you want me to lick your finger” Louis asked with raised brows, as he was seated on the kitchen counter. 

“Not like that, i can get a spoon if you want” Harry said but Louis shook his head grabbing harry's hand. Looking Harry in the eyes taking the finger into his mouth howling his cheeks and sucking on Harry’s finger longer than he needed to. 

“You’re such a tease” Harry said taking away his finger “you’re the one who asked me to suck your finger” Louis fired back “I told you to taste not to give my finger a blowjob, how did it taste?” He asked “good, it’s been long since I’ve had chocolate cake” Louis admitted 

“We had it when we went to that diner” Harry said and Louis just nodded. 

Because he barely took a bite out of the cake and talked most of the time letting Harry eat all of it.

“Thank you for this” Louis said pulling Harry in for a kiss “no need to thank me I think I’m having more fun than you are” Harry admitted “how about you put it in the oven and meet me on the couch and make out with me” Louis suggested “but we have to make icing” Harry pouted 

“You’re choosing to make icing over making out with me?” Louis asked with an amused smile. “No no of course not but we can only make out for 10 minutes but then we have to make icing” Harry said “deal” Louis agreed getting off the counter and running towards the couch. Harry joined him a couple minutes later after putting the cake in the oven. 

“When is that Christmas charity ball?” Harry asked running his hand through Louis hair “no talking” Louis whined “you’re riled up aren't you? But I need to know because I might have a work thing” Harry explained “it’s on the 18th, and i was meaning to ask you my last final is on the 17th maybe, me niall zayn and some others are gonna go out and celebrate then if you want you could follow us” Louis said shyly 

“Yes of course i’d love to go you with you guys, but I’ll have to check my schedule for the charity event i think I might have a thing on the 18th” Harry said his heart sinking a bit 

“but it’s a Saturday” Louis said with a frown “I know I’ll check it up and see if I can move it okay?” Harry said “You don't have to blow off work for me” Louis said “I don’t want to miss the opportunity of seeing you in a suit” he said as he began to kiss Louis “you can see me in a suit another time” Louis mumbled against his lips not wanting to break the kiss

“you do want me there right?” Harry asked, pulling away from the kiss with an unsure look on his face “of course I want to show you off and tell everyone that you’re mine, but I don’t want you to ditch work for me” Louis explained “don’t worry about it, I want to be there and I want to see you look hot in your suit and hold your hand and kiss you” Harry said causing Louis to giggle and blush “all this talking is cutting into our make out time” Louis whined as he began to kiss harry's neck “you’re like horny 16 year old” Harry giggles “only for you” Louis said before reconnecting their lips.

After making out on the couch for longer than intended and rushing to get the cake out after the timer went off. They stood in the kitchen Harry making icing while Louis cleaned up The Beatles blasting from the speakers as they danced as they stole kisses once and again.

“Do you want to spend New Years with me?” Louis asked as they sat on the couch with a slice of chocolate cake each.

“What?” Harry asked shocked “I just- I know we’re not gonna spend the whole of Christmas together and you’re gonna be with your family and I’ll be with mine I’m just saying it would be nice if we could be together for New Years” Louis rambled shyly

“of course i'd love that babe and the we could exchange gifts then and you could get your birthday present too” Harry said overly excited “I was thinking maybe you could meet my mum and siblings then?” Louis said blushing “you want that?” He asked surprised and Louis nodded blushing 

“Yes of course i'd love to meet them and I could come to Doncaster and we could be there over New Years and then drive down to my mum and you could meet my mum” Harry suggested and Louis nodded tears forming in his eyes “what’s wrong?” Harry asked shocked “I’m sorry it’s so silly” Louis said biting his lip trying to hold back his tears “No it’s not you can tell me you know?” Harry said 

Louis sighed nodding “it’s just nick never wanted to meet my family and it’s just that you want to and you’re looking forward to it” Louis whispered “of course Lou i know how much they mean to you and that makes them important to me too” Harry explained placing a soft kiss on Louis cheek “thank you” he breathed

“I love you” Harry said 

“I’m not in the mood for cake anymore” Louis said, taking his and Harry's plate and putting it on the coffee table. “Oh really?” Harry said with a grin “mmhm” Louis mumbled as he attached his lips to Harrys neck

-

Harry looked at the sleeping Louis in his arms his face pressed against his chest and soft snores escaped from his mouth. He slowly got out of bed taking his phone with him and going downstairs to kitchen getting himself some cake and a glass of milk. 

After sitting down and dialing liams number and waiting for an answer. “Li i fucked up” was the first thing he said “Is everything alright?” He asked half asleep

Harry sighed saying “no I fucked up, you know the performance I have at that private charity party? It’s the same night as Louis party and he wants me to go and I want to go too” Harry said “you can’t back out your performance” Liam explained “I know” he sighed “what is the party anyways?” Liam asked curious “I’m not sure it’s niall's dad who’s hosting it” he explained “what kind of party is it? Could you maybe arrive later?” He suggested 

“It’s a charity Christmas party, I’m not sure I could ask louis” Harry explained “Hear me out okay, just follow me on this okay?” Liam said and Harry nodded as if Liam could see him “maybe just maybe the charity party you’re playing at is the same charity party Louis invited to you” Liam suggested 

“Wait you don’t think?” Harry asked wide eyed “what are the odds that there’s two charity parties in London on the same night?” Liam asked “wait how could I be so fucking dumb shit Liam what do I do?” He frantically asked “you have to tell him” he said 

“I know but I just don’t know how? Things are so good and he’s stressed over final exams right now and it would feel messed up to tell him now” Harry explained “as soon as he’s done with exams you tell him okay?” Liam warmed “he’s gonna hate me isn’t he?” He asked softly 

“I hope not” Liam said sighing over the mess his best friend had gotten himself into “Harry?” Louis asked rubbing the back of his hands over his eyes and yawning. 

“I’m here baby” he said taking Louis into his arms as soon as he came over to him “come back to bed” Louis murmured against Harrys neck “I’m just on the phone with Liam babe and I didn’t want to wake you up” he said “Liam leave my boyfriend alone” he said to the phone pressed against harrys ear causing both Liam and Harry to chuckle 

“Go back to bed I’ll be there soon” Harry reassured Louis and he nodded giving him a kiss “you taste like chocolate” Louis giggled “i was eating cake” he explained “I’ll be up in a minute, love you” Harry said giving him a quick peck “be quick” Louis said before turning around and leaving the kitchen 

“I love you huh” Liam huffed “I do” Harry stated “I never said you didn’t buy maybe it’s too early? Has he said it back?” Liam asked “he’s not there yet and I respect that I don’t need him to say it back” Harry said “Have you guys had sex yet?” Liam bluntly asked “That’s none of your business” Harry hissed 

“I’ll take that as a no, maybe he’s just stringing you along” he said “he’s not” Harry siad annoyed “whatever it is you need to tell him about everything real soon and it’s already bad enough you’ve told the boy that you love him” Liam explained 

“He wants me to meet his family” Harry said after a moment of silence and Liam just sighed into the phone “what are we going to do with you harry” he asked 

Harry let out a bitter chuckle “he’s gonna hate me, isn’t he?”

“He probably is” Liam said “thanks for the help” he stated sarcastically “good night Harry” Liam said not bothering to say much else “good night” he said back before hanging up. 

After placing the dirty dishes in the sink he went back up to bed and as soon as he laid down he could feel louis behind him wrapping his small arms around harry's much larger body. He brought Louis hand up to his lips placing a soft kiss before letting it go after. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has smut and it’s very explicit i guess. If your not comfortable with that then of course you don’t have to read it, there will be a summary with the next chapter just so you know what you’ve missed.

_‘Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections_

John Legend 

“We’re having dinner tonight with Harry and his friends right?” Zayn asked as Louis was getting ready to leave “Yea sure, I’ll text you” he said before walking out the flat door and down to where Harry was waiting for him in his car. 

“Hey, you alright?” Harry asked, seeing the frown on Louis' face “can we just blow off the dinner and turn off our phones and forget the world?” Louis asked looking exhausted “is everything okay?” Harry asked concerned “Yeah I just really want to be with you tonight just the two of us, nothing really happened I’m just in a mood” Louis admitted “of course babe anything for you” Harry said leaning over to give Louis a quick peck “if you really want to have the dinner we could still do it” Louis said shyly 

“No no I want to be with you and cuddle you all night and maybe turn that frown upside down?” Harry said poking Louis cheek causing him to giggle “I’ll text Zayn and Niall” Louis said taking his phone out and sending off a quick text saying they’d have dinner another night and Harry doing the same to Liam. 

“Do you want to buy dinner? Or cook something together?” Harry asked as he began to drive “can we order in?” He asked shyly and Harry nodded taking Louis' hand in his.

The drive was pretty quiet filled with a comfortable silence. Harry placed occasional kisses on Louis' hand and giving him a reassuring squeeze. 

As soon as arriving they placed their phones by the front door, turning them off and going up to Harry's room. Louis said he didn’t want to watch a movie and just wanted to be held by Harry. Harry obliged pulling Louis towards his chest and wrapping his arm around his chest and placing soft kisses on his neck. 

“I love you, you know that right?” Harry asked looking at Louis who had his eyes closed “I’m scared” Louis whispered “about what?” Harry asked 

“That you’re gonna stop” he admitted and Harry was taken aback by the words. 

It was the first time louis has acknowledged Harry telling him that he loved him. “Love just doesn’t stop” Harry explained “it does, it’s happened before” Louis explained. “I’m scared to show you all of me and then you’re going to regret ever saying those words” he explained 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked confused “I want you” he explained and it didn’t seem to help Harry's confusion. “I want you too” he said back with raised brows. 

“I don’t like my body” Louis stated and that’s when it finally clicked for Harry. “You think I’m gonna stop loving you if I see you without your clothes on?” Harry asked surprised 

“Im scared that you’re going to regret saying it” Louis explained his thought process “it doesn’t work like that, I don’t care how you look under your clothes, I love you for you and when you do decide to show me all of you I know I’ll love it” Harry explained 

“It’s just I've never been the thinnest” Louis sighed “do you really think I’d care about that?” Harry asked his eyes looking soft but somewhat offended and Louis couldn’t understand how someone’s eyes could look so soft and caring.

“No it’s just me and it’s just that I compare to everyone around me, to you, to Niall and Zayn. And I’ve tried to lose it but nothing ever seems to work for me and I have scars” Louis explained but whispering the last part hoping Harry wouldn’t catch on.

“Lou baby you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with I have no problem with waiting” Harry explained 

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever be comfortable with showing my body but I want this Harry” Louis said turning over to face Harry 

“You want to do this?” He asked surprised and Louis nodded “tonight?” 

Louis nodded again taking a deep breath and Harry froze in the spot not sure what to do or say. “Kiss me” Louis said snicker a bit to himself “Lou are you sure about this, i don’t want you to feel rushed or anything” Harry said

“I want this I’m sure about this” Louis said and Harry nodded saying “if there’s anything you don’t want me to do or makes you uncomfortable please tell me”

Louis nodded adjoining their lips again and putting his hands in harrys hair sighing into the kiss. Harry wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulders pulling him closer to him. Louis fingers found the hem of Harry's t-shirt gently tugging it and Harry knew that meant to take it off. Harry momentarily broke the kiss to remove his shirt earning a whine from Louis. 

Louis rolled one of Harry’s nipples between his thumb and pointer finger causing Harry to moan into the kiss. Harry's hand found its way from Louis to his waist and Louis could feel his heart beat faster and his body go stiff. All he wanted to do was pull away so Harry doesn’t feel the fat under his hand, so that Harry won’t be repulsed by his body. 

When harry's hand snaked its way under Louis hoodie he flinched away breaking the kiss and moving away from harry's wandering hands. 

“I’m so sorry, I should have asked” Harry apologized not sure where to put his hands. “I’m so sorry” Louis said with tears visible in his eyes as he sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

“No you have nothing to apologize for, I moved too fast and Louis I don’t want you do anything you’re not comfortable with just to please me and if you’re not ready that’s fine I’ll wait the rest of my life if I have to” he explained 

Louis cringed at harrys words bringing his knees up to his chest “don’t” Louis simply stated “don’t what?” Harry asked confused to why louis looked like he’d be sick any minute now 

“Don’t act like you’ll stick around for that long” Louis said throwing Harry a bitter look “Lou I want to stick around for that long you’re the one who doesn’t want me too” Harry argued 

Louis just nodded not meeting Harrys eyes just staring ahead at the tv not saying anything. Harry sat down in front of him so Louis had no choice but to look at him. 

“Lou can I ask you something?” Harry asked and he took Louis silence as a yes “you said you had scars” Harry blurted out his heart beating a million miles per minute and all he can hear is his heart thumping in his ears.

But he can see how Louis' breath catches and as he tries to find anything to focus on that isn’t Harrys face. “I never said that” Louis lied causing Harry to sigh ”please don’t lie to me Lou” he sighed 

“Can we go back to making out, I liked that much more” Louis said getting on his knees and leaning over to kiss Harry 

He just sighed cupping Louis' face and kissing him back. “I’m ready” Louis said against harry's lips. “Can we just cuddle or nap?” Harry sighed knowing Louis would go to certain lengths just to avoid talking

“You don’t want to?” He asked, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed look on his face. “I want to but only when you’re ready” Harry explains as he gets back into his position opening his arms for Louis. “I am” Louis argued, getting back into Harry's arms and laying his head on his chest. 

“I love you Lou and I’m not leaving you, I’m in this for the long haul if you’ll have me” Harry said kissing Louis head and he just nodded not really believing Harry but not wanting to say anything. 

-

Later on in the evening louis was still pouting and telling Harry he was ready and it didn’t get better when Harry got out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Haz I’m ready” he whined checking Harry out causing him to laugh as he shook his head before putting on a pair of sweats. “Can i atleast suck you off?” Louis asked sighing “you’re a mad man, but get up so we can order dinner before it’s too late” he laughed leaving Louis 

“I’m not a mad man” Louis yells after him “just a horny one” he mumbled to himself. 

Louis sighed, getting out of bed and meeting Harry in the kitchen. And it wasn’t fair on Louis having to watch Harry walk around half naked. 

Louis took Harry's hand pulling him closer to him and wrapping his arms around his waist placing soft kisses to Harry's neck. Walking backwards towards the living room pulling Harry with him. Hooking his thumbs into harrys waistband and slowly tugging it down.

“Lou” he warned cupping Louis' cheeks “You said you wouldn’t stop loving me” Louis said with his big eyes filled with what looked a lot like hope.

And Harry sighed because even if Louis wouldn’t acknowledge how Harry felt for him he knew it was what he was most scared of. Harry just wished Louis could see him the way he did and Harry didn’t seem to understand how Louis couldn’t see how much Harry loved him.

He’s not sure he’s ever loved anyone as much as he loves Louis. It was fucking terrifying because it had only been 4 months and he would do anything for the older boy. He was absolutely gone for him and everyone around him could see it. The way his face would light up whenever he was mentioned. His team were confused about when harrys songs stopped being meaningless lyrics and changed into love songs. 

It was almost as if it happened over night one day his lyrics didn’t have any specific meaning to all being about the same blue eyed boy who he’d do anything for. Even his mother could tell he had met someone new and it wasn’t the fact that Gemma has told her but it was the way her son spoke about his new friend ‘Louis’ and how he explained the sound of his laughter and the way his eyes lit up when he got excited. 

It was evident that Harry was in love with Louis even to Zayn and Niall. Despite Zayn having his own doubts about Harry he couldn’t deny the love radiating from Harry whenever Louis opened his mouth. Louis could be saying the stupidest things and Harry would just stare at him fondly smiling. And Niall couldn’t care less about Zayns doubts because all he could see was the love Harry had for Louis and that made Zayns doubts not matter because his boy was loved and happy.

Harry just wanted to explain to louis no matter what he wouldn’t stop loving him and he hoped that he could prove that to him. He’s too gone for him. There’s nothing Louis could do to make him stop loving him, he thinks. 

“I won’t stop loving you Lou it doesn’t work like and I really wish I could prove it to you babe, because you mean so much to me” Harry explained and Louis nodded kissing Harry. He instantly melted into the kiss pulling Louis closer, his brain was all of a sudden muddled and all he could think was  _ LouisLouisLouisLouis  _ as he pulled down Harry's boxers.

Harry moaned into the kiss as Louis' small dry hand wrapped around his dick harshly pumping it and he was already half hard so it didn’t take much before he was fully hard and leaking in Louis' dainty hand.

Louis gently pushed Harry backwards so that he was sitting on the couch and his eyes were searching for Louis in the moon lit room. “You’re beautiful” he whispered pulling Louis towards him 

“I think I’m just going to need you not to say anything”Louis shyly said and Harry nodded “are you sure you want this Lou?” Harry asked for what felt like the tenth time that evening and Louis nodded still stood in front of Harry.

“just please don’t stop loving me” he whispered “just promise me that” he added “i promise lou” he said, louis nodded taking a deep breath trying to not lose his nerve 

He could feel the intense gaze as he grabbed the hem of his hoodie slowly lifting his arms and tossing it to the floor. And Harry didn’t quite have enough time to process Louis arms and collar bones before Louis was removing his t-shirt. And Harry could tell the t shirt was oversized but it still didn’t look right. 

Louis' arms looked too small in the holes and his collarbones where Harry had kissed so many times seemed a bit too prominent and the knobs of Louis' elbows were sticking out. And Harry was so confused because it wasn’t what he was expecting it wasn’t the picture that Louis had painted for him.

That’s when his eyes landed on the fading scars, they were almost not noticeable, going up and down his forearm and Harry shook his head in disbelief because why didn’t he know? And he didn’t have enough time to focus on the scars before his eyes were drawn to Louis' ribs. Now he knew that was definitely not right.

Every single one of Louis' ribs were out on display and Harry almost cringed at the sight but tried to keep his straight face because he didn’t want Louis to see it. The boy had not one ounce of fat on his body and he was confused to whoever made him believe otherwise. His stomach was caving in on itself making his ribs more prominent. And Harry was more than confused because how? how did he not know? 

He his heart ached because Harry knew this wasn’t healthy but he didn’t know what to say or do. Until Louis pulled down his trousers and Harry's eyes kept darting between Louis' small thighs covered in self inflicted wounds. 

But it wasn’t like the ones on Louis arms those were old and faded, some on his thighs were but most were also new, still red and irritated and Harry had to bite back the sob that was threatening to escape his lips.

“Louis” he breathed pulling Louis down on his lap wrapping his arms around his waist and his heart clenched at how little Louis actually was in his arms and he was scared to hug tightly because Louis looked like he could snap in half.

“I’m too heavy” Louis said trying get off Harry's lap but Harry just held him still and it hurt how it took barely any effort. “You’re so beautiful” he said kissing Louis neck causing Louis to giggle “you still want me?” He asked and Harry nodded 

“More than you could imagine” Harry said placing his hands under Louis' thighs picking him up and it was too easy and Harry just bit his lip harder not saying a word like Louis wanted. Louis instinctively wrapped his legs around Harry's waist. 

“Please put me down Harry” Louis begged but Harry didn’t listen continuing out the room and up the stairs. 

After entering Harry's bedroom he let go of Louis' thighs reaching out to turn the lights on but Louis was quick to grab Harry's head saying no as he placed a soft kiss on his lips. He nodded walking over to the bed and gently laying louis down as he hovered above him. Louis. He tried to read Louis' face as Louis reached in between them, taking Harry into his hand. 

There was a million thoughts in his head at the moment and he knew he wasn’t as hard as he was when they were downstairs so he was grateful for Louis' hand. 

“Baby tell me what do you need” Harry said trying his best not to thrust into Louis hand “you” Louis said pulling Harry in for a kiss “ what do you need me to do?” He asked “no teasing no playing around I just need you in me and I need to to feel you in me” Louis whined kissing harry's neck and he nodded rapidly 

Harry took Louis dick into his hand causing the boy to let out a breathy moan shamelessly rutting into harry's hand chasing the friction. And Harry didn’t think Louis could get more beautiful but having the smaller boy under him rutting into his hand moaning in pleasure and looking vulnerable just made him thousand times more beautiful. 

“Where are you going?” Louis asked eyes shooting open when he felt Harry's movements. “I’m just getting lube” Harry said, crawling over to the bedside table and pulling out lube and a condom.

Covering two of his fingers with lube he leaned down kissing Louis. “you ready?” Harry asked as he slowly circled Louis' rim. Louis nodded before pressing a quick kiss to Harry's lips. Slowly pressing one finger into Louis, causing the smaller boy to let out a breathy whine against Harry's lips. Harry gently licking into Louis mouth trying to show Louis how much he loves him. 

“Another” Louis moaned against Harry's lips after a minute or two, he quickly complied, pushing another finger in and slowly working Louis open. “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much” he said kissing Louis jaw while scissoring his fingers to stretch him out “please tell me you know how much I love you” 

Louis frantically nodded begging for more as Harry pushed a third finger in croaking them trying to find Louis spot. Louis nails dug into Harry's shoulders leaving crescent shaped marks and Harry had found his spot. 

“Right there” louis said pushing against Harry’s fingers as the pad of his fingers continued to brush against his prostate 

“Harry I need you” Louis whined, pulling Harry's face down for a kiss. Slowly pulling out his fingers earning a whine from Louis he quickly rolled the condom onto his painfully hard cock and slicked himself with lube. 

Louis began to turn on to his front but harry held him down by the hips shaking his head no. 

“I just assumed you wanted” Louis trailed off embarrassed “no I want to see your face” Harry assured him Louis cheeks flushed red turning his face away from Harry. “You’re beautiful Lou and I love you” he said for what felt like the 100th time that night. 

And Harry hates overusing the words but he just needed to know that Louis knew how much he felt for him. He needed Louis to know, so he repeated the words over and over again, slowly pushing into louis feeling his warm heat around him. 

“You can move,” Louis said, squeezing Harry's biceps. “You know that i love you right?” Harry asked, shearing in Louis' eyes pleadingly. “i know” he whispered and it’s all Harry needed to hear before he began moving.

There was so much going on Harry's head but he pushed his thoughts aside as he pushed into Louis. He could only focus on the small soft wines escaping Louis' lips as he dug his nails into Harry's shoulders. 

“Fuck Lou” harry moaned into Louis neck “Please don’t stop” he moaned wrapping his legs around Harrys thighs pulling him closer. Harry changed the angle, thrusting deeper finally finding Louis spot causing him to let out a loud moan. 

“yea right there, right there” he yelled over and over again like a mantra. Harry continued to aim his thrust, feeding off Louis’ moans. Louis doesn’t remember the last time sex felt this good, he isn’t sure if it ever did. “So close” he moaned, clenching down around Harry causing a loud groan. 

Harry's thoughts were so muddled and all he could think of was Louis, his Louis, the man he fell in love with, the man he’d give it all up for, the man he’d sacrifice everything he had for. His Louis that was so sad, broken and hurt, his louis that he didn’t know how to fix. 

“Come for me Lou” He said softly stroking louis feeling how he was twitching in his hand. “m so close so close” he moaned, clenching around harry once again pulling him closer.

Louis soon spilled into harry's closed fist and all over his own stomach. Harry continued to thrust into Louis, also nearing his climax. All it took was Louis tugging on his hair before he was spilling inside of the condom while his head hung low. 

“Fuck Lou you’re absolutely wonderful” he said while riding out his high. After pulling out of Louis and disposing of the condom he laid down beside Lou studying his boyfriend profile, his body covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair matted against his forehead while his chest was rising and falling taking shallow breaths.

“I love you” Harry sighed watching louis blissed out face. Louis blushed turing to his side to snuggle into harrys chest. 

“Let me get us cleaned up and we can eat dinner in bed, how does that sound?” Harry asked and Louis scrunched up his nose “not hungry” he mumbled and i’m that moment Harry was certain that he could hear his heart shatter. “i didn’t tire you out enough?” he joked trying to lighten the mood and louis giggled shaking his head. 

In that moment Harry couldn’t help but fall in love with Louis all over again, looking at his messy hair, flushed cheeks, smile playing on his lips, he looked absolutely perfect. Harry continued to stare at louis for a couple more minutes and when he could feel Louis begin to drift off he got up getting a wet cloth from the bathroom. 

“Babe i’m gonna clean you up now okay?” Harry asked Louis just nodded, wincing a bit when the wet cloth came in contact with his sensitive bum. After cleaning louis up he warned him to not fall asleep before going downstairs to make them a turkey sandwich and bring them water. 

Louis was being a bit whiny when Harry gave him half the sandwich, but he ended up eating it, taking small bites, not eating the crusts. Harry's heart sank with each small bite Louis took, wondering if it was the first thing he’d ate today. 

After taking the plate downstairs Harry joined Louis back in bed pulling him closer to his chest. It was the first time Louis allowed Harry to hold his waist without going stiff or flinching away. 

Hours after Louis had fallen asleep Harry was still lying awake sobbing into the back of Louis' neck wondering why he hadn’t noticed sooner. Blaming himself for not knowing sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the other chapters but it felt wrong adding anything else to it , but i hope u enjoy.


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